2011 is Done and Gone....But Never Forgotten.....

I have so much running through my head right now that I don't think I have the time or the brain power to put it all down. It's been an incredibly emotional roller coaster this past month.....good times.....not so good times......things that should be written down for posterity.....things that should be kept private. I'm not so good at the private things.....I'm the kind of person who needs to get things out. I literally explode at the seams and am not good at keeping things in. I need to talk it out, whether it's something I'm feeling, something I'm going through, or something I need/want/have to do. This could be a good thing, or it could be a bad thing. I've always thought it better to share, either to someone or written out in a journal. This blog has become my personal journal in so many ways, documenting my thoughts and dreams and experiences on this long journey that has become my life.

I have to say December has been a very busy month, with too many things to do, and way too many distractions. I look at the clock right now - 10:20 on the last day of the year - and not only do I wonder where this month went, but I wonder where this year went. I think back to where I was last NYE - in fact I just read my blog from that day. Not only did I document the incredible year I had in 2010, but I reflected on the past decade. This year has been no less incredible in my journey to a better me. 2010 was the year it all STUCK. The year it all MADE SENSE.  It was a year of growth, and discovery.

Exactly a year ago today, I became an official 24 Hour Fitness employee. It was incredibly humbling and exciting to think that I was about to be a BodyPump instructor. Here is what I wrote in that blog one year ago:

"It is so exciting to me to think about 2011. The first year of the second decade of the new millennium. Okay, whatever. It's a new year, and for the first time in my life, probably, I am really, truly certain that this year is going to be phenomenal. I'm always hopeful, always wish that the next year will be better than the last. But for the first time, I feel it in my gut. I can't help but be absolutely certain that it will be because I have witnessed a year that exceeded my wildest dreams."

"I am a lucky woman, but also one that has rediscovered that I am not afraid of hard work, not afraid of putting myself out there. The only thing getting in the way was me, and I am not afraid anymore. Yes, I have frequent freak out moments. But I find it works for me. I need to voice the fear, feel reassurance, then face it head on and plow right through it. It takes hard work, consistency, drive, dedication, determination, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, teasing, embarrassment, pain, pain and more pain, but a whole lot of FUN FUN FUN. I don't think, looking back at the year, that I would trade any bit of what I went through. I don't think I would change or alter any of my experiences."

"I am hopeful, excited, thankful, grateful for every person I have met, for every sore muscle I have had, for every tear I have shed. I am alive, I am loved, and I love."

It brings tears to my eyes to read my words, my sense of passion and determination. I feel no less at this moment. This year, 2011, truly WAS all those things above. This year WAS better than the last. It was the year that I truly put myself out there, as an instructor, a teacher, a mentor. I made so many mistakes, made so many bloopers, cried a ton of tears, stuck my foot in my mouth countless times, laughed at myself, kicked myself, tore some hair out, scratched my eyeballs out and then put them back, had others kick the crap out of me......and I am still standing. I am a better person for it, a better instructor. The incredible growth I have experienced in 12 short months ASTOUNDS me. Truly. I still have a long way to go to be the kind of instructor I want to be. But really? I look at my video from Feb 2011. I have come a long way. I am more confident and can handle the little roadbumps that are constantly in my way, just a little easier than I could a year ago. 

I have 4 classes, each one special and dear to my heart in its own way.

*My Thursday class: My very first ever. Special to me because it was my very first class on the schedule. This past week, as I wished them a Happy New Year at the end of the cool down, I shared with them how special they are to me as my first class, and how some have been with my since the beginning of the year, and some are brand new, but each one has shown growth, and strength, and how honored I am to teach them each week. Did my eyes stay dry? Nope.

*My Sunday class: special to me because it was not on the schedule, but several members went to the manager and asked specifically for a Sunday class taught by me, and he obliged. This class was created for me and for that reason, is very dear to my heart. I have a regular group of 20-25 members who are grateful to have a BP class on Sunday, one of only 3 I believe on the Peninsula. I am happy to be there each and every Sunday. It has its own energy.....and is the only class not sandwiched between two others and it just makes the whole class feel more relaxed and not so frenetic.

*My Tuesday class: special to me because it was my 3rd class and consistently is the largest class each week and while many of the regular members come to my other classes, the energy in this packed class is like no other. It's always a fun group, like all the others, but it's always a gamble to see if we have enough equipment to go around. My Tuesday members are used to sharing with their neighbors!

*My Saturday class: my one and only class at Pacific Athletic Club, one that has grown since May when I began, and is very different from my 24Hr classes, but just as fun to teach to. The members have been very welcoming, the numbers have grown steadily over time, and it is a nice facility. Today, I shared with them for the first time, my before (2007) picture and my after (2011) picture. I told them how special today is: it would have been my father's 78th birthday, and how fitting it is that today I close this year out teaching my all time favorite class. How because my dad died of complications from diabetes, my eyes were opened to the train wreck my life had become and because of what he went through, I decided to make a change. How I walked into my first BP class and it changed my life, and how honored I am to be teaching this class on Dad's birthday, because it all goes back to him and why I decided to change. I couldn't get through it with out crying, but quickly composed myself and had a fantastic last class of 2011. Many people came to me after to see the pictures, to congratulate me on a job well done, but what I remember most was the new participant in the back of the class that I connected with throughout the workout, and her smile at the end. I hope I was able to give her a fun class that she will come back to. And the couple that came to me to ask me how many calories they burned during class, and talked about weight training with me. My son, walking in to the end of the class and overhearing this conversation, and telling me later how strange it was to hear me talking to people in an "instructor" capacity. It was a memorable way to finish my first year as a BodyPump instructor. I thought he was criticizing me - but he stopped me and told me how cool it was to hear me in that capacity. Wow.

I end this year with the opportunity to help someone very close to me make some big life changes. My husband. He has had some health challenges this past week that has brought us closer together, as a couple and as a family, and while it has been emotional, scary, frustrating and unnerving, it has also been eye opening, enlightening, and exactly what he needed to make some serious changes. I know that 2012 is going to be instrumental for him and for all of us, and I am prepared to support, mentor and guide him through whatever comes.

So much more reflecting is in order...but it's getting late and will have to wait. I have a new playlist to practice for my special Sunday class tomorrow. The first of 2012. My second year as an instructor. I am so excited to see how I grow, where I go, who I'll meet.

I am so fortunate to have a family who loves and supports me, friends who are patient with me (I had hoped to see and spend time with several friends this break but family calls, and family is first. I hope they understand that things happened out of my control and I hope to have time in the very near future to catch up).

Happy New Year to all who read this blog, who comment regularly via email, who support and love me no matter what drivel I write here. I love each and every one of you. Here's to a MAGNIFICENT 2012.

It Is What It Is

Whatever will be, will be. I've procrastinated, stressed, cursed, worried, and ultimately studied my heart out. My head is ready to explode and as I sat down tonight to do more review (after the gym, store, dinner, shower, hand painting Christmas gifts, homework -Cassie's, not mine- dishes, certification workshop info digging, printing receipts, etc. etc.) I realized I was done. Spent. I'm so exhausted from the last few weeks of school, teaching, and other stresses that I don't know what more I can do. I was reading on line just now the practical part of the exam and it worries me more than the written one. I know how to cue and teach. But to do it OUTSIDE a BodyPump setting worries me. I won't know the music, I won't know what sequence to teach, it has to be a flexibility, strength or cardio sequence showing options of intensity. I can do this in a BP class. I hope I can do it outside of one. Sigh.

Tonight's class was schizophrenic. Literally. The warmup was fine, I am doing the same playlist as last week just because I cannot review chorey right now with this exam. I will change for Sunday but once I hit squats...the iPod started acting up. Music volume going up and down, static, and I though the iPod was dying. For chest, it did the same thing so I switched to my iPhone for back. Did the same thing. Not only was the volume going in and out, the bass was so prevalent that it was just bizarre trying to teach to it. During triceps, it was like it was a differerent song, more than one layered on top of the other, and just sounded horrible. It's a good thing I know my choreography because that's what saved me. I just kept going. It was intensely frustrating because never before tonight did it really hit me how critical the music is to BodyPump. It felt like an utter failure of a class to me because it was NOT, to me, the kind of class I would have enjoyed. Yes, I apologized, profusely, throughout the class. I know I had no control over it, and I've taught with no mic before, but no music? It just was not okay.

The ultimate surprise to me? The number of people that came to me after and said despite the psycho music, it was still a great class. A couple commented on how much easier it was to hear my instructions. Huh? I'm constantly reminded how it's not about ME, it's about my participants. While tonight's class was NOT a success for me, for my members, they understood and still got a good workout. They didn't hold it against me. People that are regulars but ive never connected with made a point to tell me it was a good class. Maybe it was my sense of humor that came through the utter frustration. I think the stereo was having issues and I hope they fix it by Sunday or I'll go ballistic.

Sigh.

Growing Pains

Okay, the growing part is not only for me. Just the pain.

Alexander passed his permit test yesterday. Tried to put one over on me and told me he failed, missing 20 out of 40. I responded by telling him that he has NO business behind the wheel if he misses 20 questions! But he only missed 5, so I suppose he is ready. After I got the news, I couldn't focus much on work the rest of the day. Called the insurance company, got the paperwork emailed and faxed back allowing him to be a permitted driver on our insurance (thankfully no extra $$ yet), spoke to the young woman who is selling her car and worked out some details (it looks pretty darn good that before Christmas, we will be the owners of a third car. Joy.) Then took Alex and two of his friends to Sakura for dinner, along with Amanda and the girls, my mom, Franklin's parents, his cousin Claudia and her husband, and Franklin's friend Noe and his daughter.

Dinner was great as usual, Tim, the owner, gives us a standing 10% discount each time now, since he loves soccer and can talk at length with Franklin. He also thinks my son is great so he told him to order ANYTHING off the menu, including the Kobe beef and lobster, for his birthday. Such a nice man. Dinner was fun, although late, because I couldn't get the private room until 8:30, so the girls were almost falling asleep in their dinner. Then I had to be ME, and sustain a head injury. There are two support columns along the window and I had walked back and forth twice already, hitting a shoulder each time because they blended in with the window and stick out at an odd angle or something. Well, when Alex's beef came I got up and walked over to taste it, and WHACKED my head so hard on the steel post that I think it vibrated. The post. Or maybe it was my head. Either way, something was ringing. It made a loud bang, that's for sure. I stood there, with my hand on my head, while the boys laughed at me, then looked concerned because I couldn't move. I played it down but it hurt like crazy and I saw stars, and couldn't move for literally about 5 minutes. Of course my mom was overly concerned, and once Amanda teased Alex about not letting me sleep because I had a concussion, he started worrying as well. I was fine, didn't forget my age or my address. I iced, Franklin kept checking on me for a couple of hours and it was okay. But this morning I was sporting a bump and a headache. Washing my hair after the gym reminded me of the pain as well :)

Alex had a game at Santa  Clara University this morning, early, and we were out of the house before 8:00 am. He was playing with the Palo Alto team that he is accompanying to Florida on Christmas day. He played mid field today, which he used to play but has played last man defense for so long that he was extra winded today from all the running. A bit more endurance training and he'll be fine.

Cassie stayed with Amanda and the girls while I went to teach at PAC. Deb was coming to team teach with me today, which was very welcome since I was not feeling 100% in the head. She did biceps to abs and did a great job today. She is growing but is struggling with getting in at a club and I am confident with more practice, she will be really great. She just needs a break.

I had a regular member come to me after class, she is there each week with her teenage son, a very nice, soft spoken woman who has expressed to me in the past how much she enjoys my class. Today, however, she literally brought tears to my eyes. She came to me and told me how wonderful it has been to watch me grow and mature as an instructor, that I seem so passionate about teaching and my enthusiasm is infectious and makes it fun to come to my classes. It really touched me today, more so than others, for some reason.  To hear it from a member who is usually very reserved and just smiles quietly or says thank you to make a point and come to me to share that with me.......just priceless. I still have trouble really accepting compliments about my instructing abilities because I know where I want to be and I still feel so new, but I know, deep in my heart, I've grown and improved. It's been a whole year and I am a world away from where I was last December and January. I have a long way to go, and I still make mistakes, every class, but it's getting better.

I'm so overloaded with studying for this AFAA exam next Saturday that I simply cannot WAIT for it to be over and done with. I've completed the study guide and yesterday took the practice test. I missed 13 out of 75, which brought me to about an 82%. I need 80% to pass. What was nice is this study guide tells me which chapter each answer came from, so I saw a pattern of all my errors in that they were mostly from one chapter, and a couple of others. I know where I need to go back and re-read. I have also skipped some chapters so this week I will be reading more, reviewing the study guide, and looking at Alex's flash cards. I don't have time at this point to create my own. In looking at the day's agenda for this thing next week, I somehow missed that the entire day is actually a workshop going over the study guide in preparation for the test! So I have more hope that I can pass this. We get an hour lunch, then late in the afternoon, after reviewing areas in the text, we take the written test (an hour) and then the practical part, which now I'm beginning to get more nervous about because I have to "perform" in front of others, first in a group which doesn't bother me, but then individually for 1-2 minutes demonstrating some type of exercises to their music.

Hello??!!! I only know LES MILLS BODY PUMP! I don't know anything else! I only know how to cue BP moves! I only know the techniques that I have been trained on, not general group fitness stuff. Even in the text, there are pictures of moves that don't look like how I was trained. Sigh. I just want this to BE OVER.

Then maybe Christmas can come alive in my house, if only for the week before........

My BABY.....

Is turning 17 tomorrow. Why does this bring tears to my eyes?

I said good night to him tonight, standing in the door to his room and was overcome with emotion. Sat down on his bed and just rubbed his head. Of course he was like, "don't cry mom!" but he indulged me. I guess a lot of things are hitting me at once tonight.

Like the fact that tomorrow he is taking his permit test, again, but I've been quizzing him and he is ready. I'm confideent he will be a permitted driver tomorrow. On his birthday. Oh boy.

And the fact that an unexpected opportunity to buy him a car came up today. Franklin's cousin's husband's brother's daughter (hahaha) is selling her car, an older one in great condition for an amazing price. The fact that we've known her and her parents for almost 20 years makes me trust what they are selling, and he could be practicing in this car for the next 6 months. But with Florida happening for him in 2 weeks, the timing is not great financially but it's one of those chances that if we don't take it, we may not be able to buy him anything for a long time. Somehow I have to make this work. Franklin could also use this vehicle for soccer and I wouldn't have to be stuck without the van when he needs to transport more boys. It could be a win win situation. If it's meant to be, it will happen somehow.

My life completely changed exactly 17 years ago. I didn't know I was having a boy, and I ended up having a c-section after being induced and in labor all day. I also gave birth on a Friday, just like tomorrow. It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life, giving birth to my first born.

He continues to bring me joy, love, a sense of pride and intense frustration on a daily basis. As I was quizzing him on his drivers test tonight, it just hit me that I don't have a baby anymore, I barely have a child. I have a young man. One who shaves, argues, thinks, negotiates, manipulates, loves and protects, shares, cares, impresses others with so many wonderful qualities......

My son. My baby. All grown up and about to embark on a very exciting time - for him. The driving part. Me?

I'm terrified.

A Year Of BodyPump

One year ago today I passed my BodyPump initial training module. I can't believe it's been an entire year.

I remember the weekend like it was.....well, a year ago. Feels like I've been teaching this program alot longer, in some respects, and in others, it feels like I'm a rookie, which essentially I am. In the big scheme of things.

I went back and read over some of my entries, from the time I decided to pursue training and all the ups and downs emotionally that I went through as the pieces fell into place......asking for advice from people about whether or not I should go for training....getting the nerve to ask for 24Hr to sponsor me (a fitness nobody)......Les Mills approving me to register.....the turmoil as the weekend approached.....and the sheer surprise and elation when I passed. Fully. One year ago today.

And then the real work began!

This year has been a virtual whirlwind as well. Christmas was put on hold as I practiced, and practiced, and practiced.......getting the audition with Angie right before Christmas, getting hired.....then launching the re-release and getting not one, but two classes on the schedule within the first two weeks! Then a third within the first six weeks! Video taping my class several times and all the stress that went along with that, having Alex mentor and coach me through some tough weeks, all the bloopers and struggles of being a brand new instructor.......getting hired at Pacific Athletic Club in May....teaching and teaching. I figure that I've taught close to 200 classes this year! Wow. Boggles. My. Mind.

I am fortunate and happy to still approach each class I teach with excitement, to care enough about my participants to learn new choreography and change things up to keep it fun for them, to go to additional trainings whenever I can. I'm very fortunate to have found this program and all the people I've met either in my classes or my fellow instructors. I can't wait to see what next year holds for me. It's just night and day where I was a year ago tonight compared with tonight. THe amount of growth I've experienced......and it's so exciting to think I'm nowhere NEAR approaching the end of my journey!!

Had a good weekend, took Franklin and some family out for his birthday dinner. Studied at the library yesterday and actually got a few solid hours in tonight. I did 10 pages of my study guide today and if I push hard tomorrow at the library, want to finish e study guide and have the rest of the week to finish reading the textbook. Then I can make some flash cards (Alex lent me his but I'm finding that if I write down my own notes, the info tends to stick more).

I'm seeing cross eyed right now and need to get to bed. Tomorrow is a busy day. Have no idea how my classroom was left with me running out Friday morning to meet Franklin at the ER so it promises to be an interesting day. I haven't planned for the week but there at only two weeks left and then I get THREE WEEKS OFF!! I cannot express how much I need this time. My test will be over so maybe I can actually be productive at home and maybe even get some rest and my own workouts in.

Fingers crossed. And toes. And eyes.

Will My Emotions Ever Get a BREAK???

What a DAY. D-A-Y.

It started out as a normal Friday. Running late. As usual.

Got a call from Franklin as my students were walking in to class. He said he was having weird pains in his stomach and chest after he dropped Cassie at school, and was considering going to the ER. He waffled back and forth, apparently driving towards work, then turned around to go to the hospital, then pulled over and called me. He had been not feeling well all week, stayed home one day, then went to the doctor on Wednesday because he had thought he had the stomach flu, then thought it was something else.....the doctor suspected gallstones and confirmed that he had a hernia near his belly button that we discovered the night before. A follow up was scheduled for next week and the doctor said the hospital would call him by today to schedule an ultrasound for his gall bladder.

We never heard from the hospital and I was going to call today and then this happened. I told him he should drive himself to the ER and I would try to get someone to take my students, to which he replied he was okay and I should stay at school. Awhile later, I called him and he was at the hospital, in a bed with an IV in him, waiting for an ultrasound and they had already run tests on his heart. He said he was okay but I knew I had to get out of school because I was starting to worry and the kids were asking me why I was teary.

I took the kids out to recess and went to the office where my VP promptly told me to leave, he would take my kids. I went back to class to get some work ready, gathered my stuff, just in case I didn't get back. I had every intention of coming back to school because I had the hopes it wasn't serious and I could finish the day, plus I had not yet planned for next week. I drove to the hospital and started freaking out. I know he said he was fine but my mind started racing and I knew I had to pull it together.

I arrived and he was out of the room getting his ultrasound. When he returned, he looked fine, said he was just in a little bit of pain. Long story short, we were there till 1:00 (I arrived at 10:00, he was there since 8:40) and the doctor said his ultrasound showed nothing in the gall bladder, the blood tests were all within normal limits (blood sugar, liver function, cholesterol, etc etc) the heart checked out just fine, and sent him for a CAT scan just to check again and to look at the hernia. All told, the hernia seemed to be what was causing all the trouble, and it is an umbilical hernia that eventually could become incarcerated, which would mean treating with surgery once it was in that acute phase, so we should take care of it sooner rather than later. We met with the surgeon who happened to be in the hospital and the earliest I could schedule his pre-op appointment was for Dec. 14th, then he will have surgery most likely before Christmas. The only other thing of concern was the presence of fat penetrating the liver, which is reversible if he loses weight. I've been doing research on it and have already shared with him what this means, especially if it is ignored, and now the ball is in his court but I think he is ready to make some changes.

So another day of potentially studying is gone, but I am going to the library with Amanda tomorrow morning before I teach at PAC. We are going to try for more library time on Sunday, and then a schedule of Mon-Wed next week, with cramming over the weekend, and I'm praying and hoping for some of this information to stick. I had a glimmer of hope on Wednesday when we spent 2 hours at the library because I was amazed at how much I actually got accomplished with I was without the family around, in a quiet library, working on the study guide. Do I remember anything? Not at this moment. Hopefully I'll get some of that back tomorrow, knowing now that Franklin is essentially okay, and I can try to knock this out.

Here I go again, with the beginning of December being crazy, like last year when I was going for my BP initial training. A year ago this weekend.. I remember it was three days before Christmas that I finally did shopping and decorating. What is up with me and timing?

I need two uneventful weeks coming up so I can focus, please. No drama. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.

I Give Up :-(

I am completely incapable of focusing on studying. I don't know what is wrong with me. Yes, I'm exhausted, but I think I was really deluding myself to think I had the time for this.

Yesterday we ended up going to Pacific Beach in San Diego and the boys had a great time playing soccer in the sand while Cassie and her daddy played at the waters edge. We left SD about 1:30 and again I drove my car the entire way back. Traffic was bad through LA but it was the frequent stops that took a long time. Seemed like forever and now I know what it feels like to overdose on coffee. The last one I had, I ordered right on the other side of the Grapevine and I've seen people order coffee with an add shot of espresso so I figured why not? The more caffeine the better to help me with the drive. Well, it tasted gross but I was already back in the car and had to suck it down. I didn't realize the effects of it till I got home, but we stopped at Casa de Fruta to go to the bathroom and I swear as I sat down, I thought we were having a small earthquake. I was shaking from the soles of my feet all the way through my core. Franklin and his group separated off from me at the 101/85 junction and I headed home on 280 with my kids and Ricky, and by the time I got to Page Mill road, I was seeing blurry so badly that the only thing that kept me going was the thought of my kids in the car with me. It was literally a miracle I made it home without crashing. This was midnight so it was more than 10 hours. When I got home and sat down, again I was shaking from the feet all the way up and it was at that moment I realized it was the caffeine giving me such jitters. Ugh.

I've been in workout withdrawals and planned to get up early and go to Amy's BodyPump class at PAC since there were no classes at 24.I woke up before 7:00 and when I went to the bathroom I was dizzy so I went back to bed realizing I needed more sleep. I ended up going to the 10:00 class with a different instructor and without going into detail, it was an extremely frustrating experience, especially after taking AIM. Needless to say I will be more selective at the classes I attend. It's amazing at how attentive I've become to technique and instructing in general over the last year. Which reminds me, I am coming up on my one year anniversary of my initial BP training, this next weekend. Blows my mind. More reflections on that later.

Last night I realized I did something incredibly stupid. I always shut off some breakers before we leave on a trip. Just the stove, the washer and dryer, a few things so I feel better about power not being on when we are not being home. Well last night I went to the freezer to take out a loaf of bread and wondered why it was not frozen, why it was cold and soft. Then I realized I shut off the breaker for the refrigerator. CRAP. So three days later......I spent a good part of today throwing out EVERYTHING from the fridge and freezer. Made me sick to my stomach. I had gone to Costco before we left and I had to toss it all. And go replace the basics. The ONLY good thing that came out of it was that Franklin and I gave the fridge a good interior cleaning, which it needed. But there went a part of the day that I had planned to unpack, do laundry and then study. Which isn't hard to do since I've lost it. My. Mind. I am not a college student. I am a wife, a mother, a teacher, a BodyPump instructor. I can multi-task like mad. Yet I can't study for this stupid exam. Which is not mandatory. I brought this upon myself. I signed up and paid the fee to take this. And I am seriously doubting that I can do this. So many other things take priority in my day to day life that the studying happens at the end of the day, and by that time I'm too tired for any of the reading to stick.

I think I need to be realistic about this and see if I can postpone this or something. Because I don't want to take this and fail. I might as well just not do it.

I'm not a quitter. But I am just losing faith that I can do this. If I were sans children, maybe. I just can't seem to focus or get anything done outside of work, kids, home and BodyPump.

I'm extremely disappointed in myself :-(

Bummed

Not the best start to the tournament. Lost this morning 2-0 and it set the tone for a very frustrating day. The boys played well but the other team just played harder and were more conditioned. They were from Utah. The weather was warm even in the morning and after the game we went to La Jolla Village which is near the UCSD campus where we played. This is such a nice campus and the school Alex wants to go to for film/video production but did he want to go tour the campus with me? Nope. Oh well, Cassie and I did a fair share of exploring after lunch since we had some time before the second game. Found the two nearest Starbucks to the field so I'm set for tomorrow.

The second game against a SD team, we scored within the first 2 minutes and you could see the difference in the boys. However, the other team responded in the next 5 minutes with a goal......and then another......and then another so by half time we were down 3-1. All told we lost 6-1. Just ugly. One of our players got a red card that was completely unfair but Franklin had been having issues with the referees and I think he gave our player the red just to prove a point to Franklin, who is coaching because our coach did not come. Alex has outgrown his dad as the coach and they just did not see eye to eye today which made for some intense, frustrating moments that just tug at my heart strings. Franklin needs to not come down so hard on Alex and Alex needs to be more respectful on and off the field to his dad. Period. Ugh. The mama bear emerges and does not make things better for either one of them.

This evening the boys had a choice between the mall and the boardwalk. Of course they chose the mall so we went and it's a very nice, upscale mall - Fashion Valley. We couldn't find anywhere that we adults wanted to eat - it was either Cheesecake Factory (ick) or PF Changs and so we left the boys to their own devices and drove a few blocks to a steakhouse that was sorely disappointing. The food wasn't horrible but the service was so damned slooooooooow that it got to the point at the end of the meal, after three parties around us were seated, served and excused AFTER we arrived that we asked to speak to the manager, who gave us our appetizers for freee. Whoopee. Aftere a two hour meal it was something but we wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I'm so wiped out right now that I can't keep my eyes open let along get any studying done. Since we lost two games, we won't advance even to tomorrow afternoon so we can get our money back for tomorrow night if we check out by noon, which we will do. We will do something fun, I wanted to take Cassie to the zoo but now we have teen boys to occupy as well so it may be checking out the boardwalk or maybe the outlets in Carlsbad but if we get on the road by 3 or 4, we can be home around midnight and have missed the Sunday return traffic, which we have done on Thanksgiving weekend before and want to avoid at all costs. This will also give us all day Sunday at home to unpack and maybe, just maybe, I can get in a workout at the gym for myself and some studying time. Again I have tried so hard to study while here and it just ain't sticking. I'm beginning to wonder whatever possessed me to think I could study with two kids and two jobs. What a dufus I am.

Up at 6:00am tomorrow. Sigh.

Giving Thanks

As yet another Thanksgiving is upon us, again I am traveling for soccer. We are leaving early tomorrow morning to drive to San Diego to the Nomads College Showcase soccer tournament. I am thankful to spend this weekend with the three most important people in my life - Franklin, Alex and Cassie. Oh, and 14 seventeen year old boys. Hee hee.

I will not be spending the weekend with my immediate family, nor any of my close friends that are just as important to me as my blood family. Yet I hope they all know how much I love them and am thankful for their presence and support in my life. I will make sure to convey that message to them as I call them tomorrow in between stops on my long drive.

Today was a day off but it was full and crazy getting ready for our trip. Alex had school today and the rest of us were off, so at least we were up early to get going. Cassie had her 6 year old checkup, in our new doctors office. It's closer and it was nice to see familiar faces in an unfamiliar place. Cassie is growing nicely, 46 inches tall and 54.6 pounds. She's always been a bit above in the weight area compared to her height, but that's been her trend since birth so there's nothing new. However, we did talk about her tendency to graze for snacks and I'll be reigning that in because I'm noticing that she is constantly snacking even when I know she can't possibly be hungry. Granted, she's grabbing hard boiled egg whites, string cheese, fruit, yogurt, pretzels, etc. but this child can put it away and she needs to break the habit of mindless eating because she can easily substitute the healthy snacks for unhealthy ones. She's begun to play soccer but we need to step up the physical exercise.

Had a meeting in the afternoon, and while Franklin was getting soccer paperwork ready, Cassie and I changed the fish bowl (I leave it for as long as possible and the darn thing is quite the survivor!)and then we went to rent not one, not two, but three rental cars. I'll drive one, Franklin and another dad will share another and another dad in the third. Top that off with Alex going to the annual Alumni basketball game at school until 8:30 and my mother asking us at the last minute to dig her Christmas decorations out of her garage, I didn't get home until after 9:00 and had to pack. Sigh.

It's after 11:00 pm and the last load of laundry is drying as I write. I'm exhausted and need to get to slept since I'll be driving all day tomorrow. I pray it doesn't rain for long and that the traffic isn't too bad. Two years ago when we went to San Diego for a different tournament the traffic was fine on thanksgiving day. It's coming home on Sunday that I dread.

I'm bringing another release to script and write intros. I've got my textbook and study guide in the hopes that I'll have time to study. I have to. There's no choice. I scanned the practice test and I'm nowhere near ready to take it. I'm feeling incredibly screwed right now but I have to turn that attitude around and buckle down and get serious. Oh. Boy.

Off to bed. I am really thankful for all that I have and where I am in my life right now. Here's to a safe trip tomorrow and a successful tournament for my boys :-)

Record SUNDAY!!

30+ people. In a SUNDAY class.

Not even on a launch weekend have I had that many people. I gather it's because it's the Sunday before Thanksgiving. People are coming out, knowing there are no classes this weekend in my gym and they are all itching to get in a couple of workouts before the break.  It felt like a weeknight class! I saw so many new faces, and I can only hope these are people regular to the gym but have never tried a BodyPump class, and that I will see them again.

Yesterday, at PAC, I also had a record number of participants. It's a smaller room by far than at 24Hour, and my usual number for a Saturday 12:30 class is 15-20 at the most. The room was FULL. In reality, probably around 25-26 but I've never had  people in every corner, up against the mirror......it was an obviously bigger class than usual. Again, I guess the holiday brings more people out? I wouldn't know because this time last year.....I was just a participant myself. I have nothing to compare this to. As I was in the locker room at PAC changing yesterday to go to lunch with a fellow instructor and her daughter, two of my older members were talking and as I said hello, one of them said "I was just telling her that you really have gained a following!" Which made me chuckle.....because I don't see it like that. It did make me feel good, but I just have fun, show my passion for the program and happen to be teaching before a holiday! I am betting serious $$ that my Tuesday class will be insane - it's the last BodyPump class for a full week until the next Tuesday, and the last Group X class except for 1 Zumba class on Saturday. People will want to "Stock up" on the calorie burn! Should be an incredible amount of energy in the room!!

I've had 4 classes under my belt since the AIM training. Thank goodness the incredibly uncomfortable feeling of the first class has passed......each class is getting progressively better in terms of my ability to space out my cues, focus my coaching, deliver my intros, and still inject my brand of ""Kristy", aka singing :) I haven't had the time yet to script cues for different releases so I can get back to mixing, but I hope to have time this coming weekend while we are in San Diego at Alex's soccer tournament (in between studying for this exam which is breathing down my neck). I got sick of 76, so today I did 78 but had to switch out the squat track because my quad is still bothersome. Today was MUCH better because I spent so much time yesterday stretching, rolling, doing some yoga, heating, etc. I'm convinced that the adjustment in my lunge stance (to the CORRECT one) is what caused the strain, or pull, or pain, or whatever it is, because the pain only comes during lunges. Squats are just fine. And although I am dreading, absolutely dreading have 7 days with no BodyPump, maybe this is a good break for my body to heal. Amanda tells me I should eat whatever I want for the week and come back to it on Monday. Hello?? I could probably gain 10 pounds over the weekend if I did that! I'm just wondering what 7 days of no exercise will do to me.....so I will look up the 24Hrs down in SD and see if any classes are happening there, and if not, maybe just to get in a workout or two so I don't feel like a sludge. We'll see.

I'm so excited to have finally purchased something I've been shopping for for the last 6 months....a Keurig coffee maker! I have been comparing prices, figuring out where I get the best deal, thinking, debating. Costco had the best deal because it comes with 60 pods of coffee which in itself is a ton of $$. I subbed so much in Daly City that after my car payment was made (which is where all my gym earnings go) I had enough left to finally buy this. SO.............I'm putting it in writing. I am done stopping off at.....sniff sniff........Starbucks.....in the mornings, since I can brew my own single travel mug in under a minute! It came with it's own little filter so I can use my SBucks coffee in there if I want. It's a win win. The coffee maker will be paid off in a month of not going to SB's. Now.........of course I will treat myself, like on the weekend, but the daily trips are subsiding.

I think I'm already going into withdrawals.

A Slight Improvement

Last night I stuck with BP76 since I spent all that time writing track intros and scripting cues. I have to say it was a bit better that Tuesday. I was more comfortable with the spacing of the cues, made it a focus to remember my Big voice, and a bit more fun emerged. I'm getting that it needs to be baby steps. I am done with 76, though, so tomorrow I'll begin the whole process again for another release. Makes it a bit challenging to mix things up though, but I figure as I get more "fluent" at this, I'll be able to mix easier and get through the whole process of writing and scripting so it doesn't take me as long. I tell you, as much as I love this program and am passionate about teaching it, it does take a huge commitment and dedication in order to do it RIGHT. Yes, I could just teach. I could just go in and out and not think too hard about what I'm doing, and just deliver a class that is alright. There are instructors like that.

Unfortunately, my personality is not going to allow me to do that. Not for a program I love so much. Sigh. I'm passionate about it and so I am willing to put in the time necessary to do it the way it was delivered to me. Until you go through the training, and actually put in the time to teach, you simply cannot know the amount of work that goes in to being a good instructor. I don't do this for the money. I don't do this because I need to work out anyway. It goes deeper than that. I do it because I love it. Because I want to change someone's life the way mine was forever altered. I do it because it's fun, it gets results, and it empowers me to try harder, to challenge myself and to keep learning. It never gets boring, and I'm never bored teaching it. This advanced coaching has just ensured that it will NEVER get boring - there's too much brain activity that goes along with doing this that there's always more for me to learn and experience.

I've got a pain, a knot in my left quad that is plaguing me. Last night during squats and especially lunges it was amazingly painful. I've rolled it out and have a heating pad on it. But ouch. I think it's because I had to shorten my lunge stance and as a result, they are harder and I feel them more intensely. Lovely :)

I'm wiped. Three full days of conferences and the last thing I want to do right now, at almost 11pm, is to script/cue/study. The countdown begins......my exam is a month from yesterday.

Good grief.

AIM and Beyond

I made it through the Advanced Instructor Module. In one piece. I knew it would focus on technique and advanced coaching. While it was not exactly what I expected, it blew my mind. Things are starting to click now. I m so excited to put what I learned into play and take teaching to a new level.

I was silly to worry about the kind of people and levels of experience of the people in the training, there were people who have been instructing for years and years, as well as people who have been instructing as long as I have been. I met so many great instructors, from Southere California to Stockton, Fairfield and San Francisco, from 24hr Fitness to the YMCA.

The trainer was Megan Peterson, Northern American BodyPump trainer and she was awesome!Very down to earth and funny, honest, helpful and to the point. I'm not going to detail the day, but suffice it to say I'm not the only one who talks too much in classes! There was an overall theme of instructors needing to organize our cues, and coach with a sense of purpose, that was missing across the board. I realized I've been giving a grocery list of cues throughout my classes without really delivering the cues with a purpose, and by giving too many cues too close together,npeople have a hard time following them all or even understanding what I'm saying. To slow down gives participants a chance to process them one by one, get the technique down and perform them well.

I've never really scripted my cues, even though Alex has told me numerous times. I'm always too busy, and as I got more experience, I figured I knew what compulsory cues to give so why do I need to write them down? It's like journaling what you eat in order to really be aware what goes in your mouth, when you do things mindlessly, its never a good thing. There needs to be an awareness, whether it's what goes in your body or what you say to a group of BodyPumpers. I realized I throw out cues left and right and I'm constantly repeating myself throughout a track, probably because I fee the need to repeat it because people need the reminding.

I scripted cues for the last two days, wrote out track introductions in order to include the track focus and decided to go back to 76 since that was my training release and I knew the chorey so well. Tonight in class......I'm not going to say it was an epic fail, but it almost felt like I went back to the beginning again. Maybe I tried to do too much at once. I delivered the track intros well, quickly and with a focus. The problem came with my overthinking too much that fifth voice, the one of silence, and as a result, I don't think it was a great class. Yes, I had people tell me it was at the end, and Amanda gave me great feedback, saying some tracks were better than others but I wasn't as animated and my Big voice was missing. I did space out my cues and I didn't repeat myself. Amanda said by the last few tracks, I talked "more" but that's probably because I felt a bit stifled earlier and it was just starting to escape me!

Sigh. This is going to be harder than I thought and take longer to evolve. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds.

I did gain a new member tonight, a participant and fellow teacher brought her friend and she liked my class, turns out she was a former Golds member and remembers me from there, and decided to join once she took my class tonight, so that was a positive. All I can do is keep trying, fill those gaps with some fitness magic, and keep scripting.

Tomorrow I have 9 parent teacher conferences starting before school and until after 4:00. I'm very much looking forward to a 90 minutes massage, as I'm very tight in my quads. Then off to script more and hopefully get into that textbook that I need to focus on.

Deep breath.

Sigh

I'm off. I don't know why. The day wasn't bad, pretty calm considering yesterday. My wrist is still swollen, but I can move it and actually did some pushups tonight. I should be good to go for class tomorrow.

I'm really tired. So I should be sleeping. The kids are out, Franklin is still not home from practice. Alexander is sick with the stomach flu and thinks he has a stomach tumor. And people call me a drama queen? I know it's just something viral but I'll call his doctor tomorrow. Just to make sure nothing ruptures. Good grief.

I'm hungry. Was craving cereal and milk for some weird reason and fought it and went to bed instead. Sigh. I wish I knew what was going on.

My head hurts. But I don't want to take Advil since I just popped Benadryl for my wrist.

I guess I just need to bitch a bit. Which is stupid because I'm pretty damned fortunate and have no business bitching about anything. I don't even really have anything worth bitching about. I guess it's just one of those stupid moods that women get into.

So I better just go to bed. And complain all I want in my dream and cherish the thought that I only have to work tomorrow and have a three day weekend.

Sigh.

To Bee or Not to Bee

I hate bees.

I realize they play a very important part in nature. I could care less tonight. A bee attacked me today, literally. We've had a bit of a bee problem on the playground at school for a week, with an excess of them hanging out by one of the slides. They may be looking for a place to build a hive, I don't know, but there have been too many hanging around and freaking the kids out. Miraculously no one has gotten stung....until a student yesterday. And today? Moi.

I was standing at recess just holding my Starbucks in one hand and my other hand casually hangning by my side and Kerry mentioned that there were a lot of bees out again today. I agreed and then immediately felt a burning, no, an INTENSE fire on the inside of my wrist. I held it up to look and saw the stinger sticking out of my inner wrist. Before I could say WTF the bee came crawling out of my sleeve! Well, what do I do? The usually calm, collected one in a crisis? I grab my wrist and say, "Help me, help me, what do I do? Gimme a credit card! I need a credit card! OMG help me!" Now before you judge (I was not screaming, just intensely speaking) let me just say that this pain was intense. A burning like fire right on the most sensitive part of the inside of the wrist. Like a hot poker. So Barb, the special Ed preschool teacher, said, "Use your badge!" the one hanging on my neck with my keys that has my school ID on it. I held it out to her and said "YOU DO IT!!" as I pulled my head back so I didn't have to look. She grabbed it and my wrist, tried to scrape it but couldn't reach it because I had my head backed away (by this time I hoped the little bugger was dead. I would have liked to stomp on it myself). Barb told me she couldn't scrape it because it wouldn't reach so I had to lean in closer and she scraped it off. The pain did NOT cease, and she sent her assistant in for an ice pack which immediately took away the pain.

I went to the office to let the principal know that they needed to get someone out from the district to look into the bee problem. Get someone to spray or do something. We have too many students out there and if one gets stung for the first time and is highly allergic, we could have a problem. She put in a work order.

The funny thing is that I had put a student on time out for a couple of minutes right at the start of recess. After dealing with my bee drama, it was time to go in so I blew my whistle and he came up to me, and waving his hands like he was Italian, said " Teacher, why didn't you let me go play? Now we have to go in!" I looked at him and said "Look buddy, I got stung by a bee and completely forgot you were on the bench. Sorry!" He just looked at me like that was no excuse at all!

It was not that hard to teach the rest of the day and the kids were fascinated by the mark and swelling and redness on my arm. It didn't hurt too much but I got a raging headache by lunch. At 1:00 I got a call from my mom that the high school called and Alex was sick and needed to be picked up. I had to distribute my Laters Gators to the other teachers so I could run up to Woodside and get him and drop him off at moms and then run back down before dismissal. He was a bit peeved that I pulled him out of class because he missed some research time in the lab, but he's the one that made the initial call. Now he is in bed with the stomach flu but insists on going to school tomorrow because of all the responsibilities he has and a couple of meetings. He gets his stubbornness from me I suppose.

After school I actually was productive and did long overdue cleaning and filing and the wrist was not so bad. Once I got to my moms later and did homework with Cassie before we all left for the gym, it started hurting a lot more. I realized that I had trouble bending the wrist either way because of the pain and swelling and when I got down to try to do a push up......OUCH! Intense pain. Great.

Class was super packed. The men came back ;-) I had 7 and recognized two new male faces from last week. It's cool that more men are getting over their "oh it's just for girls" class. The weird thing is two of my regular guys came to the front row tonight. I NEVER have guys in the front row, but HELLO, right in front of me. I had to shift a bit to the right because it was so unnerving!

I told them all I was going to a training this weekend and that I was going back to 79 for the week to brush up on chorey, and that I was stung by a bee and may not be able to do pushups. That got a chuckle since I've been encouraging them to get off their knees. I felt some discomfort during biceps, and tricep dips? Excruciating. Lunges - I rubbed the bottom of my shoes with my hands (thanks for the tip Amanda!) and did not slip at all. But I have to say that even less than 2 weeks away from this release......the intensity of this release and how hard it is and how AMAZING it is is very obvious! Wow.

Shoulders......OUCH. I tried, so hard, to get on my toes but the pain in that wrist was unbearable so I did them all on my knees, which was still excruciating and I cursed silently in my head for all 8 in the beginning and all 16 at the end. All I can say is this better improve by Sunday. I mean, what if I'm given the shoulders track? I'm screwed if I can't do pushups!

I just may keep the kids in from recess tomorrow if there are still bees out. I don't need any more drama in my life, thank you very much. Today was plenty.

DDD

No, not a bra size. Certainly not mine, anyway. DDD stands for Distracted, Derailed and Drama. All of what I'm feeling tonight.

I actually left work early today, early for me. 3:30. I'd just put the final touches on my report cards and emailed the principal that they were complete. It's amazing to me that each time, the kinder teachers freak out and I ask the principal for a two to three day extension. Then I go and finish on the original due date. Happens every single time. This causes a bit of resentment with other kinder teachers because they are still assessing kids and have to have the report cards in by Wednesday. So sue me. I work best under pressure, always have and it sucks but it's me. The evilness I got today from one teacher just astounded me. I plan ahead. I had a parent come in and help me with some testing. I did some actual teaching, then gave them independent work and assessed. I got my s**t done, and it causes resentment. Drama. Whatever.

Coming home early allowed me to make a pot of homemade chicken veggie soup. I did really well with the knife this time, but picked up the peeler to peel the carrots and.....yep. Took off half my fingernail all the way down to the quick and the top layer of the tip of my finger. At least there was no blood and I know the peeler works. Good grief. This is why I don't cook much. I've also discovered the complete disgust my son has for celery. If I hadn't carried him in my belly I'd really wonder about him sometimes.

Dad was on my mind today. John Brand is at school subbing for the VP for a few days so he brought me a new playground ball and I spent time catching up with him after school, talking about all his trips he's taking in between subbing. It's amazing how much he reminds me of dad when they really are nothing alike. They are both good ole boys and there is just something about him that reminds me of the good parts of dad. After school, I met Franklin and Cassie at rite aid because I left my wallet in my gym bag yesterday after teaching and had no money, there was a song playing in the store that was one of dad's favorites. Some country tune that goes "Hey, good lookin. Whatcha got cookin? How's about cooking something up for me?" I had to chuckle at that one. At least it wasn't the one he would always sing to me. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. I would have started bawling in the store. Crap, now I'm tearing up as I write. Onto other things.

I've had several great BodyPump classes lately. Yesterday, though, was a first in a looooong time. NO MEN. Yep. Must have been the 49er game. Each class I have 6-7, even at PAC on saturday I had 7 which is a lot for that class, and 3 were new ones I had never seen. So to have an entire class full of estrogen yesterday was different and quite fun! They are beginning to step it up, adding weights, doing push ups on their toes. I had a brand new girl who came with another fairly new participant. I was able to work with them after class because the new girl had struggled with technique for squats. It was so rewarding to give her feedback and see her make adjustments to the correct positioning! I also had her friend tell me she goes to a BP class in San Jose but she likes mine and is going to start coming to the weekday classes as well.

I'm gearing up for AIM on Sunday. I'm excited and feel really ready to take my instruction to the next level. But I'll be honest. I'm also freaking out. What else is new? I know a bit of what will go on, but there's the intimidation factor. Not knowing who else will be there, how much more experience they will have, what track will I be assigned and how badly will I screw it up? I'm confident, as I listen to BP79 again tonight that I have the chorey nailed. I haven't done it since before Halloween but its all coming back. I actually am not hoping for one track over another, not like with initial training. Deb joked that I would get lunges. Meh. If I do, so be it. Of course, back is my favorite but I love this release so much that I could get triceps or lunges and still be happy. It is what it is. I just worry about challenges or whatevere else they throw our way. I have to bring a belt and a yardstick. My curiosity is peaked for sure!

I'm so thankful but really bummed that Alex is subbing for me on Sunday because I won't get to take the class from him! I have only told a couple of people he will be there but I will let the gang know. They will be excited to have him all to themselves!

One of the gang, a former Gold's participant, gave me the greatest compliment today. Yesterday in class, I called her name out a couple of times for different things. I'm not even sure what they were, one was during a track and she stopped so I might have used her name and pushed her to keep going, and the other time was I believe she was cleaning up at the start of abs or something. Well I got a sense from her at the end that made me want to connect with here after class to see if everything was okay but because I started talking to the new girl, I didn't get the chance. I sent her a FB message and reached out, apologizing if I was a bit to strong in calling her out and to make sure she wasn't mad. Her response made me feel so good inside. She told me that she could NEVER be mad at me, that I'm a true professional and motivator. She told me she would not be where she is physically if it weren't for me and that my classes and the women she's meeting keeps her going. She then thanked me for pushing her to do push ups on her toes because she has noticed a difference in her shoulders and back. We are getting together for coffee this weekend to chat and I feel honored that she wants to connect and that she holds my classes so highly. This is what makes it worth it. To give back the way others have given to me. It's paying it forward.

So the Distracted and Derailed part above comes from the fact that even though I read 7 chapters in my text yesterday, I'm still on chapter 16 out of 45. Even now, I should be reading but I haven't blogged in so long and I really did have the textbook open on my lap and just couldn't get into it tonight. Maybe I did too much reading yesterday! I'm gonna be in serious trouble if I don't buckle down. I don't know if I work better under pressure in this instance. Sigh.

At this point, nothing I read tonight will stick so I'm calling it a night and getting to sleep. This extra has done nothing for me except get me to wake up early this morning, fight getting up and still I made it to work at the same time. I should get a job working graveyard. I'm better at night anyway.

Where Oh Where Has October Gone?

I am NOT ready for the holiday season. Not one bit.

Along with the holidays come the ever dreaded testing of my students, report cards and conferences. THen Thanksgiving, which again will be spent at a soccer tournament, this time in San Diego. I feel bad because Alex just got an opportunity to go to Florida on Christmas day to go to a tournament with another team for the Disney Classic at Disney World but it's super pricey and they want the $ tomorrow. We've never denied him the chance to further his soccer training but we just can't swing this one on such short notice. Now instead he wants to go to Spain to visit a friend who is living there for a year. This would just be airfare because the family has an apartment there and will take care of his meals, etc. I need to to look into it because I understand from a Spanish coworker that airfare to Spain around the holidays is also super pricey. I need to win the lottery or teach a whole lotta classes!

Halloween tomorrow. We celebrated at school Friday and tomorrow I'm supposed to have a regular academic day. Yeah, RIGHT. we'll see how THAT goes.

I've had in my head for days things I wanted to blog about. Can I remember any of them? Nope. Gonna try to study here for a bit and see how much sticks. Just about to start chapter 9, which is titled Understanding the Challenge of Behavior Change. Is super interesting so far because it's all about the psychological reasons and motivations behind why we make changes our lives, be it dietary, physically, etc. Deliberately embarking on a path of change. Right up my alley :-)

Today has been a pretty good day. However, I stayed up WAY too late last night waiting for my little prince to get home and then we stayed up talking about the dance. It made for a very difficult morning this morning! I slept in a bit and then had to get ready to teach at the gym. My back has been very sore and I am still two weeks out before my next massage. Oy.

I'm so excited that Alex has made the decision to play High School basketball. He has not played since middle school and he was such a dynamic force on the court that we have been hoping he would go out for it in high school. Because he is focused on a soccer scholarship, he has been adamant that he is only going to play soccer and both sports are at the same time. Soccer has been challenging for him lately and both he and franklin are looking for a break, a chance to rejuvenate, do something else and come back to it in the spring with a renewed sense of energy and focus. He's been thinking about it but the last two years we've approached it with him and he's shot us down. I think at this point in time, since he is struggling, he feels the need for a change. I don't think I've ever cheered as loud at a soccer game as I did during basketball, just because the action is constant, the crowds are intense and the noise level in gyms off the hook. He made it to several championship games and he was MVP many times. Granted, HS BB is a different level but he will go through tryouts and I work with a teacher who used to be the varsity coach at woodside and I've contacted him for some private sessions and we will go from there. It's going to be a different HS sports experience. Soccer games - small crowds, no concessions or announcers or cheerleaders, when the weather is wet and cold, only the die hards attend games. BB? Big crowds, music, announcers, cheerleaders, etc. I just want him to have all the different kinds of experiences he can.

Class today was great. I just adore my Sunday class. Part of it is that it was a class created just for me at the request of several members. But really, it's because it's grown over the last 9 months, not just in numbers but in the commitment and dedication of the participants. Today I was talking about increasing weights and gave them a challenge. Since it was only about 22 people, there were still small weights left and I challenged them to increase their back weight by just a small plate. EVERY SINGLE PERSON increased! Usually they just do what they want :-) We ran out of the small weights, I gave mine up to a lady and went with my standard back weight of 15 kgs on each side and at the end of the track, there were smiles all around as I congratulated them all on going heavier! Just a small increase can make a big difference and I was proud they all did it! I also challenged them to go on their toes for pushups, at least one or two if they have never come up off their knees before. I'm finally able to do the entire first set on my toes (10) and half (8)of the end of the track. Kills me, though!

Did some house cleaning, laundry, etc when I got home after grocery shopping, getting my coffee and bagels for the family, and worked on costumes at mom's with Amanda. I found my costume, just gonna be a cat again cause I have no energy or imagination and the parade at school is this Friday. Cassie, Jasmine and Lexi are adorable little pirates. We found a Jack Sparrow looking headpiece and Cassie, surprisingly wants to wear it. Amanda drew a mustache and beard on Lexi and it cracked us up how funny she looked!

Tuesday is our field trip to the Discovery Museum in San Jose. Only partly looking forward to it :-/

Tonight I was walking in the hallway and a stopped to look at some pictures of Alex as a child. His kindergarten picture with his cute little gap toothed smile, and one of as a toddler with his chubby cheeks. Big sap that I am, I started tearing up (surprise) and called him in to the hallway. He's grumbling as he comes in, and looked shocked when he saw tears running down my face and I took him in my arms and told him to slow down a bit. He hugged me and let me have my moment, but it's beginning to hit home that in just about 18 months he will graduate from high school and be off to college. Sigh.

I'm beat and sitting in bed with my Fitness Theory textbook, knowing that even if I read some, I'll fall asleep and none of it will stick. This is proving to be harder than I thought. Studying with kids? Not impossible but the last time I studied with a kid, it was Alexander and he was an easy mellow one. Cassie is more high maintenance. Sigh.

Maybe tomorrow.........

Princes, Princesses and Drama Queens GALORE

What a day for royalty! Hahahaha!!!

I took the kids for their flu shots today and while I knew this was going to happen, I didn't realize that in two weeks, my pediatricians office would close and move to a different location. This hit me as a BIT sad because my kids' doctor, Kim Harvey, is the daughter of MY pediatrician, Birt Harvey. So for the majority of my life, except for the time from 18-26, I have been going on a yearly basis, sometimes more to this office by Stanford Hospital. The same building, many of the same nurses, familiar rooms with the decals on the walls, etc. I spoke with the nurse who gave out the shots and she was actually hired by MY doctor 45 years ago. I have very fond memories of my doctor. He was always all about the patient. My mom tells the story of a time when I was 3 and had visited him for some illness. He called the house the day after and asked how I was doing. She began to respond and he told her the SHE was not his patient, I was, and to put me on the phone. He was bald and looked like Mr. Clean. He still is in medicine today, although on the research end with Stanford.

I was excited when I was pregnant with Alex to hear that his daughter was practicing in his old office, so we scheduled an appointment with her, like a pre-birth appointment. Franklin and I both liked her immediately and the rest is history. She is the reason that even though I pay a ton out of my pocket for health insurance, I will not change because I don't want to lose her as the doctor of my children. So while we will be going to a new, updated medical center in Menlo Park instead, thankfully we will still have he same great doctor and staff for my precious cargo. I took a couple of pictures of the kids at the office and as we drove away, got a bit teary eyed. I did not sob, or cry for long, it was just a bit of a nostalgic feeling knowing I would not go that familiar route ever again. Call me a sap, or a drama queen, or ridiculous, but WHATEVER. It was still a bit sad.

So speaking of drama queens, DQJ, Drama Queen Junior, as Cassie has been dubbed by Amanda, knew full well she was getting a shot today. Alex went first, she watched the needle going in and out, and then promptly started to freak out. She started crying "I need a break! I need a break!" I'm laughing and telling her "A break from WHAT?!" I had to pin her down while Alexander distracted her for the 2.5 seconds the actual shot took. He then picked her up and comforted her. Good grief. Two stickers later and she was fine. He doesn't remember the time when he was five and he bolted into the room, dove under a chair and screamed bloody murder! We had to take the chair off him, grab him and it took both Franklin and I to pin him down for whatever shot he was there to get!

I went off to teach at PAC. It's been 3 weeks since I have seen them and I received a nice welcome back. One member commented how they were well taken care of in my absence (thanks Pam) but that they did miss me. It's a very nice group of people.

After class I rushed off to the park by my house for Jasmine's 5th birthday party. It was a beautiful day at the park but as soon as I arrived Franklin and Alexander left for San Jose for a soccer game and needed the van which left me stranded, but my oldest brother Steve (Jazzy's grandpa) drove me around. We all went out for dinner this evening for his birthday (Monday he will be 58! Yikes! I made sure he knew that I was SO much younger and still in my early 40's!!) and also for Vince's 31st birthday next week (Jasmine's daddy). Mexican food made it tough for Amanda and I since we are not eating carbs after 6pm but we had taco salads, hers with shrimp and mine with grilled chicken and had a nice time out with them and my mom.

I've been anxiously awaiting to hear news from Alex about the Homecoming dance he is at. He was nominated to be on the ballot for Homecoming Prince but couldn't care less if he won or not. He had a fun week at school with all the Spirit activities he was involved in, admittedly that he HAD to do because he is Vice President and in Leadership, but he got into the spirit and truly had a good time. The game last night, the first and only one I've been to and stayed for in it's entirety, was fun and he was on the float he helped to build, then he worked the sidelines of the game with his friend videotaping plays. Tonight, after his soccer game he went to the dance and just called me a few minutes ago to ask if he could go to In N Out with a group of friends. When I asked him if he won, he said yes! And some girl named Summer won the title Princess. So now I wait up for him to come home. The Junioir class President, Laura, lives across the street from us so she is giving him a ride home. I just get very nervous with these kids driving around town on a Saturday night. Sigh. My little prince is growing up!

Procrastination? Or....

Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

I have sat down with this humongous text book for my certification exam each night since Sunday and I have yet to actually open it. Something keeps coming up, whether it's kids, laundry, or whatever, but I have not gotten past chapter 2. I realize I have to plan this out and pace myself because I only have two months but I'm already feeling behind the eight ball.

I didn't teach tonight and had every intention, after making dinner, to sit down and do some reading. Cassie even knew I had homework and was busy playing. The I received a phone call from a fellow instructor in the South Bay that I only know on Facebook and we talked for about an hour about all kinds of things. It's nice to make a connection with someone who's life was changed by BodyPump and has similar things in common, like kids, work, BP, life in general :-)

So here it is after 11:00, I'm blogging instead of studying, the kids are asleep and Franklin is at a coach's house doing who knows what. Talking soccer, of course. Alexander passed out after practice because he as been up since before 5:00am. I just posted a couple of spirit day pictures but I am so proud of the fact that I set my alarm for 4:50am and when it went off, I heard him in the shower and was able to lay in bed listening to him get ready but not actually have to get up and do anything! He even got a ride from a girl across the street and had a fun day overall. I'm glad his high school experience is turning out to be a good one, both academically and socially. Mine was all about his dad since mid sophomore year and while I don't regret it at all, I missed out on a lot and I'm just glad my son is having a different experience.

Maybe I can get 15 minutes of studying in.... If I stop blogging RIGHT NOW!!

Yikes.....

I AM BEAT.

Three days in a row of Bodypump79......left it's mark for sure. I'm in need of another massage again and it's only been a week, so that tells you how my upper back is wracked up, my quads are in knots.....I spent some time with my roller and a heating pad tonight but yikes. I'm glad tomorrow is an off day but it's supposed to be the day Amanda and I take the girls and go for our first mile run. We shall see.

Class was great last night in Daly City. One of the members had my equipment set up for me and I got to spend 1/2 an hour chatting with people and began the class thanking them for accepting me in their class for the last 4 weeks. It really is a great little group of pumpers and the staff at the front told me they loved me and hope I'll come back. It's really not that far and so if they even need a sub on a day I don't already teach, I would be happy to. One of my regular San Carlos guys came so it was nice to see a familiar face.

Class tonight was great. To consistently be able to do the lunge track without options is rewarding, as well as doing more and more pushups on my toes :-) I continue to see new faces each class. Two ladies that came to a 24Set class I subbed once (BP instead, of course) have been coming to my classes pretty regularly and it's nice to see they have converted :-) I also am quite worried about something but I don't want to go too into detail here. It's just that there are some serious issues going on with another class and it worries me what kind of experience members are having. Teaching 3 out of 4 classes here really gives me a sense of ownership and responsibility for all the members that take BodyPump. I want them to have a great experience each time and I only have control over my own classes. That said, new members may get discouraged if their experience is less than ideal and may not stick around long enough to see what a great program this is. I spoke to Justin about it tonight and hopefully something can be done. It's out of my hands, as it should be. It's just very hard to see a program that you are passionate about being delivered in a way that is not in the essence. Sigh.

I ended the class by putting away my equipment, and as I bent over to pick up my bar, which had rolled close to the mirror, and promptly smacked my forehead against the glass. Thank goodness no one saw it. I did leave a big sweaty forehead mark on the glass, along with some skin cells, most likely, and my dignity for sure! Felt like a big ole doofus.

Up at 5:00am to wake up Alexander because he has to go decorate the parking lot at school for Junior day. I'm not a Junior. Why in the world to do I have to get up? Cause he can't do it. Sigh. On a happier note, he is on the official ballot for Homecoming Prince. ROFLMAO! I told him I wouldn't post on FB but if he wins, it's ALL over :-) hee hee hee, I'm an evil mommy!

Ice Skating + Me= OMG

I suppose it could be the running I did yesterday. But I suspect it was the ice skating. While I don't have actual visible bruises on my lower shins, when I press the area that the skates hit at the top of the laces - wow. Pain. Plus I'm sore along the top of my foot all the way up to my shins, my hamstrings are t-i-g-h-t and my core?! Well, who knew that you need core stabilizers to hold yourself upright while balancing on ice skates! I feel it deep in my abs and obliques. Almost like after CX-Worx! All told, my body is hurting and that made for a tough BodyPump class today. I went a bit lighter on squats, but man oh man! Again, I had muscle failure at the end! And it really irks me that on Sunday's it seems to be that the air flow is non existent. Jason came in during class to open the back door and let a cross breeze in. Proud that I finished lunges, bottom halves and all, without falling over and in shoulders I did the entire first set of push ups on my toes again and the last set, almost half. I'm getting there.

Alexander had a soccer game at DeAnza college today and Cassie didn't want to go, so I took this chance to get some studying done in the hour before the game and at half time. This is what I got accomplished - read the entire study guide, and the first two chapters, which is merely the intro- the real meat begins in chapter 3. I also tabbed out the sections in the text that the study guide recommends in order to pace the lessons and it also gives an assignment to do at the end of each study session. Surprisingly, although it sucks to be reading any kind of text book again, I found the information so far really interesting.

One point that stuck out for me: in the past the recommendation was to perform moderate exercise for 30 minutes a day. Studies now show that in order to lose and maintain weight, closer to 2 hours is recommended. Wow. I suppose if you are totally sedentary, 30 minutes is a great start to get up and get moving, but to hear that in order to really lose and maintain your weight you need much more than that? It can be ovewhelming to hear that if you are obese and struggle with real life responsibilities, families, work, etc. But the reality is if you don't put yourself at the top of the priority list, nothing will change. You have to be committed to the benefits that exercise and a healthy lifestyle will give you, how it will improve your quality of life and your overall wellness. It's not easy to plan, to figure out how to make it all work. But I did it. It can be done. You have to want it, to commit to it, to realize you are worth it.

When I began on my journey, and I was doing BodyPump three times a week for an hour, it wasn't until I added Body Combat for that additional hour of cardio that things sped up and started to change. How much exercise was I doing? 2 hours, three times a week. There you go. It was not daily, but it was three days coupled with changes in my diet that made the weight loss dramatic.

Although I'm nervous about studying for the next two months, I'm a bit excited at taking my knowledge base to another level. Maybe I can use what I learn to really help someone on an individual level. This exam prepares and qualifies me to teach in a group fitness setting but the information I will learn will hopefully be beneficial to individual participants as well.

Tomorrow is my last subbing job in Daly City for Madds. It was a great run with a fun group, but I'm ready to have my Monday's back. Amanda and I will start running again this Wednesday and hopefully do Monday's and Wednesday's. My heels were bugging me a bit today but not bad. I still need to deal with them.

Monday. Sigh. I'm not ready.

My Daughter is a ROCK STAR

What an amazing day. Cassie honestly surprised me.

I'm so exhausted, literally nodding off at 8:00 tonight while at a family birthday party, and it's now 11:00 and my eyesight is blurring but I need to get this out. At least I can sleep in a bit before I go teach.

I woke up at 6:00 am and got ready, then got Cassie up and out of the house at 7:00. Cassie was amenable to getting up since she was going to see Jasmine. We got to mom's house, sat the girls down for breakfast and then loaded the girls up in my van along with Amanda and her hubby Vince and off we went to downtown Redwood City. Parking was easy; we parked in the county courthouse lot and walked to the starting point. I ran into Claudia, a fellow teacher at another school, who was walking with her niece. There was a decent crowd but it was so laid back and relaxed, it was unlike the only other 1/2 marathon that I've been a part of - the San Jose Rock N Roll last year. Since it was the first annual OktobeRun, I knew there would be kinks to work out.

We ran into other teachers, Zoe and Jen, who work at Kennedy, Alexander's former middle school. Then we ran into Nancy and Randi, his teachers from elementary school. Of course everyone asked where he and his dad were at but Alex had some school meetings to go to for Homecoming week and Franklin was at a soccer game. We also ran into the Meak family, Liza, Van! Olivia, Erin and Carrie. Cassie was thrilled to see her friends, and the race began.

The race started and we were off. We began walking but after a block started to jog. The route wasn't pretty, downtown RWC is flat and through businesses. The way the city blocked off the route is definitely something they have to work through. The cones blocked off a small lane to run but the rest was still open to traffic. Alexis wanted to be out of the stroller and walk/run with the girls but Amanda didn't feel safe with the cars so nearby.

As we neared the turnaround point for the 5K (the 1/2 kept going out towards the bay and Redwood Shores) the traffic thinned and we were alternating walking with running. It started to feel really good being out running on pavement, even though hadn't done it for SO long. The girls were complaining a bit about running, but they were not stopping. Amanda had told them that we were not going to be losers, we were "wieners" because of how Franklin pronounces the word winners. That seemed to be our theme throughout the race - "let's be wieners", "lets go Team Wieners!" or "we're wieners, not losers"! It was funny and would fuel the girls on when they were getting tired.

Almost to the turnaround point, we were crossing on the overpass that crossed over 101. The girls got a kick out of waving at the passing cars on the freeway. We turned at the halfway point, grabbed a Dixie cup of water and headed back. At this point a bit of whining started to emerge, but Amanda and I kept motivating them, telling them we were almost done, they could do it, we are wieners, not losers, etc. Cassie would sprint ahead many times and then get so winded that I found my self running along side her giving her tips like relax your hands, slow your pace, move your arms like this, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. It surprised me that she actually responded! This helped her to pace herself and go longer between walking breaks.

Toward the end, we ran into a husband and wife couple that kept commenting on how cute the girls were. Liza and Erin (5) ran ahead once Van finished running and came back to push Carrie in the stroller, so we finished the race with Van, Carrie(3) and Olivia (8)(who does not enjoy running!) The husband was teasing the girls whenever they passed us, and the last time, when we were about 4 blocks from the finish line he teased them again. We told the girls that we didn't want them beating us cause we were wieners and for some reason, it lit a fire under their butts and they took off running! I had to slow them down again but we made a deal that we would cross the finish line running not walking. We were a block from the end and running and I realized it would be great to have video, even though I knew it wouldn't come out great cause I would be bouncing all over the place. I am SO glad I did. As we approached the finish line, the announcer called out each of our names and the girl' ages! In the very bouncy, nauseatingly rocky video, you can hear him calling "Jasmine Hall, age 4! Cassandra Herrera, age 6! Amanda Hall, Kristy Herrera! You can see the girls putting a fist in the air as they run across the finish line! So amazing and precious, I'm glad I captured it even with the bumpy video. We stopped and volunteers cut off our sensors, we got our goody bags and stopped for pictures.

Most of this time, Alexis was either with Amanda on her back or with Vince. He ended up walking the whole way with her while the rest of us jogged with the empty stroller. At one point I pushed the stroller as we ran. That was freaking HARD! It's a regular stroller, not a jogging stroller. Once we crossed the finish line, Amanda ran back to get Vince and Alexis and I took pictures with the girls and gave then snacks I had packed. I checked the race times after we finished - 55 minutes, 18 minute miles! Not bad for the first time for these little monkeys!

The look of pure happiness on Cassie and Jasmine's faces at the end was priceless. They had a great time and I know they felt a sense of accomplishment. I personally found that I actually miss running. It wasn't really hard for me, but I worried about my heel pain and found it was actually OK. Even tonight they are not sore, but we didn't do the kind of distances I used to when I was training. But it made me realize I want to start running again. Maybe not training, but getting out and running.

Amanda and I decided we are going to start running, even a mile at a time, during the week. When the hell I will have time, who knows. She asked Jasmine if she wanted to run and got a NO. She asked Cassie and surprisingly Cassie said yes, to which Jasmine promptly changed her answer to a yes as well. They had a ton of energy as we walked back to the car and kept talking about "their 5K". I hope the excitement lasts, but the rest of the day this was the hot topic. Amanda and I were beyond proud of our girls. 3 miles is a lot at their age, and we both had thought we would be walking the entire course. The fact they ran at all was amazing, when their energy waned, with some motivational cues and coaching, these little girls rose above and beyond what we had dared hope. They are amazing little girls! Since they only got shirts and no medals, they decided their reward for a job well done will be a trip to get frozen yogurt, which we will do after I teach BP tomorrow.

After a much deserved stop at Starbucks, we went back to mom's, fed them and then Cassie and I went home to shower and ice my knees. I was already stiffening and feeling some pain, and knew that Kendra's ice skating party was at 3:00.

Alexander had promised he would skate with Cassie, as she had never put on skates before. Well, he decided that he didn't want to hurt himself before his soccer game tomorrow, yet I was terrified of getting on ice skates and injuring MYSELF when I have to teach BP the next three days in a row. Plus I've NEVER liked ice skating. Maybe because I was so fat I would fall HARD, and my ankles were weak and I could never balance well on those blades.

We arrived at Winter Lodge in Palo Alto, which had both an indoor rink and an outdoor rink. Tiffany handed us two tickets for skates. Franklin didn't want to skate so guess who stepped up? Yup. Me. Damn. I was so terrified of falling down. It's been more than 20 years since I'd ice skated. I like to roller skate - maybe because I had 4 wheels to balance on.

Well these skates were so stiff that I couldn't even bend at my ankle. They were extremely uncomfortable, but off to the ice I went with Cassie. We spent the first 4 times around the rink being rail huggers. It was so unnerving being on ice skates. Cassie kept wanting to hold my hand and I had a hard time balancing myself, let alone her and trying to stay upright. Had to uses some serious core strength to maintain my balance!

At times Cassie would go off and hold hands with here friends parents, or her friends. After about 45 minutes on the ice I realized how famished I was and remembered I never really ate after the race. I snacked a bit and then had my coffee but I was starved. I took a break, had some cheese, crackers and turkey and then hit the ice again. At this point, Cassie was feeling more comfortable and was happily hugging the wall with her friends. I tried to get her to take a break but she kept plugging along. She was pretty fearless. Again, I was immensely proud of her because this is not the Cassie of late. She would not be so willing to put herself out there independently, usually wanting me or her dad to do things with her.

Today, for the first time, I saw her exert her independence, in a very different way. In a good way. It made me see her as a bit more grown up, laughing and enjoying herself with her friends and doing something completely out of her comfort zone with no fear. She took a few dives, got right back up and kept going.

My little monkey. Growing up.

Tonight we had to go to a family birthday dinner and she had so much energy I couldn't believe it. I was nodding off at 8:00 and she was going full steam. Of course, we left at 10:00 and she was asleep in the car before we got to the corner so I'm sure she will sleep well. Me? I'm freaking exhausted but I had to get this day down before I forgot.

My little Rock Star.

What a Friday!

I was made to promise I would post a "retraction" of sorts to last night's blog. I literally posted it and then 10 minutes later got a phone call from a certain someone yelling at me for obsessing about my weight! I've been told, and I KNOW this, that muscle weighs more than fat, and I need to throw away my scale, I need to look at how I feel and how my clothes fit, etc., blah blah blah. I know I have a problem. However, it's been a long while since I weighed and it was not an obsessive kind of weigh in, it was a very calm check in kind of weigh in. I was HAPPY at what I found! Usually it goes the other way and I am pissed at the lack of downward movement.

I will admit, that even though the scale moved down, I start reflecting on the big picture - how little I've lost since last year. There was a time when I was losing so rapidly, and consistently, that one can't help wonder why I've slowed down. I realize it's a lot of factors, including my diet, my overall workout plan, my slower metabolism, and so on. But as I said yesterday, I'm feeling a newfound focus and hopefully things will start to move.

If I do weigh again, I will try to remember not to post here. To avoid getting slapped on the hand ;-P

I just read one of Pam's blogs and she had a link to a blog that showed woman at the beginning of her journey, and one after - and she weighed the EXACT SAME WEIGHT IN EACH PICTURE. Kinda blew me away. I do get it, and I have said this before, but when you have been overweight your entire life, the obsession with the scale and weight is a hard one to overcome. Amanda and I were driving to pick up our race day packets today and I told her the other day I was walking after my class, still in my workout clothes and I happened to walk by a store window, looked at my profile (cause who doesn't look at themselves) and thought "she looks fit, she looks good" or something like that and it took me a second to realize I was looking at ME. It took me aback, and at the next pane of glass I had to look close before it sunk in that it was me. She laughed at me, but it still takes me by surprise. I am not skinny. I most likely will never be. But I'm skinny for me. Skinnier. My mind, however, is still a bit overweight.

I received my AFAA study materials today. I just have two words. Oh CRAP.

Tomorrow is kind of a big day. I will do my first 5k with my daughter. She and her 5 year old cousin Jasmine are doing it together with my niece Amanda. I'm excited to show Cassie that fitness can be fun, we can do it as a family, we have some friends with kids walking also and she is excited to "race". We need to leave the house at 7:00am so that will be interesting, especially since I am not asleep yet.

The boys are still at the Woodside vs Sequioa football game. It was packed as I drove by. These two rivals have not played each other in about 25 yrs. Hope they're having fun but I'm crashing RIGHT NOW.

Gotta rest up for OktobeRun :-)

Change Is A Comin'

Oh yes. I feel it. I crave it. I'm finding a new focus and today for the first time in awhile I felt really like things are moving.

Nothing too overly profound. I stepped on the scale today, it's been probably a month, maybe three weeks. I don't know. I don't get on often anymore because the damn thing is either broken or I literally have gained and lost the same 5 pounds since July 2010. I've have never gotten below this certain number that ends in a 5. And this time span included training and completing a half marathon, training for and teaching a butt load of BodyPump. I've gotten leaner, sure. Built muscle, of course. But lost any weight? NOPE. Gone down even one pant size? NOOOOOOOO.

Amanda, my 26 year old niece and I have set some new goals to work on our health. Now she is a former Marine, and in great shape even after having two kids. She wears booty shorts to my BodyPump classes, so you get the picture. She recognizes, however, that as she eats pretty much whatever she wants, that she needs to start making better choices so that when she gets older (yes, my age!) she won't be struggling.

Coupled with Alex's recommendations for me with pushups and other upper body work, Amanda and I are both not eating any carbs after 6pm. This is day three. The first night we were texting between 10-11:00 pm cause we were both hungry! We had done BP and then came home and ate some salad and steak. Not enough! Last night was easier and tonight alright. I ate my carbs this morning at breakfast and then a bit at lunch.

I am also cutting back on Starbucks. I know. It breaks my heart. I go every morning, several times a week I'll go twice a day, on my off days from teaching, or like yesterday, after a massage. It was really hard not to get one after my massage yesterday. I also am cutting out the artificial sweeteners, slowly, but my skinny vanilla latte has been my drink for years. Today I got a regular vanilla latte with fewer pumps. It was just fine. Sigh. One day at a time. Amanda is limiting her string cheese habit to one a day. We are both increasing our water consumption.

So when I decided to get on the scale this morning, it was to take a baseline from. To my surprise, I'm down two pounds from my lowest ever in the last 15 months, and down four pounds from the last time I weighed. That last number is now a 3.

So I feel a change is in the air. A breakthrough on the scale, a new found focus, a partner to do this with, and the fact that AIM is coming up in a month and I want to be leaner. Stronger.

Class tonight was packed, not as much as Tuesday but I got to talk to two new participants. They shared with me how much they liked my class but were so upset on Tuesday because they got there right at 6:30 and there were no weights or steps left. They went on the elliptical for 20 minutes, got disgusted and left! They need to talk to the manager but I let them know that they need to get to there 15 minutes early and then storm the room and grab a spot and equipment. It reminds me of Gold's gym and how we had to get there early and do the same thing in Alex's class.

I was in pain a good part of the day. Sore after my massage, maybe. Had lower and upper back pain and a tweaky knee. I was a bit concerned about class but I know from past experience that once I get started it all feels better. Well, BP79 is leaving it's mark. I felt a bit off tonight, made a couple of timing errors. Squats? I went down by just a bit and still almost wasn't able to complete the track. Biceps? Felt SO hard. Lunges? Disastrous. The floor was so slippery, I kept sliding, had to put the bar down and use my own body weight just to attempt to stay upright, and it was still damn hard. An off night I suppose, but I'm just glad it didn't happen while I was being observed! At least I'm not teaching Saturday so I have two days off from the gym and then three days in a row, as I'm covering one last class in Daly City for Madds. Eek. Bp79 three days in a row.

Tomorrow morning I am being observed in my classroom AGAIN. Sigh. I'm used to it but it still sucks. An outside facilitator plus the administration and several teachers will be watching. UGH. I just want Friday to be over.

After school Amanda and I will go to Fleet Feet and pick up our race day packets for the 5k we are doing in RWC with our girls on Saturday. We'll be pushing Alexis in her stroller and Jasmine and Cassie will walk or jog with us. Should be a beautiful day.

Off to ice my shoulders and back. Yes, BP 79 is leaving it's mark ;-)