A milestone

December 9, 1994. My baby is 16 years old today. I know it's a part of life, but it seems like just yesterday - okay, that's a lie - but it feels like not so long ago that I was freaking out about my life changing. I had been with Franklin since I was 15, and here I was, 26 and this BABY, whatever it was going to be, was going to change all that I knew, all that I had built. How dare it? No matter that it was planned, how dare it come in and change what was already so good? I know I freak out way more often than most people I know. Must be the emotional Pisces curse. And I clearly remember a particular freak out moment. Franklin was making a cassette tape (hahaha) for me to listen to on our monster sized boombox during labor and I just started bawling......because nothing would ever be the same. I was so afraid of change back then, I mean I still freak out with change but I  like to think I handle it a little bit better now! The scary thing was, at that moment, is I knew that I was POWERLESS to stop it. So many of the changes and growth I have experienced over the last 2 years, I could have stopped, I could have made the decision to take a different path. But this baby? What the hell was I thinking? And it was too late to stop it. I was doomed.

Well, not really. But it sure felt like it. I am happy to say that once that kid was cut out of my belly and his little fat face put up to mine, with his big nostrils flaring at me, as drugged up as I was, I was in love and I have never regretted one moment. Even through all the postpartum pain, the worry, the anxiety, the brother/sister type relationship we seem to have because we argue all the time, the frustration at his lack of common sense sometimes, I have never regretted having him.

I never freaked out about Cassie. Even with 11 years between them, I knew what to expect and at least my only worry was how would Alexander handle not being the only kid in town. No matter that he was the one begging us for years to give him a sibling. Then to try for 6 years and not be able to do it because of my thyroid issue, once I got pregnant with her, it was all good.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I am tired. So very tired. I am a mom. Yippee!!!!