My BABY.....

Is turning 17 tomorrow. Why does this bring tears to my eyes?

I said good night to him tonight, standing in the door to his room and was overcome with emotion. Sat down on his bed and just rubbed his head. Of course he was like, "don't cry mom!" but he indulged me. I guess a lot of things are hitting me at once tonight.

Like the fact that tomorrow he is taking his permit test, again, but I've been quizzing him and he is ready. I'm confideent he will be a permitted driver tomorrow. On his birthday. Oh boy.

And the fact that an unexpected opportunity to buy him a car came up today. Franklin's cousin's husband's brother's daughter (hahaha) is selling her car, an older one in great condition for an amazing price. The fact that we've known her and her parents for almost 20 years makes me trust what they are selling, and he could be practicing in this car for the next 6 months. But with Florida happening for him in 2 weeks, the timing is not great financially but it's one of those chances that if we don't take it, we may not be able to buy him anything for a long time. Somehow I have to make this work. Franklin could also use this vehicle for soccer and I wouldn't have to be stuck without the van when he needs to transport more boys. It could be a win win situation. If it's meant to be, it will happen somehow.

My life completely changed exactly 17 years ago. I didn't know I was having a boy, and I ended up having a c-section after being induced and in labor all day. I also gave birth on a Friday, just like tomorrow. It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life, giving birth to my first born.

He continues to bring me joy, love, a sense of pride and intense frustration on a daily basis. As I was quizzing him on his drivers test tonight, it just hit me that I don't have a baby anymore, I barely have a child. I have a young man. One who shaves, argues, thinks, negotiates, manipulates, loves and protects, shares, cares, impresses others with so many wonderful qualities......

My son. My baby. All grown up and about to embark on a very exciting time - for him. The driving part. Me?

I'm terrified.