The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is such a wasted emotion. I have lived with it, been in it, surrounded by it, my entire life in some form or another. Whether I was the jealous one, or the recipient of jealous emotions, it has been a part of my life even as a child. My mother was jealous of my dad's band when he was playing and made him stop. I was jealous of the girls that liked Franklin in high school. And on it goes.

I never imagined, as I began this journey to losing weight and getting healthy, that jealousy would play into it. I mean, there is always some insecurity that comes into a relationship when one loses weight and gets fit, I guess. But I am talking about jealousy and envy from unlikely places - friends. There have been the snide comments, the sideways glances, the comments muttered under the breath. I would like to think that people are genuinely happy for the work I have put in to changing my life and my health. I think most people are. But there are some that no matter how happy they may say they are, the snide comments continue to get me and confuse me.

I know I don't walk around and strut and show off. I am not that kind of person. I am also not physically yet at the place that I want to ultimately be. I am having fun with my journey, and I am proud of how far I have come and that may come off as confident, but certainly I don't feel cocky. On the contrary, I am still quite embarrassed at times about it all.

We had dinner with a couple of couples recently and one wife continues to make comments about certain things that I won't go into, but needless to say, it feels so uncomfortable to be around her because I keep hearing comments about how I must spend so much time at the gym and Franklin spends so much time at the soccer field that we are headed for disaster. ???!!!! HUH? He is very supportive of me, and is always telling me how proud of me he is for how hard I have worked. I could not have done this without his love and support and to say to my face that something is going on because we are both so busy or that we should divorce because we don't spend so much time together really pisses me off.

No one knows what goes on in our lives (well, okay, since I FB all the time and blog, people really DO know what goes on in our lives but that's besides the point).  The reality is that the reality of losing weight is not well portrayed on popular shows like the Biggest Loser, etc. because while they show the hard work and some of what it is like when they return home, it is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. There are harsh realities people deal with, like the envy and jealousy of others. And the funny thing is, other people think that oh, you look great and you lost all this weight so your life is perfect but it's NOT. Yes, I feel great and think I look good, but there are negative consequences as well and it's NOT FAIR. It should be known that it is still a constant struggle, it's not easy to maintain and maybe I push my excitement about fitness off a little too much and that is something I have to learn how to curb but I AM excited about becoming a member of the fitness community and why SHOULD I have to be quiet?

Oh I am too tired right now to continue and it's stressed me out most of the day because I just am puzzled at the whole thing. Maybe another night to sleep on it will make it begin to make sense in my mind. Any comments or emails to me on the subject are appreciated cause I just don't get it. People, I like to believe, are genuinely good hearted. Why are all the green eyed ones coming at me??!!