I feel a bit sad today. Not just because it's my dad's birthday, and since he has been gone, I spend the day remembering him and how we spent his birthday in years past. Mostly, as I got older and had kids, just taking him out for a meal or spending a couple of hours with him, then leaving to do our own thing. In hindsight, I wish I had spent more time with him, not just on his birthday but in general. He loved me so much, and I took for granted that he would always be there, and now he's not, and regret is a terrible emotion. I know he would be so proud of me right now, and how far I have come. We were fellow couch potatoes, sedentary to a fault, and after my parent's divorce, as a kid, we would spend time together eating, going to the movies or watching tv.
As he got older and had more health problems, mobility was not much of an option for him, and he spent most of his days in front of the tv, able to move around with a walker, and then the last year, on a scooter. It became difficult to take him anywhere because it was so hard for him to move around. I don't want to spend the last two hours of this decade remembering the tough times for him, but it's hard when his birthday is always at the end of the year to not reflect in some ways.
After he died, of complications from diabetes, congestive heart failure, heart attack, etc. I began on my journey. I had just turned 40, had lost dad the summer before, and didn't want to end up like him healthwise. Because of him, and all the pain he suffered, I wanted to make a change for me, for my children, for my future. I wish he were alive to know how much he influenced me. I know he knows it, I know he has helped me while I have gone through this transformation, but I still can't help but wish that he were here to really see it. I have felt his presence many times, and I have drawn on that strength to get me through some tough times.
I feel so reflective tonight, and we just got home after a long day out. I left the house at 7:30 am to drive to San Jose and take BodyCombat and BodyFlow with Donna, and it was so much fun to finally meet her and get to know another member of my new Les Mills family. Then I stopped at 24 Hour Fitness and spoke to Chris, who checked and saw that my background check had cleared (on Christmas Eve!! which means I am now an official employee and can teach!) I came home, made breakfast, we then went to the mall to exchange some Christmas gifts and then Cassie and I went for long overdue manicures and I got a much needed pedicure. Alexander is at a friend's house for a party, which is strange because we always spend NYE together. That family invited us over for the festivities but I just want to stay home, get in my jammies and stay warm. I am in a very reflective mood because of the kind of year I have had and I just want to write whatever comes to mind.
I think back to 2000. The beginning of the new millennium. 10 years ago. Where the hell did the time go? So much has happened these last 10 years. 10 years ago was a lifetime ago from where I am at this moment. I was working for a dot-com as a Senior Project Manager. Alexander was only 6 years old. So much has happened since then....
*Tim, my brother's best friend from elementary school, was in a car accident with his wife Theresa and their son Mathew, 2 on 1-1-01 and was killed in that accident. It is impossible to fathom that was 10 years ago tomorrow. I still remember vividly the phone call from my brother, remember the pain that followed for everyone. And in the years since then, more changes. Ron falling in love with and marrying his best friend's wife, becoming a dad to Mathew, blending the families together. Can't imagine our family without them in our lives now.
*Getting laid off from my job after spending 4 months as a juror on a murder trial, causing me to put in action the steps to go back to school, get my credential and become a teacher.
*Being diagnosed with Graves disease, hyperthyroidism, and all the medication, testing, weight loss then weight gain that went along with it. Not being able to get pregnant because of it. Going into and remaining in remission.
*Having a miscarriage, then getting pregnant and having Cassie 11 years after Alexander. She is my miracle baby and an amazing child.
*Losing several aunts and uncles: Oom Huib, Oom Will, Tante Fien, Oom Dick, Oom Ben just this year. As my mother's brothers and sisters get older, it happens more frequently and is just sad because it means we are all getting older. Losing Franklin's grandparents, Mamita and Papalencho. Neither of them got to meet Cassie. Having great grandparents is special, something I never had, but I am thankful Alexander got to know them.
*Losing Dad. Enough said.
*Survived a major car accident on the freeway with Cassie, getting sideswiped by a huge gravel truck and walked away with minor injuries.
And then, the biggest transformation of all. This year alone, even though I began almost three years ago, has been the most amazing year of all, in terms of personal, emotional, spiritual and physical growth for me. I've blogged about my journey before, but I can't help but replay 2010 over and over in my head because that is the year it actually STUCK. This past year feels like it was fast forwarded, because of how my life has done such a complete 180 since last January. Last January, I had lost 30 pounds but was not consistent with food and exercise and was just living my life as a wife, mom and teacher.
Now, in December, I am an additional 30 pounds lighter, discovered a passion and desire for exercise and physical activity, began running, have run (okay, and walked) a half marathon, have made some new wonderful friends, trained to teach BodyPump and was just hired to be a group fitness instructor. HUH? Did I miss something? This is the stuff that happens over years and years. Not in just 12 short months.
It is so exciting to me to think about 2011. The first year of the second decade of the new millennium. Okay, whatever. It's a new year, and for the first time in my life, probably, I am really, truly certain that this year is going to be phenomenal. I'm always hopeful, always wish that the next year will be better than the last. But for the first time, I feel it in my gut. I can't help but be absolutely certain that it will be because I have witnessed a year that exceeded my wildest dreams.
I am a lucky woman, but also one that has rediscovered that I am not afraid of hard work, not afraid of putting myself out there. The only thing getting in the way was me, and I am not afraid anymore. Yes, I have frequent freak out moments. But I find it works for me. I need to voice the fear, feel reassurance, then face it head on and plow right through it. It takes hard work, consistency, drive, dedication, determination, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, teasing, embarrassment, pain, pain and more pain, but a whole lot of FUN FUN FUN. I don't think, looking back at the year, that I would trade any bit of what I went through. I don't think I would change or alter any of my experiences.
I am hopeful, excited, thankful, grateful for every person I have met, for every sore muscle I have had, for every tear I have shed. I am alive, I am loved, and I love.
Every moment of it. Bring it on, 2011. I am more than ready. I can't wait for the ride of a lifetime.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Whew. Christmas Craziness is over!
I have to say this was probably the best holiday I have had in years. And I didn't do a stitch of shopping until literally right before. There were several emotional freak out moments, fighting off a cold and exhaustion from the week before, and a long drive to Roseville and back yesterday. But once I was able to sit, relax, and enjoy the family moments, it was great. I took lots of great pictures, everyone in both families were present and accounted for, which hasn't happened in awhile, and it was so nice to feel good physically, feel loved and appreciated, and to give love back. Life is good. Other than missing Dad, that missing piece, it was a good holiday. New Year's will most likely be difficult, as always, since it is Dad's birthday, but I will muddle through it.
I am excited to see Kimi tomorrow in SF and do Spin and Body Flow. My body needs some hard cardio and some gentle flow. Too many sweets the last couple of days. Not enough exercise since my audition. Time to get back to it. Wednesday I am going to SF to see Alex and shadow with him during BP. I think what that means is I will be up front with him without saying anything, which is just fine with me! This is to help me get used to being in front of a class. I am BEYOND excited to see my two favorite LM people!!!!
When I think that launch is in less than 2 weeks, I start to have a freak out moment. I am still waiting to hear back from 24Hour regarding my background check (since I am a teacher, there BETTER not be anything unsavory there!!) and then I can meet with Angie again to talk about the launch and what my role will be. At this point, I know other instructors who will be team teaching that weekend in other clubs but I don't know what her plan is. She is doing the launch both Sat and Sun but the San Carlos gym has no Sunday classes. I will follow up on Wednesday or Thursday with the Operations manager at the club to see if the background check is complete.
Had a very productive day today, and I am so thankful I don't have to work this week. Slept in just a bit, after going to bed at 2am, made breakfast, went to the recycling center and took a ton of plastic bottles - got $70!!! Usually Alexander gets to keep the money but he was at a friend's house today participating in a RWC Amazing Race event all over town so guess who gets the money? I would love to put it on a Starbucks card (hahaha) but it is going in the kitty to save for our Dallas tournament in April. Flying the four of us out there won't be cheap, plus hotel, food, etc. Not to mention having to babysit 20 or so 16 year old boys....I can't wait. Then we went to the laundromat and got caught up on the backload of laundry - trying to do load after load in a small stackable just doesn't work. Did all of it quickly and had a nice lunch, just the three of us, and now Cassie and I are playing Perfection while the boys are out. Loved that game when I was young.
I feel so boring right now. Like I really have nothing interesting to say. That's a new one. Guess that's a sign to log off and put everyone out of their misery. I'll wait to write until something exciting happens.
I am excited to see Kimi tomorrow in SF and do Spin and Body Flow. My body needs some hard cardio and some gentle flow. Too many sweets the last couple of days. Not enough exercise since my audition. Time to get back to it. Wednesday I am going to SF to see Alex and shadow with him during BP. I think what that means is I will be up front with him without saying anything, which is just fine with me! This is to help me get used to being in front of a class. I am BEYOND excited to see my two favorite LM people!!!!
When I think that launch is in less than 2 weeks, I start to have a freak out moment. I am still waiting to hear back from 24Hour regarding my background check (since I am a teacher, there BETTER not be anything unsavory there!!) and then I can meet with Angie again to talk about the launch and what my role will be. At this point, I know other instructors who will be team teaching that weekend in other clubs but I don't know what her plan is. She is doing the launch both Sat and Sun but the San Carlos gym has no Sunday classes. I will follow up on Wednesday or Thursday with the Operations manager at the club to see if the background check is complete.
Had a very productive day today, and I am so thankful I don't have to work this week. Slept in just a bit, after going to bed at 2am, made breakfast, went to the recycling center and took a ton of plastic bottles - got $70!!! Usually Alexander gets to keep the money but he was at a friend's house today participating in a RWC Amazing Race event all over town so guess who gets the money? I would love to put it on a Starbucks card (hahaha) but it is going in the kitty to save for our Dallas tournament in April. Flying the four of us out there won't be cheap, plus hotel, food, etc. Not to mention having to babysit 20 or so 16 year old boys....I can't wait. Then we went to the laundromat and got caught up on the backload of laundry - trying to do load after load in a small stackable just doesn't work. Did all of it quickly and had a nice lunch, just the three of us, and now Cassie and I are playing Perfection while the boys are out. Loved that game when I was young.
I feel so boring right now. Like I really have nothing interesting to say. That's a new one. Guess that's a sign to log off and put everyone out of their misery. I'll wait to write until something exciting happens.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A Momentus Day - YES, Another One!!
I don't know how many of these great days one person is entitled to, but I'll will take them if they keep coming. Today was my audition at 24Hour Fitness......finally the days of practicing seemingly non-stop would either pay off or I would be back to square one.
Yesterday was overall not very productive in terms of practicing as I went to the Exploratorium with Amanda, Vince and the girls. Had a great time but weighing on my mind was the fact that I needed to run through all the tracks. We got back to RWC in time to grab a quick bite at In N Out before heading off to the gym to do an actual class run through using Amanda as my guinea pig. The gym manager let me use the sound system so I could put on the CD, use the equipment and pretend to be an instructor. Ran into Jessica there and pulled her into the "class", and I cannot explain the thrill as I began......I got giddy! Did the class but had to stop 10 minutes early because the next instructor came in and participants started to arrive, but kept pretty much on time. Not bad for a first run through. Finished with the girls out in the gym. It's amazing how much it lowered my anxiety about today. They were so funny, I even got an "I hate you" from Jess. I've given that comment out many times! It was amazing how strong I felt, being able to complete the class when the girls had a hard time finishing certain tracks.
After we were finished, I got great feedback from them. I made several errors in choreography, and they both said that they never would have known it if my face hadn't given it away. That's has always been a problem of mine, even though I used to act in high school and could cry on command. I guess I need to brush up on my acting skills and learn how to just keep going if I make a mistake. Alex says it's a show - I need to learn how to perform, and it's not about the mistakes I make but how I recover from them. I also started out talking too fast - another constant problem of mine, even when teaching in my classroom. My constant motor mouth. Once I got more comfortable and confident, they said I got better. I kept it moving, didn't dilly dally, forgot to mention some of the options, but I felt such a rush when it was over! I am so excited to continue to do this and get better and better at it.
Went to dinner at Benihana with mom, Amanda and her family, and mine. Had a great time, but didn't get home until after 10:30 and didn't get much practice in. Sigh. Then Cassie, who had a runny nose for a day, had a really bad night. Coughing, congested, crying and throwing fits all night in her sleep. Needless to say, the good night's sleep I needed, I did not get.
Woke up around 9am and dealt with a cranky, sick child, which of course, didn't leave any time to practice! By 11:00 am, the nervousness started in. By noon, I felt sick but got ready and left the house around 12:30. When I arrived at the gym, Angie was still teaching spin so I hung out, stretched, tried to calm myself down. When I finally met her, I asked her if I should set up and she said she would meet me in the Group X room. I started to set up and when she asked if she had given me a track list and I said no, she told me to choose anything I wanted to do! I asked what she wanted to see, and when she glanced at the clock, I asked how many she had time to see. She said to choose 2, a lower body and an upper body. Was she for real? Was my dream coming true? I had actually thought, hoped, on the way over, that she would only have time to see a few tracks. Never did I imagine only 2! SCORE!!!! Actually I said something in my head a bit more explicit but I can't type it here.
I chose squats and biceps. Squats because no way in HELL was I going to choose lunges. I am still sore from Alex's Dangerous lunges on Sunday. And I chose biceps even though I love the tricep track so I wouldn't have to do tricep pushups! I do love the bicep track.
It was so weird because she just sat against the mirror, with her BlackBerry in her hand, getting texts while I was doing my audition. I was doing squats and I swear she just stared at my thighs. I cannot tell you what was going through my mind. Well, actually I can. I was thinking "great, she is looking at my fat legs and now there is no way she'll hire me". I figured I was toast and that was it. It was hard to see on her face what she was thinking. While I was doing squats, there was a woman in the room using a mat and a ball and I could hear her yell over that the music was too loud. Angie told her she was auditioning and she would be done soon and she couldn't turn the music off. The woman actually came over to her to tell her again to turn it off and Angie yelled at her to leave her alone, she was busy and she would be done soon. It was hard to keep it together during that whole exchange, but I did it. Biceps went better, but again, it was very hard to do this for one person, while pretending that I was teaching to a class. It was easier yesterday with the girls.
I do have to say, though, that even though it was somewhat similar to my practice session with Alex, the one on one aspect with one person watching me, it was SO much better with Alex. It really does make a difference when you know that person cares about you and is invested in helping you. Angie didn't know me from Adam and it was very impersonal. So I may complain about Alex being hard on me, or not doing the routine with me, but again, I am struck by how much he knows about coaching and teaching and that he really did do what he needed to do, what he knew I needed. I had to admit to him today that I am learning to just trust him, that he indeed knows best and I just need to listen to him :-)
When I was finished, I packed up and met her at her desk for a chat. We talked for awhile, she said she is not looking for an instructor who says they can only work one day, one time at one club. She would like someone who can go from San Mateo to possibly Mountain View, 5 clubs with lots of opportunities to sub and take a class. We talked about BodyCombat and BodyFlow, and she said she doesn't know when they will make it to her clubs but they are in San Ramon. So it's hopeful that eventually they will come here. She said a common complaint about the current BP instructors, and the classes is that they are too boring, not exciting or engaging enough. She thought that I would be good at it, and the fitness magic and all would come in time. I mentioned to her that I applied a couple of months ago and she looked me up and found me in the system. At this point I am thinking, "so do I have the job or what?" because it wasn't clear. She finally looked at me and said "We would be happy to have you on board" and then we talked about the launch. She is doing it on Jan 8 and 9, both Saturday and Sunday. She also mentioned that she has trouble keeping instructors on Sundays because no one wants to get up that early. After taking several classes from Amy at 7:40 am I actually like the early morning classes so that I get it out of the way.
Angie then explained that I needed to come back tomorrow, fill out the new hire paperwork with Chris, the manager, and then the paperwork would take about a week, maybe a bit longer with the holiday. Once I got my employee number, I would meet with her again and we would talk about time slots but I would definitely be a part of the launch. OMG. I don't even know what that entails.
I set up my appointment for tomorrow, then left and I swear I had imagined bursting into tears, but instead I had this stupid grin, literally showing my teeth, for about an hour afterward. I got in the car, called Franklin and told him, then drove to Starbucks for my reward, called Alex, posted on FB, etc.
I arrived home and the guys were going to watch a movie and Franklin made me sit down and relax. I had so much energy that he literally had to pull me down. We watched a comedy but my mind was on the news and several times I just started crying. He asked me what was wrong but once he looked at my face, he knew I was having my typical freak out moment (god I have so many of these now, way more than I ever did!). I just kept thinking "Why in the world would she hire me? I didn't blow it out of the water. I did okay, but not phenomenal. She kept looking at my fat legs, why would she hire me?" and on and on. Both Alex and Christelle pointed out that Angie was looking at my legs cause that's what you do in an audition but Christelle specifically said she was looking at my range and seeing that I was doing the move correctly. That's when it hit me that she was not staring at my thighs :-)))) Franklin just held my hand, told me how proud he was of me, and told me it would be okay. Good thing he knows me well enough to just let me freak out.
Later we were talking about what we needed to pick up for presents, since we are not doing a lot this year. I told him I DID NOT want him to get ME anything. Usually I say this and he still goes out late on Christmas Eve to Best Buy or something to buy me things to put under the tree. I do not need that this year. When he asked me why I didn't want anything, I burst into tears. Again. He looked puzzled (didn't he know why?) and I just said, simply, "I have everything I want!"
It's true. I have my health. I have my teaching job. I have my beautiful family. I have wonderful friends that support me. I have a roof over my head and a car to drive. And I have my new, exciting fitness classes to look forward to. I don't need anything. I have my life that is getting better and better and what could possibly top that, wrapped under our little mini tree? Nothing. I'm good. Oh, I need a smaller wedding ring but that can wait.
I was and still am in a bit of a state of shock. When I think of where I was just 3 months ago. 6 months ago. Today. Wow.
A benefit of becoming more fit, becoming stronger is I have all this pent up energy. I ended up this evening making the entire family, even the sick one, help clean. This place has been neglected, yes by me, and I needed to do some serious cleaning. I cleaned for 3 straight hours, including an hour in the bathtub scrubbing, and I didn't get tired. Oh joy. Great benefit of being more fit.
Tomorrow I have a hair appointment in the morning, 24Hr Fitness at 11:30 to sign my paperwork, pick up the ham, go to Costco, and I have done NO Christmas shopping. It seems the world stopped as I prepared for this moment. Now I can relax for a couple of days but then I need to set up times to go work with Alex and Kimi and keep practicing.
I am THIS close to being a Les Mills Body Pump instructor. After I sign the papers tomorrow, maybe then it will really hit me. Watch out. Tears coming.
Yesterday was overall not very productive in terms of practicing as I went to the Exploratorium with Amanda, Vince and the girls. Had a great time but weighing on my mind was the fact that I needed to run through all the tracks. We got back to RWC in time to grab a quick bite at In N Out before heading off to the gym to do an actual class run through using Amanda as my guinea pig. The gym manager let me use the sound system so I could put on the CD, use the equipment and pretend to be an instructor. Ran into Jessica there and pulled her into the "class", and I cannot explain the thrill as I began......I got giddy! Did the class but had to stop 10 minutes early because the next instructor came in and participants started to arrive, but kept pretty much on time. Not bad for a first run through. Finished with the girls out in the gym. It's amazing how much it lowered my anxiety about today. They were so funny, I even got an "I hate you" from Jess. I've given that comment out many times! It was amazing how strong I felt, being able to complete the class when the girls had a hard time finishing certain tracks.
After we were finished, I got great feedback from them. I made several errors in choreography, and they both said that they never would have known it if my face hadn't given it away. That's has always been a problem of mine, even though I used to act in high school and could cry on command. I guess I need to brush up on my acting skills and learn how to just keep going if I make a mistake. Alex says it's a show - I need to learn how to perform, and it's not about the mistakes I make but how I recover from them. I also started out talking too fast - another constant problem of mine, even when teaching in my classroom. My constant motor mouth. Once I got more comfortable and confident, they said I got better. I kept it moving, didn't dilly dally, forgot to mention some of the options, but I felt such a rush when it was over! I am so excited to continue to do this and get better and better at it.
Went to dinner at Benihana with mom, Amanda and her family, and mine. Had a great time, but didn't get home until after 10:30 and didn't get much practice in. Sigh. Then Cassie, who had a runny nose for a day, had a really bad night. Coughing, congested, crying and throwing fits all night in her sleep. Needless to say, the good night's sleep I needed, I did not get.
Woke up around 9am and dealt with a cranky, sick child, which of course, didn't leave any time to practice! By 11:00 am, the nervousness started in. By noon, I felt sick but got ready and left the house around 12:30. When I arrived at the gym, Angie was still teaching spin so I hung out, stretched, tried to calm myself down. When I finally met her, I asked her if I should set up and she said she would meet me in the Group X room. I started to set up and when she asked if she had given me a track list and I said no, she told me to choose anything I wanted to do! I asked what she wanted to see, and when she glanced at the clock, I asked how many she had time to see. She said to choose 2, a lower body and an upper body. Was she for real? Was my dream coming true? I had actually thought, hoped, on the way over, that she would only have time to see a few tracks. Never did I imagine only 2! SCORE!!!! Actually I said something in my head a bit more explicit but I can't type it here.
I chose squats and biceps. Squats because no way in HELL was I going to choose lunges. I am still sore from Alex's Dangerous lunges on Sunday. And I chose biceps even though I love the tricep track so I wouldn't have to do tricep pushups! I do love the bicep track.
It was so weird because she just sat against the mirror, with her BlackBerry in her hand, getting texts while I was doing my audition. I was doing squats and I swear she just stared at my thighs. I cannot tell you what was going through my mind. Well, actually I can. I was thinking "great, she is looking at my fat legs and now there is no way she'll hire me". I figured I was toast and that was it. It was hard to see on her face what she was thinking. While I was doing squats, there was a woman in the room using a mat and a ball and I could hear her yell over that the music was too loud. Angie told her she was auditioning and she would be done soon and she couldn't turn the music off. The woman actually came over to her to tell her again to turn it off and Angie yelled at her to leave her alone, she was busy and she would be done soon. It was hard to keep it together during that whole exchange, but I did it. Biceps went better, but again, it was very hard to do this for one person, while pretending that I was teaching to a class. It was easier yesterday with the girls.
I do have to say, though, that even though it was somewhat similar to my practice session with Alex, the one on one aspect with one person watching me, it was SO much better with Alex. It really does make a difference when you know that person cares about you and is invested in helping you. Angie didn't know me from Adam and it was very impersonal. So I may complain about Alex being hard on me, or not doing the routine with me, but again, I am struck by how much he knows about coaching and teaching and that he really did do what he needed to do, what he knew I needed. I had to admit to him today that I am learning to just trust him, that he indeed knows best and I just need to listen to him :-)
When I was finished, I packed up and met her at her desk for a chat. We talked for awhile, she said she is not looking for an instructor who says they can only work one day, one time at one club. She would like someone who can go from San Mateo to possibly Mountain View, 5 clubs with lots of opportunities to sub and take a class. We talked about BodyCombat and BodyFlow, and she said she doesn't know when they will make it to her clubs but they are in San Ramon. So it's hopeful that eventually they will come here. She said a common complaint about the current BP instructors, and the classes is that they are too boring, not exciting or engaging enough. She thought that I would be good at it, and the fitness magic and all would come in time. I mentioned to her that I applied a couple of months ago and she looked me up and found me in the system. At this point I am thinking, "so do I have the job or what?" because it wasn't clear. She finally looked at me and said "We would be happy to have you on board" and then we talked about the launch. She is doing it on Jan 8 and 9, both Saturday and Sunday. She also mentioned that she has trouble keeping instructors on Sundays because no one wants to get up that early. After taking several classes from Amy at 7:40 am I actually like the early morning classes so that I get it out of the way.
Angie then explained that I needed to come back tomorrow, fill out the new hire paperwork with Chris, the manager, and then the paperwork would take about a week, maybe a bit longer with the holiday. Once I got my employee number, I would meet with her again and we would talk about time slots but I would definitely be a part of the launch. OMG. I don't even know what that entails.
I set up my appointment for tomorrow, then left and I swear I had imagined bursting into tears, but instead I had this stupid grin, literally showing my teeth, for about an hour afterward. I got in the car, called Franklin and told him, then drove to Starbucks for my reward, called Alex, posted on FB, etc.
I arrived home and the guys were going to watch a movie and Franklin made me sit down and relax. I had so much energy that he literally had to pull me down. We watched a comedy but my mind was on the news and several times I just started crying. He asked me what was wrong but once he looked at my face, he knew I was having my typical freak out moment (god I have so many of these now, way more than I ever did!). I just kept thinking "Why in the world would she hire me? I didn't blow it out of the water. I did okay, but not phenomenal. She kept looking at my fat legs, why would she hire me?" and on and on. Both Alex and Christelle pointed out that Angie was looking at my legs cause that's what you do in an audition but Christelle specifically said she was looking at my range and seeing that I was doing the move correctly. That's when it hit me that she was not staring at my thighs :-)))) Franklin just held my hand, told me how proud he was of me, and told me it would be okay. Good thing he knows me well enough to just let me freak out.
Later we were talking about what we needed to pick up for presents, since we are not doing a lot this year. I told him I DID NOT want him to get ME anything. Usually I say this and he still goes out late on Christmas Eve to Best Buy or something to buy me things to put under the tree. I do not need that this year. When he asked me why I didn't want anything, I burst into tears. Again. He looked puzzled (didn't he know why?) and I just said, simply, "I have everything I want!"
It's true. I have my health. I have my teaching job. I have my beautiful family. I have wonderful friends that support me. I have a roof over my head and a car to drive. And I have my new, exciting fitness classes to look forward to. I don't need anything. I have my life that is getting better and better and what could possibly top that, wrapped under our little mini tree? Nothing. I'm good. Oh, I need a smaller wedding ring but that can wait.
I was and still am in a bit of a state of shock. When I think of where I was just 3 months ago. 6 months ago. Today. Wow.
A benefit of becoming more fit, becoming stronger is I have all this pent up energy. I ended up this evening making the entire family, even the sick one, help clean. This place has been neglected, yes by me, and I needed to do some serious cleaning. I cleaned for 3 straight hours, including an hour in the bathtub scrubbing, and I didn't get tired. Oh joy. Great benefit of being more fit.
Tomorrow I have a hair appointment in the morning, 24Hr Fitness at 11:30 to sign my paperwork, pick up the ham, go to Costco, and I have done NO Christmas shopping. It seems the world stopped as I prepared for this moment. Now I can relax for a couple of days but then I need to set up times to go work with Alex and Kimi and keep practicing.
I am THIS close to being a Les Mills Body Pump instructor. After I sign the papers tomorrow, maybe then it will really hit me. Watch out. Tears coming.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Out of My Comfort Zone
Today was such a great day. I slept in for the first time in weeks on a Sunday, skipped Amy's early morning BP class since I was going to spend time in SF practicing with Alex and taking his class. Practiced and scripted cues in the morning, spent time with the family, then during a surprisingly dry drive, went to SF to meet Alex at Golds.
Talk about being nervous. I know I didn't need to be, it's not like I was up on a stage or something. But it is an odd sensation to be looked at so closely by someone you have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for, and I was really embarrassed at first. It got easier, but I was fully expecting (I don't know WHY) that Alex would be in workout clothes, holding a bar and doing it with me. Uh, NO. He showed up in jeans and proceeded to stand there and direct, critique, push, cajole, tease, push, and laugh at me! All in good fun, of course. It was just so unnerving being watched that closely, but it was SO great to have honest, immediate feedback. I was not uneasy about my form and technique, it was the cueing and coaching that I had such a hard time getting to come out of my mouth! It felt strange to be cueing to someone who knows exactly what to do. I suppose it would be easier cueing to a roomful of people rather to one person staring at you......which means how am I going to handle this audition if it is just me, pretending to teach a class, to one woman watching and critiquing me? I would imagine a bit easier, since I don't know her, she doesn't know me, I can be nervous and act like I am not, where with Alex, I am not that good of an actress.
We spent so much time - or rather, he spent so much time having me go over and over things that we only got through 5 out of 10 tracks and so while I feel better than before, I am still nervous about the rest of the tracks. I wish we had more time before my audition to practice but I have to be a big girl and suck it up and get to it and get it done. I need to work tomorrow on tracks 8-9-10 and really nailing track 1 (in between taking Cassie and Jasmine to the movies to see Yogi Bear - too bad I can't get out of THAT one) going to the dentist, doing the whole class to my niece (she is very agreeable to being my guinea pig) and taking mom to the doctor in the evening.......and I haven't even thought about Christmas. Sigh.
After we practiced it was time for Alex to teach his BP class. I remember my very first class with him, and how confused and intimated I felt, and compared it to tonight - how sure, how strong, how fit I felt - and I felt great. Being part of the group, knowing the ins and outs so to speak, knowing that I was not just a participant any longer, being able to be a part of the class, yet know the WHYS and the HOWS of what he was doing as an instructor, it just felt so AWESOME. I truly enjoy taking the class as a participant, but I can't wait to lead the class.
Goodness. It's 1:30 am, I can hardly keep my eyes open and I have an early dentist appointment. I suppose if I forgot anything, there is always tomorrow.
Talk about being nervous. I know I didn't need to be, it's not like I was up on a stage or something. But it is an odd sensation to be looked at so closely by someone you have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for, and I was really embarrassed at first. It got easier, but I was fully expecting (I don't know WHY) that Alex would be in workout clothes, holding a bar and doing it with me. Uh, NO. He showed up in jeans and proceeded to stand there and direct, critique, push, cajole, tease, push, and laugh at me! All in good fun, of course. It was just so unnerving being watched that closely, but it was SO great to have honest, immediate feedback. I was not uneasy about my form and technique, it was the cueing and coaching that I had such a hard time getting to come out of my mouth! It felt strange to be cueing to someone who knows exactly what to do. I suppose it would be easier cueing to a roomful of people rather to one person staring at you......which means how am I going to handle this audition if it is just me, pretending to teach a class, to one woman watching and critiquing me? I would imagine a bit easier, since I don't know her, she doesn't know me, I can be nervous and act like I am not, where with Alex, I am not that good of an actress.
We spent so much time - or rather, he spent so much time having me go over and over things that we only got through 5 out of 10 tracks and so while I feel better than before, I am still nervous about the rest of the tracks. I wish we had more time before my audition to practice but I have to be a big girl and suck it up and get to it and get it done. I need to work tomorrow on tracks 8-9-10 and really nailing track 1 (in between taking Cassie and Jasmine to the movies to see Yogi Bear - too bad I can't get out of THAT one) going to the dentist, doing the whole class to my niece (she is very agreeable to being my guinea pig) and taking mom to the doctor in the evening.......and I haven't even thought about Christmas. Sigh.
After we practiced it was time for Alex to teach his BP class. I remember my very first class with him, and how confused and intimated I felt, and compared it to tonight - how sure, how strong, how fit I felt - and I felt great. Being part of the group, knowing the ins and outs so to speak, knowing that I was not just a participant any longer, being able to be a part of the class, yet know the WHYS and the HOWS of what he was doing as an instructor, it just felt so AWESOME. I truly enjoy taking the class as a participant, but I can't wait to lead the class.
Goodness. It's 1:30 am, I can hardly keep my eyes open and I have an early dentist appointment. I suppose if I forgot anything, there is always tomorrow.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Ready or Not, Here I Come!
I heard back yesterday from the Area Group X Manager for 24 hour fitness and well, I have an audition set up for Tuesday or Wednesday. As soon as I read the email from her, I had another freak out moment. My heart started racing, my stomach felt queasy, and I started shaking. THAT'S TOO SOON!!! Jessica was with me at my mom's and of course she is telling me I can do it but do I believe her at that exact moment? No, typical me has the freak out moment.
Got home and let Alex know. We had already planned to get together next week so he could help me practice but this just stepped it up a bit. He told me to stop whining (which I did, after a few hours) and get to learning ALL 10 freaking tracks because I have to be prepared to do all of them for her, and not just count on presenting a few. He gave me a deadline of tonight (a mere 24 hours since yesterday) to get on them. HELLOOO??? This is easy for these guys - not so for me but again, I work best under pressure, as much as I hate to admit it, so off I go.
I slept with the chorey notes under my pillow last night and I swear it helped - I woke up at 6:00 am on a Saturday, the first day of my vacation, laid in bed and turned on the music and had 2 more tracks down. I am now a firm believer in osmosis. It worked during the training module and it worked last night. The chorey just melted into my brain.......hahaha.
My Alex had a tournament game in Concord today but since he sprained his ankle in yesterday's game, he wasn't going to play so Cassie and I stayed home and I practiced. And practiced. And practiced some more. I am actually sore right now, even without using weights. Those tricep dips and pushups are doing me in and I know I will pay for it tomorrow. Did the dips on the coffee table (thanks Pam) and it just cracks me up that Alex saw me doing them and when he went to do some himself, I made him stop, put on track 5, and did them next to him while I coached him. He only could do the dips and pooped out for the rest of the track, hee hee. Mom kicked his butt!!
I am still struggling with a couple of tracks, shoulders and abs, and have to nail the warm up and cool down, but that's my plan this evening in between watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, which Alex is watching with Cassie cuddled up next to him. I just had to stop and blog because I have been thinking alot today. Shocker.
Excited to go see Alex tomorrow in SF and get some practice time in with him. It's going to be strange having him watch me and listen to me cue - I hope I get over the nervousness quickly because I need to perfect this as much as I can in a couple of hours and feel ready for my audition this week. I am SO very thankful he is taking the time to do this with me. I am very fortunate to have a friend like him. And it's so serendipitous that he was my first instructor, and now he is helping me become one. Whether he likes it or not :-)
I went with my friend Sandie for coffee today after I cajoled her into driving me to pick up my mother from a hair appointment since I had no car with the guys gone at soccer. I was telling her that I watched the Secret again today, and I am still amazed at how, since trying to live my life differently, asking for what I want and visualizing myself living the life I want to lead, how things have accelerated so quickly. It really makes a difference to not only ask for what you want, believe that you deserve it, picture yourself as if you already have it, and FEEL like you already have achieved it.
Especially this Les Mills journey. I look back to June, when I found out that the classes were going away and how devastated I felt, how lost, how scared. How people would look at me like I was nuts for being so attached to this "program" and telling me that it wasn't the classes, it was ME that did the hard work. And it's true, I did do the work but no one understood how important the program WAS to me and how it made me feel to lose it. I cried, I sobbed, at the thought of it going away and people thought I was crazy for being so distraught. I remember thinking that I wish I could become an instructor so I would never lose it. I also remember thinking, "no way could I do it but WHAT IF?" It was only because I began to train for the marathon that my focus shifted or who knows if I would have ended up in a gutter because I was so distraught!
Then fast forward to October, after the marathon, joining 24 Hour Fitness to follow Les Mills and Body Pump, and having the thought that "I would love to become an instructor, but I am not ready." I remember going to SF with Beki to take Alex's classes in late October and voicing to her how I wish I could go through the training. Then like lighting, the thoughts kept coming in my head, inundating my thoughts, asking my instructor friends their opinions, forming the possibility of actually doing it. Sending off the email to 24 for sponsorship, applying and getting approved from LM and now, a MERE 7 weeks later, about to have an audition to become an instructor. It boggles my mind, when I take the time to really think about it, how RAPIDLY this all came about. It all stemmed from a thought, a little pinch in my brain, about the possibility of actually doing this. Paying it forward to people who are beginning their journey like I was when I walked into Alex's class in March 2008. How FREAKING EXCITING IS THIS?
Now I have what I wanted. Les Mills in my life. It hasn't gone away. It's here to stay because my passion, the class that started it all for me on this road to becoming fit and healthy, the enormous amount of FUN I am having (yes I am having fun even if I freak out constantly). I don't have to say goodbye to it anymore. I get to remain friends with the people who inspired me. I get to meet more fitness minded people who love this program as much or more than I do. I get to hopefully inspire others. I get to exercise. I get to be "in on it". I am part of a tribe.
God, it was just a few short months ago that I was just a participant. It is so hard, this learning of the choreography and practicing even when your muscles are sore, and listening to the music constantly. I never knew how much went into it. Am I complaining? No, I LOVE IT. Yes, I am stressed. But I think it's a good stress, if there is such a thing.
Oh, and HOW is it that I can listen to these tracks multiple times a day, every day, at home, in the car, sing along, count, move, sing, count, move, and I am still not sick of them? How is that possible? I don't get that one. Maybe this one release will always have a special place in my heart because it's my first. Do you ever get sick of it? Even songs that I wasn't crazy about in the beginning have grown on me and I am not tired of any of them. Hmmmm. Weird. And I just can't wait to teach this release in front of a room full of people!~ Someone should remind me, the night before I actually teach my first class, as I am having my freak out moment, that I wrote this. Cause you all know I will be freaking out. But right now, at this moment, I can't think of anything more exciting than teaching it.
I am just picturing myself getting hired on the spot and being a part of the BP76 launch on January 8. I am imagining myself on the schedule, one or two regular classes a week, like Sunday and Wednesday, or Monday and Wednesday. I am visualizing microphones that work, a packed class, people having a good time, grunting and moaning and whooping. And thanking me when it is all over for a great workout.
Christmas? Shopping? Who has time now? I gotta nail this! I guess on Wednesday night, after this audition is over, I will then finally begin to focus on whatever shopping I have to do. I am finding it hard to get motivated to buy presents for kids who don't need anything, when I am so thankful for my husband, my children, my family and friends, my health and my body, to have love and joy and be surrounded by awesome people......just can't see the importance of buying presents just because it's what we "do". My gift has already been given to me. The gift of health and of life and love. By so many. You all know who you are. From my blood family, to my extended family, and my childhood friends to my new friends, I love you all. **Sniff sniff.**
I posted this quote today. "Whether you think you can or you can't; either way, you are right" ` Henry Ford.
I was corrected today by Jozi when I said I think I can - I KNOW I CAN!!!!
Here I come!!!!
Got home and let Alex know. We had already planned to get together next week so he could help me practice but this just stepped it up a bit. He told me to stop whining (which I did, after a few hours) and get to learning ALL 10 freaking tracks because I have to be prepared to do all of them for her, and not just count on presenting a few. He gave me a deadline of tonight (a mere 24 hours since yesterday) to get on them. HELLOOO??? This is easy for these guys - not so for me but again, I work best under pressure, as much as I hate to admit it, so off I go.
I slept with the chorey notes under my pillow last night and I swear it helped - I woke up at 6:00 am on a Saturday, the first day of my vacation, laid in bed and turned on the music and had 2 more tracks down. I am now a firm believer in osmosis. It worked during the training module and it worked last night. The chorey just melted into my brain.......hahaha.
My Alex had a tournament game in Concord today but since he sprained his ankle in yesterday's game, he wasn't going to play so Cassie and I stayed home and I practiced. And practiced. And practiced some more. I am actually sore right now, even without using weights. Those tricep dips and pushups are doing me in and I know I will pay for it tomorrow. Did the dips on the coffee table (thanks Pam) and it just cracks me up that Alex saw me doing them and when he went to do some himself, I made him stop, put on track 5, and did them next to him while I coached him. He only could do the dips and pooped out for the rest of the track, hee hee. Mom kicked his butt!!
I am still struggling with a couple of tracks, shoulders and abs, and have to nail the warm up and cool down, but that's my plan this evening in between watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, which Alex is watching with Cassie cuddled up next to him. I just had to stop and blog because I have been thinking alot today. Shocker.
Excited to go see Alex tomorrow in SF and get some practice time in with him. It's going to be strange having him watch me and listen to me cue - I hope I get over the nervousness quickly because I need to perfect this as much as I can in a couple of hours and feel ready for my audition this week. I am SO very thankful he is taking the time to do this with me. I am very fortunate to have a friend like him. And it's so serendipitous that he was my first instructor, and now he is helping me become one. Whether he likes it or not :-)
I went with my friend Sandie for coffee today after I cajoled her into driving me to pick up my mother from a hair appointment since I had no car with the guys gone at soccer. I was telling her that I watched the Secret again today, and I am still amazed at how, since trying to live my life differently, asking for what I want and visualizing myself living the life I want to lead, how things have accelerated so quickly. It really makes a difference to not only ask for what you want, believe that you deserve it, picture yourself as if you already have it, and FEEL like you already have achieved it.
Especially this Les Mills journey. I look back to June, when I found out that the classes were going away and how devastated I felt, how lost, how scared. How people would look at me like I was nuts for being so attached to this "program" and telling me that it wasn't the classes, it was ME that did the hard work. And it's true, I did do the work but no one understood how important the program WAS to me and how it made me feel to lose it. I cried, I sobbed, at the thought of it going away and people thought I was crazy for being so distraught. I remember thinking that I wish I could become an instructor so I would never lose it. I also remember thinking, "no way could I do it but WHAT IF?" It was only because I began to train for the marathon that my focus shifted or who knows if I would have ended up in a gutter because I was so distraught!
Then fast forward to October, after the marathon, joining 24 Hour Fitness to follow Les Mills and Body Pump, and having the thought that "I would love to become an instructor, but I am not ready." I remember going to SF with Beki to take Alex's classes in late October and voicing to her how I wish I could go through the training. Then like lighting, the thoughts kept coming in my head, inundating my thoughts, asking my instructor friends their opinions, forming the possibility of actually doing it. Sending off the email to 24 for sponsorship, applying and getting approved from LM and now, a MERE 7 weeks later, about to have an audition to become an instructor. It boggles my mind, when I take the time to really think about it, how RAPIDLY this all came about. It all stemmed from a thought, a little pinch in my brain, about the possibility of actually doing this. Paying it forward to people who are beginning their journey like I was when I walked into Alex's class in March 2008. How FREAKING EXCITING IS THIS?
Now I have what I wanted. Les Mills in my life. It hasn't gone away. It's here to stay because my passion, the class that started it all for me on this road to becoming fit and healthy, the enormous amount of FUN I am having (yes I am having fun even if I freak out constantly). I don't have to say goodbye to it anymore. I get to remain friends with the people who inspired me. I get to meet more fitness minded people who love this program as much or more than I do. I get to hopefully inspire others. I get to exercise. I get to be "in on it". I am part of a tribe.
God, it was just a few short months ago that I was just a participant. It is so hard, this learning of the choreography and practicing even when your muscles are sore, and listening to the music constantly. I never knew how much went into it. Am I complaining? No, I LOVE IT. Yes, I am stressed. But I think it's a good stress, if there is such a thing.
Oh, and HOW is it that I can listen to these tracks multiple times a day, every day, at home, in the car, sing along, count, move, sing, count, move, and I am still not sick of them? How is that possible? I don't get that one. Maybe this one release will always have a special place in my heart because it's my first. Do you ever get sick of it? Even songs that I wasn't crazy about in the beginning have grown on me and I am not tired of any of them. Hmmmm. Weird. And I just can't wait to teach this release in front of a room full of people!~ Someone should remind me, the night before I actually teach my first class, as I am having my freak out moment, that I wrote this. Cause you all know I will be freaking out. But right now, at this moment, I can't think of anything more exciting than teaching it.
I am just picturing myself getting hired on the spot and being a part of the BP76 launch on January 8. I am imagining myself on the schedule, one or two regular classes a week, like Sunday and Wednesday, or Monday and Wednesday. I am visualizing microphones that work, a packed class, people having a good time, grunting and moaning and whooping. And thanking me when it is all over for a great workout.
Christmas? Shopping? Who has time now? I gotta nail this! I guess on Wednesday night, after this audition is over, I will then finally begin to focus on whatever shopping I have to do. I am finding it hard to get motivated to buy presents for kids who don't need anything, when I am so thankful for my husband, my children, my family and friends, my health and my body, to have love and joy and be surrounded by awesome people......just can't see the importance of buying presents just because it's what we "do". My gift has already been given to me. The gift of health and of life and love. By so many. You all know who you are. From my blood family, to my extended family, and my childhood friends to my new friends, I love you all. **Sniff sniff.**
I posted this quote today. "Whether you think you can or you can't; either way, you are right" ` Henry Ford.
I was corrected today by Jozi when I said I think I can - I KNOW I CAN!!!!
Here I come!!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Officially a Les Mills Snob
Well, it's happened. I am officially a snob. A Les Mills snob, that is. I went to class tonight, first Turbo Kick Boxing, then Body Pump. I barely broke a sweat in TKB. It just is NOT Body Combat. I went through the entire class knowing I was only there to get some cardio in, but it wasn't really worth it. I need to find something else to do for cardio but I love classes. Getting on a treadmill or elliptical just doesn't work for me either. I want to be running but with it getting dark early, I am not willing to run alone in the dark. So I need to think about this.
On the bright side, I am increasing my weights overall for each track and am noticing a difference. Today for squats I lifted 66 pounds!!! My heaviest ever. At least that's what I think I did since the weights are not in pounds. I did 2 large and 1 medium on each side. I almost thought I would not be able to get it back off my neck when I was done but I was able to squat with it. Yippee!!
I was told not to post this on FB so I am putting it here.......tonight we are watching the finale of the Biggest Loser and as the women were weighing in and not bringing huge numbers or looking real fit, Alexander says to me "Mom, you make those women look BAD!" That brought me to tears and I had to get up and hug him, which of course he complained about. I love my son!
Thanks to PH, IT, RVB, SG and AK for your responses to my blog last night. I haven't had time to email you all back but your support means the world to me and really did make me feel better about the whole situation. Love you all!
On the bright side, I am increasing my weights overall for each track and am noticing a difference. Today for squats I lifted 66 pounds!!! My heaviest ever. At least that's what I think I did since the weights are not in pounds. I did 2 large and 1 medium on each side. I almost thought I would not be able to get it back off my neck when I was done but I was able to squat with it. Yippee!!
I was told not to post this on FB so I am putting it here.......tonight we are watching the finale of the Biggest Loser and as the women were weighing in and not bringing huge numbers or looking real fit, Alexander says to me "Mom, you make those women look BAD!" That brought me to tears and I had to get up and hug him, which of course he complained about. I love my son!
Thanks to PH, IT, RVB, SG and AK for your responses to my blog last night. I haven't had time to email you all back but your support means the world to me and really did make me feel better about the whole situation. Love you all!
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Green Eyed Monster
Jealousy is such a wasted emotion. I have lived with it, been in it, surrounded by it, my entire life in some form or another. Whether I was the jealous one, or the recipient of jealous emotions, it has been a part of my life even as a child. My mother was jealous of my dad's band when he was playing and made him stop. I was jealous of the girls that liked Franklin in high school. And on it goes.
I never imagined, as I began this journey to losing weight and getting healthy, that jealousy would play into it. I mean, there is always some insecurity that comes into a relationship when one loses weight and gets fit, I guess. But I am talking about jealousy and envy from unlikely places - friends. There have been the snide comments, the sideways glances, the comments muttered under the breath. I would like to think that people are genuinely happy for the work I have put in to changing my life and my health. I think most people are. But there are some that no matter how happy they may say they are, the snide comments continue to get me and confuse me.
I know I don't walk around and strut and show off. I am not that kind of person. I am also not physically yet at the place that I want to ultimately be. I am having fun with my journey, and I am proud of how far I have come and that may come off as confident, but certainly I don't feel cocky. On the contrary, I am still quite embarrassed at times about it all.
We had dinner with a couple of couples recently and one wife continues to make comments about certain things that I won't go into, but needless to say, it feels so uncomfortable to be around her because I keep hearing comments about how I must spend so much time at the gym and Franklin spends so much time at the soccer field that we are headed for disaster. ???!!!! HUH? He is very supportive of me, and is always telling me how proud of me he is for how hard I have worked. I could not have done this without his love and support and to say to my face that something is going on because we are both so busy or that we should divorce because we don't spend so much time together really pisses me off.
No one knows what goes on in our lives (well, okay, since I FB all the time and blog, people really DO know what goes on in our lives but that's besides the point). The reality is that the reality of losing weight is not well portrayed on popular shows like the Biggest Loser, etc. because while they show the hard work and some of what it is like when they return home, it is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. There are harsh realities people deal with, like the envy and jealousy of others. And the funny thing is, other people think that oh, you look great and you lost all this weight so your life is perfect but it's NOT. Yes, I feel great and think I look good, but there are negative consequences as well and it's NOT FAIR. It should be known that it is still a constant struggle, it's not easy to maintain and maybe I push my excitement about fitness off a little too much and that is something I have to learn how to curb but I AM excited about becoming a member of the fitness community and why SHOULD I have to be quiet?
Oh I am too tired right now to continue and it's stressed me out most of the day because I just am puzzled at the whole thing. Maybe another night to sleep on it will make it begin to make sense in my mind. Any comments or emails to me on the subject are appreciated cause I just don't get it. People, I like to believe, are genuinely good hearted. Why are all the green eyed ones coming at me??!!
I never imagined, as I began this journey to losing weight and getting healthy, that jealousy would play into it. I mean, there is always some insecurity that comes into a relationship when one loses weight and gets fit, I guess. But I am talking about jealousy and envy from unlikely places - friends. There have been the snide comments, the sideways glances, the comments muttered under the breath. I would like to think that people are genuinely happy for the work I have put in to changing my life and my health. I think most people are. But there are some that no matter how happy they may say they are, the snide comments continue to get me and confuse me.
I know I don't walk around and strut and show off. I am not that kind of person. I am also not physically yet at the place that I want to ultimately be. I am having fun with my journey, and I am proud of how far I have come and that may come off as confident, but certainly I don't feel cocky. On the contrary, I am still quite embarrassed at times about it all.
We had dinner with a couple of couples recently and one wife continues to make comments about certain things that I won't go into, but needless to say, it feels so uncomfortable to be around her because I keep hearing comments about how I must spend so much time at the gym and Franklin spends so much time at the soccer field that we are headed for disaster. ???!!!! HUH? He is very supportive of me, and is always telling me how proud of me he is for how hard I have worked. I could not have done this without his love and support and to say to my face that something is going on because we are both so busy or that we should divorce because we don't spend so much time together really pisses me off.
No one knows what goes on in our lives (well, okay, since I FB all the time and blog, people really DO know what goes on in our lives but that's besides the point). The reality is that the reality of losing weight is not well portrayed on popular shows like the Biggest Loser, etc. because while they show the hard work and some of what it is like when they return home, it is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. There are harsh realities people deal with, like the envy and jealousy of others. And the funny thing is, other people think that oh, you look great and you lost all this weight so your life is perfect but it's NOT. Yes, I feel great and think I look good, but there are negative consequences as well and it's NOT FAIR. It should be known that it is still a constant struggle, it's not easy to maintain and maybe I push my excitement about fitness off a little too much and that is something I have to learn how to curb but I AM excited about becoming a member of the fitness community and why SHOULD I have to be quiet?
Oh I am too tired right now to continue and it's stressed me out most of the day because I just am puzzled at the whole thing. Maybe another night to sleep on it will make it begin to make sense in my mind. Any comments or emails to me on the subject are appreciated cause I just don't get it. People, I like to believe, are genuinely good hearted. Why are all the green eyed ones coming at me??!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
A milestone
December 9, 1994. My baby is 16 years old today. I know it's a part of life, but it seems like just yesterday - okay, that's a lie - but it feels like not so long ago that I was freaking out about my life changing. I had been with Franklin since I was 15, and here I was, 26 and this BABY, whatever it was going to be, was going to change all that I knew, all that I had built. How dare it? No matter that it was planned, how dare it come in and change what was already so good? I know I freak out way more often than most people I know. Must be the emotional Pisces curse. And I clearly remember a particular freak out moment. Franklin was making a cassette tape (hahaha) for me to listen to on our monster sized boombox during labor and I just started bawling......because nothing would ever be the same. I was so afraid of change back then, I mean I still freak out with change but I like to think I handle it a little bit better now! The scary thing was, at that moment, is I knew that I was POWERLESS to stop it. So many of the changes and growth I have experienced over the last 2 years, I could have stopped, I could have made the decision to take a different path. But this baby? What the hell was I thinking? And it was too late to stop it. I was doomed.
Well, not really. But it sure felt like it. I am happy to say that once that kid was cut out of my belly and his little fat face put up to mine, with his big nostrils flaring at me, as drugged up as I was, I was in love and I have never regretted one moment. Even through all the postpartum pain, the worry, the anxiety, the brother/sister type relationship we seem to have because we argue all the time, the frustration at his lack of common sense sometimes, I have never regretted having him.
I never freaked out about Cassie. Even with 11 years between them, I knew what to expect and at least my only worry was how would Alexander handle not being the only kid in town. No matter that he was the one begging us for years to give him a sibling. Then to try for 6 years and not be able to do it because of my thyroid issue, once I got pregnant with her, it was all good.
I am lucky. I am blessed. I am tired. So very tired. I am a mom. Yippee!!!!
Well, not really. But it sure felt like it. I am happy to say that once that kid was cut out of my belly and his little fat face put up to mine, with his big nostrils flaring at me, as drugged up as I was, I was in love and I have never regretted one moment. Even through all the postpartum pain, the worry, the anxiety, the brother/sister type relationship we seem to have because we argue all the time, the frustration at his lack of common sense sometimes, I have never regretted having him.
I never freaked out about Cassie. Even with 11 years between them, I knew what to expect and at least my only worry was how would Alexander handle not being the only kid in town. No matter that he was the one begging us for years to give him a sibling. Then to try for 6 years and not be able to do it because of my thyroid issue, once I got pregnant with her, it was all good.
I am lucky. I am blessed. I am tired. So very tired. I am a mom. Yippee!!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Final Day of Body Pump and Reflections
Be forewarned. This is going to be a long one. I'm just saying.
The warm up track to Body Pump 76 features a song called the Climb. Now I have never heard it before but found out it is originally by Miley Cyrus. I am so not a fan of hers but I have to say the FIRST time I heard the song, the lyrics rang so true for me and I actually cried - again, me the emotional one. I can't believe how the lyrics perfectly describe my journey to better health. I have to write them here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Climb
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know this
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it more
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helloooo....my new theme song!!!!
There's more but it just repeats. I tell you, I played that song on the way home yesterday and could hardly see to drive, what with me bawling and the rain. It was a miracle I didn't get in an accident!!
Okay, Day 3. Here goes:
Got up early and my fabulous sister in-law, on a Sunday morning at 6:00 am, was up making me coffee and breakfast. I did some review, had her watch the DVD of my track while I did the movements just to make sure I was on the same tempo (was too early for me to feel like coaching and cueing but it was a huge help to just go through the motions and slow my tempo down a bit - she actually told me I was going to fast up on the 3/1 and that was one of the areas to improve on my first critique!!) She made me a to go cup of coffee with a good luck message written on it and I was off. Got to the gym by 7:45am.
Everyone was dragging, sore and because of the CIM (marathon) in the area, one of the guys, Jonathan was more than 30 minutes late. Darcy thought it started at noon so she came almost an hour late. A bit more stressful for some to start out the day.
Our first presentation went well. I again was the only one teaching the back track so I moved in the middle of the room. I found that NO ONE else did this and with the volume of the music, it was too hard to hear them if you were on the other side of the room. Figured if I am gonna do this, I want everyone to hear me! Nailed the choreography with this one, added in more follow up cues and even some fitness magic and coaching.....all tips I got from my own fabulous instructors over the last couple of years. I did mess up a count or two midway but Margo was looking down and missed it, thank goodness.
Critique time showed that I was rising too fast on the 3/1 (just like Theresa told me in the morning!) and Margo told me to use heavier weights in order to perfect the form for the clean and press move. I was so sore that I went down just a bit but it was enough to affect the move.
We did more technique work, going through each song almost in its entirety but with Margo coaching and focusing on performing the moves perfectly. We did some team work, partner work, voice work, music critique, fitness magic, and then with just a short break, got ready to do final presentations and have a talk with the Regional manager for 24 hour Fitness.
My second presentation, I nailed the technique part but TOTALLY blew more than a few seconds of choreography right in the middle. I was so focused on the moves, the coaching that I completely BLANKED and thought I was gonna lose it. But I got back on track and finished strong.
Lisa from 24 came and told us about next steps. Since I am not an instructor, it will be different for me because I have to first audition with the Group X manager, to be hired and get to even teach anything. The launch for the new release is Jan 8 and I want to be a part of it. So I have to learn the other 8 tracks, somehow practice on my own or with someone but I can't practice on a class. Then I have 3 months, till March 5 to submit a perfect video of me teaching a full class. Cripes. The PRESSURE.
Then we finished 2 hours early (yay) and Margo talked one on one with each of us to give us our outcomes. Christelle (who also is not an instructor) walked by me and said she passed 5 out of 5 compulsories, which you need for a full pass. If you got 3-4 out of 5, you got a pass with held with means you have to show your manager you have mastered it, get it signed off and then Les Mills issues you a pass.
When I went to talk to Margo I was so nervous because I figured she would have nailed me for that screw up in the second presentation. She smiled and told me I got all 5 of the compulsories - Choreography, all three in Technique and Coaching. I was floored! She encouraged me to continue to increase my weights because it made a difference in technique and she told me I was a "strong cookie"!! I laughed at that one. She also encouraged me to do that insane instructor challenge with other instructors once a month to keep building strength and endurance.
I went back and shared with the small group of us that were waiting our turn. Then a strange thing happened: all 6 of them, 5 instructors, came back with puzzled looks on their faces, saying they got pass with helds - only 4 out of 5. I felt very uncomfortable being a non-instructor that passed in a group of experienced ones that did not. One even said to me "No offense but how did YOU pass when you 're not even an instructor and I didn't and I AM?" I stuttered and shrugged but said that I have been doing this program for a long time and had good role models. Sigh. Let's see if they keep in touch :-// So as far as I know, only two of us got the full pass out of 11 and neither of us are instructors, just Body Pump fanatics. The rest left and didn't share their results so who knows.
We took some pictures, then I hung back to chat with Margo and shared with her the reaction of the others to my passing the module. She said that it's not that they are held to higher standards because they are instructors, it's a check list and either you got it or you didn't. I did. I am still in a bit of shock.
I am feeling very fortunate to have had Margo as my Master Trainer for this module. She actually was in New Zealand a year ago for 2 weeks filming the previous release with the main Program Directors and Choreographers, was on that DVD as one of the presenters! Now I need to borrow it from someone to watch because I know her!! She's like a rock star in my eyes now!!
To many people who have never experienced a Les Mills format class, it is impossible to understand the draw, the magic, the intensity and the exhilarating feeling you get once it's over. Today at school my coworkers asked how the training went and I was stumped at how to respond. Janet really got it, because she reads my blog and understands my wacko brain. But the other teachers, one just look puzzled as I tried to explain to her WHY I would pay to put myself through that kind of pain, and the other, while interested and impressed, well, the whole experience is just hard to put into words. Just like I felt with the 1/2 marathon, and feeling like I was part of this new club that I had never been invited to before, now I feel a part of the tribe, a connection with my instructor friends in a new, really freaking cool way. I have such an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each and every one of them because it ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE now. It also opens my eyes completely to how little we, as participants really know and understand about these people that stand in front of us on a weekly basis and inspire and instruct us. There is a butt load of work and time and dedication that goes into each class, the preparation is astounding just to learn a couple of tracks! How they teach more than one class format is beyond me.
I feel a part of something way bigger than me. Les Mills classes are in 80 countries world wide. 80 COUNTRIES. Over 70,000 instructors teach these classes. Over 3 million people a week take Body Pump classes worldwide. I feel a connection with my instructors and mentors that wasn't there before, at least it's now different because I understand a little of where they come from.
So what's to freak out about? Of course I will always find something to freak out about or I wouldn't be me. Now I can freak about when will I find time to practice, where, with who, how much, how long, will I get an audition, will I pass it, will I get hired, will I get to just team teach or will I get my own class, will my friends come to my class, will I will I will I..................
One day at a time. Breathe. Sigh.
I PASSED!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!
The warm up track to Body Pump 76 features a song called the Climb. Now I have never heard it before but found out it is originally by Miley Cyrus. I am so not a fan of hers but I have to say the FIRST time I heard the song, the lyrics rang so true for me and I actually cried - again, me the emotional one. I can't believe how the lyrics perfectly describe my journey to better health. I have to write them here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Climb
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know this
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it more
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helloooo....my new theme song!!!!
There's more but it just repeats. I tell you, I played that song on the way home yesterday and could hardly see to drive, what with me bawling and the rain. It was a miracle I didn't get in an accident!!
Okay, Day 3. Here goes:
Got up early and my fabulous sister in-law, on a Sunday morning at 6:00 am, was up making me coffee and breakfast. I did some review, had her watch the DVD of my track while I did the movements just to make sure I was on the same tempo (was too early for me to feel like coaching and cueing but it was a huge help to just go through the motions and slow my tempo down a bit - she actually told me I was going to fast up on the 3/1 and that was one of the areas to improve on my first critique!!) She made me a to go cup of coffee with a good luck message written on it and I was off. Got to the gym by 7:45am.
Everyone was dragging, sore and because of the CIM (marathon) in the area, one of the guys, Jonathan was more than 30 minutes late. Darcy thought it started at noon so she came almost an hour late. A bit more stressful for some to start out the day.
Our first presentation went well. I again was the only one teaching the back track so I moved in the middle of the room. I found that NO ONE else did this and with the volume of the music, it was too hard to hear them if you were on the other side of the room. Figured if I am gonna do this, I want everyone to hear me! Nailed the choreography with this one, added in more follow up cues and even some fitness magic and coaching.....all tips I got from my own fabulous instructors over the last couple of years. I did mess up a count or two midway but Margo was looking down and missed it, thank goodness.
Critique time showed that I was rising too fast on the 3/1 (just like Theresa told me in the morning!) and Margo told me to use heavier weights in order to perfect the form for the clean and press move. I was so sore that I went down just a bit but it was enough to affect the move.
We did more technique work, going through each song almost in its entirety but with Margo coaching and focusing on performing the moves perfectly. We did some team work, partner work, voice work, music critique, fitness magic, and then with just a short break, got ready to do final presentations and have a talk with the Regional manager for 24 hour Fitness.
My second presentation, I nailed the technique part but TOTALLY blew more than a few seconds of choreography right in the middle. I was so focused on the moves, the coaching that I completely BLANKED and thought I was gonna lose it. But I got back on track and finished strong.
Lisa from 24 came and told us about next steps. Since I am not an instructor, it will be different for me because I have to first audition with the Group X manager, to be hired and get to even teach anything. The launch for the new release is Jan 8 and I want to be a part of it. So I have to learn the other 8 tracks, somehow practice on my own or with someone but I can't practice on a class. Then I have 3 months, till March 5 to submit a perfect video of me teaching a full class. Cripes. The PRESSURE.
Then we finished 2 hours early (yay) and Margo talked one on one with each of us to give us our outcomes. Christelle (who also is not an instructor) walked by me and said she passed 5 out of 5 compulsories, which you need for a full pass. If you got 3-4 out of 5, you got a pass with held with means you have to show your manager you have mastered it, get it signed off and then Les Mills issues you a pass.
When I went to talk to Margo I was so nervous because I figured she would have nailed me for that screw up in the second presentation. She smiled and told me I got all 5 of the compulsories - Choreography, all three in Technique and Coaching. I was floored! She encouraged me to continue to increase my weights because it made a difference in technique and she told me I was a "strong cookie"!! I laughed at that one. She also encouraged me to do that insane instructor challenge with other instructors once a month to keep building strength and endurance.
I went back and shared with the small group of us that were waiting our turn. Then a strange thing happened: all 6 of them, 5 instructors, came back with puzzled looks on their faces, saying they got pass with helds - only 4 out of 5. I felt very uncomfortable being a non-instructor that passed in a group of experienced ones that did not. One even said to me "No offense but how did YOU pass when you 're not even an instructor and I didn't and I AM?" I stuttered and shrugged but said that I have been doing this program for a long time and had good role models. Sigh. Let's see if they keep in touch :-// So as far as I know, only two of us got the full pass out of 11 and neither of us are instructors, just Body Pump fanatics. The rest left and didn't share their results so who knows.
We took some pictures, then I hung back to chat with Margo and shared with her the reaction of the others to my passing the module. She said that it's not that they are held to higher standards because they are instructors, it's a check list and either you got it or you didn't. I did. I am still in a bit of shock.
I am feeling very fortunate to have had Margo as my Master Trainer for this module. She actually was in New Zealand a year ago for 2 weeks filming the previous release with the main Program Directors and Choreographers, was on that DVD as one of the presenters! Now I need to borrow it from someone to watch because I know her!! She's like a rock star in my eyes now!!
To many people who have never experienced a Les Mills format class, it is impossible to understand the draw, the magic, the intensity and the exhilarating feeling you get once it's over. Today at school my coworkers asked how the training went and I was stumped at how to respond. Janet really got it, because she reads my blog and understands my wacko brain. But the other teachers, one just look puzzled as I tried to explain to her WHY I would pay to put myself through that kind of pain, and the other, while interested and impressed, well, the whole experience is just hard to put into words. Just like I felt with the 1/2 marathon, and feeling like I was part of this new club that I had never been invited to before, now I feel a part of the tribe, a connection with my instructor friends in a new, really freaking cool way. I have such an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each and every one of them because it ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE now. It also opens my eyes completely to how little we, as participants really know and understand about these people that stand in front of us on a weekly basis and inspire and instruct us. There is a butt load of work and time and dedication that goes into each class, the preparation is astounding just to learn a couple of tracks! How they teach more than one class format is beyond me.
I feel a part of something way bigger than me. Les Mills classes are in 80 countries world wide. 80 COUNTRIES. Over 70,000 instructors teach these classes. Over 3 million people a week take Body Pump classes worldwide. I feel a connection with my instructors and mentors that wasn't there before, at least it's now different because I understand a little of where they come from.
So what's to freak out about? Of course I will always find something to freak out about or I wouldn't be me. Now I can freak about when will I find time to practice, where, with who, how much, how long, will I get an audition, will I pass it, will I get hired, will I get to just team teach or will I get my own class, will my friends come to my class, will I will I will I..................
One day at a time. Breathe. Sigh.
I PASSED!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 2 Body Pump Training
Again, it's 12:35 and I am not asleep. I am fading fast but trying to nail this back track for tomorrow. I am excited because I have always loved the back tracks and with the great coaching I have had over time, I am confident of my positioning and execution so it's just a matter of the learning the choreography (which I actually have down now) but I am struggling over the cues. It shouldn't be that hard since I know the cues, but for some reason I am not feeling as confident.
Today started off with an odd caterpiller warm up. I am not even going to go into it. Needless to say, my team lost and we had to do 10 push ups on the toes. I did it.
Presenting came first - I was a bit nervous but after practicing last night, using Ron, Mathew and Theresa with broomsticks this morning, and doing the moves in the car, I knew the chorey and felt good. We were not using microphones so I knew I would have to project my voice. Since I was the only one presenting the chest track I made the decision to move to the front of the room rather than on the side with my group so that I could reach the whole class. I went heavier on my weight selection and projected - it is definitely helpful when the class is cheering you on and is supportive. I am really enjoying the people I am meeting.
At the end, I knew I nailed the choreography, thought I did a bit more than just initial cueing and felt pretty good about form. Margo then did video feedback and confirmed I hit the chorey 100% and had just two adjustments on my form - on the chest press, I would hit the middle of the chest which is good but on the way back up needed to arc back an inch so my bar was over my shoulders. On the bottom halves, my elbows came down just a bit lower than the bench top.
The hardest part of the day was definitely the Body Pump Instructor Challenge. I paired up with Jennifer, who was amazing and supportive and a great coach, as I hope I was to her. I will not go into detail here; suffice it to say it involved lifting weights heavier than normal and while physically challenging to say the least, I completed it and while we were stretching at the end, I burst into tears. The realization of what I had just accomplished over the last 45 minutes or so, coming from where I began 2 years ago, hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I am so amazed at what I am able to do now, how strong I have become, how passionate I am, how I can push myself (with help of course) farther than I ever dreamed possible, ASTOUNDS me. I went up to Margo afterward, people had left for lunch and she asked me if I hurt myself because I was crying! I explained to her my emotional sappy self, and she was so encouraging and supportive; telling me how powerful it is to be able to come from a place where I can use my journey to inspire and motivate others.
I left and since I had a sandwich with me, knew I needed to go get my comfort drug of choice - Starbucks. Cried the entire way there, wore my sunglasses inside and cried all the way back. What an emotional sap I am!!
After some more training and teaching, we got ready for the second presentation. At this point, my body was stiffening up something fierce, my arms literally were quivering for about an hour after that challenge. Legs were not shaky, just sore. Since I am not as strong in my upper body, I felt it there the most.
Second presentation went well for all of us - each of us took the critique from earlier and made the proper adjustments. What was interesting is that every one of us made at least a small error in the choreography, including me, and I think it was fatigue setting in and the focus on what we needed to correct from before. Margo didn't mention it, though, in the feedback so I guess she understood that we were getting tired.
We finished an hour early and I went back to my brother's house and Theresa was so shocked to see me walk in with energy as I told her about my day. Of course I had to cry and I relayed how emotional I was and so we both cried as she told me how proud of me she was.
Off to a hot bath and shower, listening to my music and choreography, sat and watched the DVD and tried to script out my cues. Because this track has so many different movements, it's harder than the chest track that I did today. But I know the back track well and have the chorey down. I just want to be able to coach correctly.
I am definitely fading fast now and I think I will just get in bed, put my notes under my pillow again (I swear it worked by osmosis last night!) and get up at 6am for a last bit of practice. I didn't get the chance to practice on live people tonight - Theresa has fed me well and had a great dinner tonight, but I needed more time in the bedroom on my own practicing. I think in the morning I will be able to speak my cues out loud and be fresher than I am now. Feeling pretty stale........
Today started off with an odd caterpiller warm up. I am not even going to go into it. Needless to say, my team lost and we had to do 10 push ups on the toes. I did it.
Presenting came first - I was a bit nervous but after practicing last night, using Ron, Mathew and Theresa with broomsticks this morning, and doing the moves in the car, I knew the chorey and felt good. We were not using microphones so I knew I would have to project my voice. Since I was the only one presenting the chest track I made the decision to move to the front of the room rather than on the side with my group so that I could reach the whole class. I went heavier on my weight selection and projected - it is definitely helpful when the class is cheering you on and is supportive. I am really enjoying the people I am meeting.
At the end, I knew I nailed the choreography, thought I did a bit more than just initial cueing and felt pretty good about form. Margo then did video feedback and confirmed I hit the chorey 100% and had just two adjustments on my form - on the chest press, I would hit the middle of the chest which is good but on the way back up needed to arc back an inch so my bar was over my shoulders. On the bottom halves, my elbows came down just a bit lower than the bench top.
The hardest part of the day was definitely the Body Pump Instructor Challenge. I paired up with Jennifer, who was amazing and supportive and a great coach, as I hope I was to her. I will not go into detail here; suffice it to say it involved lifting weights heavier than normal and while physically challenging to say the least, I completed it and while we were stretching at the end, I burst into tears. The realization of what I had just accomplished over the last 45 minutes or so, coming from where I began 2 years ago, hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I am so amazed at what I am able to do now, how strong I have become, how passionate I am, how I can push myself (with help of course) farther than I ever dreamed possible, ASTOUNDS me. I went up to Margo afterward, people had left for lunch and she asked me if I hurt myself because I was crying! I explained to her my emotional sappy self, and she was so encouraging and supportive; telling me how powerful it is to be able to come from a place where I can use my journey to inspire and motivate others.
I left and since I had a sandwich with me, knew I needed to go get my comfort drug of choice - Starbucks. Cried the entire way there, wore my sunglasses inside and cried all the way back. What an emotional sap I am!!
After some more training and teaching, we got ready for the second presentation. At this point, my body was stiffening up something fierce, my arms literally were quivering for about an hour after that challenge. Legs were not shaky, just sore. Since I am not as strong in my upper body, I felt it there the most.
Second presentation went well for all of us - each of us took the critique from earlier and made the proper adjustments. What was interesting is that every one of us made at least a small error in the choreography, including me, and I think it was fatigue setting in and the focus on what we needed to correct from before. Margo didn't mention it, though, in the feedback so I guess she understood that we were getting tired.
We finished an hour early and I went back to my brother's house and Theresa was so shocked to see me walk in with energy as I told her about my day. Of course I had to cry and I relayed how emotional I was and so we both cried as she told me how proud of me she was.
Off to a hot bath and shower, listening to my music and choreography, sat and watched the DVD and tried to script out my cues. Because this track has so many different movements, it's harder than the chest track that I did today. But I know the back track well and have the chorey down. I just want to be able to coach correctly.
I am definitely fading fast now and I think I will just get in bed, put my notes under my pillow again (I swear it worked by osmosis last night!) and get up at 6am for a last bit of practice. I didn't get the chance to practice on live people tonight - Theresa has fed me well and had a great dinner tonight, but I needed more time in the bedroom on my own practicing. I think in the morning I will be able to speak my cues out loud and be fresher than I am now. Feeling pretty stale........
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Day 1 of Body Pump
I should SO be asleep right now. I'm exhausted but can't seem to stop playing the track I have to present tomorrow. My saving grace is I don't have to present till 12:00. I was assigned track 3 which is chest. Not my strongest track but I'm actually thankful I got it as it gives me the opportunity to perfect my form and get stronger. So I believe I have the chorey down 100% which is the number one priority. Margo says if we say nothing else, as long as we have those cues down we are good and this song really lends itself well to this track.
My issue seems to be the other cues - the initial, which I have,but the ongoing ones... It is so amazing to realize how much hard work it is to teach a class. So much to remember! In the morning I will practice out loud the cueing, and if I have to make my brother and sister in law get on the floor to do it with me I will. It's just more embarrassing with family!
Met a bunch of nice people today. Class size is 12 and it feels just right. Doris, who teaches the TKB class at the gym is here so we connected. Her class was actually the only where I mentioned to others that she had good enough form to be an LM instructor and here she is! I've only talked to and partnered up with a few people but expect to do it with more tomorrow.
Even though I brought a ton of snacks I was so hungry by 8:00 tonight because our breaks were all 10-20 minutes and there was not enough tine to leave and get something. I drove Britanny and Eric to look for a Subway but we couldn't find it and freaked out about getting back late because if we walk in even one minute late we have to do 10 push ups! no way.
Okay. Gotta sleep. Music playing all night and chorey notes under my pillow, literally!!!
My issue seems to be the other cues - the initial, which I have,but the ongoing ones... It is so amazing to realize how much hard work it is to teach a class. So much to remember! In the morning I will practice out loud the cueing, and if I have to make my brother and sister in law get on the floor to do it with me I will. It's just more embarrassing with family!
Met a bunch of nice people today. Class size is 12 and it feels just right. Doris, who teaches the TKB class at the gym is here so we connected. Her class was actually the only where I mentioned to others that she had good enough form to be an LM instructor and here she is! I've only talked to and partnered up with a few people but expect to do it with more tomorrow.
Even though I brought a ton of snacks I was so hungry by 8:00 tonight because our breaks were all 10-20 minutes and there was not enough tine to leave and get something. I drove Britanny and Eric to look for a Subway but we couldn't find it and freaked out about getting back late because if we walk in even one minute late we have to do 10 push ups! no way.
Okay. Gotta sleep. Music playing all night and chorey notes under my pillow, literally!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I'm Ready
As I'll ever be. I'm packed - gym bag with extra clothes, snacks and extra shoes. Another bag with more snacks and a small lunchbag cooler ready to throw some perishables in tomorrow. My overnight bag with toiletries and more workout clothes. One, count them, one set of regular clothes since I doubt I'll even wear them. Lunches made, dishwasher going and I'm beat. With the amount of crap by the front door you'd think I was going away for awhile. Always been an overpacker. Oh, got the laptop also.
The plan is to drop Cassie at mom's in the morning so she can be taken to school and then a stop at some random coffee shop (hahaha) and hit the road by 8:00am. Check in is at 11:00 and the module begins at 12:00 so I should have plenty of time.
Mentally, I'm not freaking out anymore. I'm nervous but excited now. It is what it is, and I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I guess I need to trust everyone that keeps telling me that I can do this. Especially the ones who have gone through the training. I'm not opposed to hard work and I know that's what this weekend will be. Bring it on.
It brings tears to my eyes to realize that in March 2008 I was a 230 pound woman who was dragged to a Body Pump class, taught by the one and only Alex Kattar. The next day I couldn't move but I went back... again and again and now, 2-1/2 years and almost 70 pounds less later, I'm about to walk into a training to become an instructor myself for a class that changed my body and my life.
So freaking awesome.
The plan is to drop Cassie at mom's in the morning so she can be taken to school and then a stop at some random coffee shop (hahaha) and hit the road by 8:00am. Check in is at 11:00 and the module begins at 12:00 so I should have plenty of time.
Mentally, I'm not freaking out anymore. I'm nervous but excited now. It is what it is, and I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I guess I need to trust everyone that keeps telling me that I can do this. Especially the ones who have gone through the training. I'm not opposed to hard work and I know that's what this weekend will be. Bring it on.
It brings tears to my eyes to realize that in March 2008 I was a 230 pound woman who was dragged to a Body Pump class, taught by the one and only Alex Kattar. The next day I couldn't move but I went back... again and again and now, 2-1/2 years and almost 70 pounds less later, I'm about to walk into a training to become an instructor myself for a class that changed my body and my life.
So freaking awesome.
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