Show B**bs

Hee Hee. I spent the entire day today being more conscious of my posture than I EVER have in my life. I never realized how much I hunch and bring my shoulders forward. Part of it, I think, is that I spend my days with people much shorter than me - 5 year olds. I am constantly bending over to talk to them, to help them, to work with them, and sitting at a table with them I am usually leaning over to work with them. So it's no wonder I have gotten accustomed to rolling my shoulders forward. I wonder if that is part of the upper back pain I seem to be dealing with constantly now.

After the feedback from Alex yesterday, and looking at the horrible pictures he took and posted, I really noticed how my shoulders are. So I was told to use a towel to do some shoulder stretches. OMG. Talk about painful. Not only did I spend my day sticking my chest out and putting my shoulders up and back, I come home and after (actually during) cooking dinner, I am using a towel for these stretches and WOW. He's right. I need some serious shoulder flexibility. Daily towel work it is! Plus I scheduled yet another massage for Wednesday, in between my two BP classes, to help with the upper back.

I am a bit surprised at how sore I am today. Especially since I didn't go high enough on my weight. When I bend over and my hamstrings scream at me, I wonder what I did. Then I remembered that I did the lunge track on the bench top. Duh. No wonder I'm sore.

Tomorrow the plan is to apply as many of the tips Alex gave me in my class. Upping the weight, keeping the shoulders up and back during triceps, well, during all the tracks. Doing more on my toes. And others. I have my work cut out for me. However, this is what I do best. Take feedback and apply to make myself better. I've done it in the classroom; this is no different. Well, teaching a certain strategy is different from physically being able to apply more weight, or better technique. So this is harder. Crap.

Sigh. There is no option, however. I must do this. I want to do this. I want to do whatever it takes to get better. Because this is fun. This is keeping me sane.

Alexander said to me tonight, when I shared with him all the classes I signed up for at my first Les Mills Quarterly Event in March, that he didn't think I could handle doing 7 classes. In one day. To that I replied "Did you think I could be doing what I am doing right now?" "No offense, Mom, but I don't think you physically can handle it." I can't wait to prove him wrong.

I am so flipping excited I may pee in my pants. I'm doing BodyPump, RPM, BodyFlow, BodyVive, Sh'Bam, BodyCombat and BodyAttack. All from 7:00-5:30.  The presenters are the Program Directors and trainers coming from New Zealand. I've seen pictures that the instructors have posted at these events - they are ALL SMILING and having a great time. How bad could it be? Meeting instructors from all over the area and beyond, trying new programs, pushing myself physically, finally being a part of the madness that is LM, with fellow instructors......I get to meet people that I have only seen pictures of, I get to meet new people, all who have a love for a  program that changed my health and my life. I am so looking forward to it that I understand that there are people who won't understand the draw of working out for 7 hours in one day.

For me, I say Bring IT! I can't wait...................Kia Kaha!!! I just worry about my hair. I mean, after one BP class I'm a mess. 7 classes?? Good grief. Better pack the waterproof makeup.

First BodyPump Taping

I've been stressing over this moment ever since Alex told me he was going to help me tape. The thought of my mentor, the person I hold up on a pedestal when it comes to Les Mills and BodyPump, coming to watch ME, just freaked me out. I did have a little taste of it when I went to SF awhile ago and had to cue in front of him before my audition.  But as this was only my 7th class EVER teaching by myself, while I was feeling infinitely more comfortable in my own skin, I was SO nervous about him seeing me in that element. HIS element.

What was I so worried about? It wasn't AS bad as I thought it would be..........

The day started off with going to my classroom to look for my lost gym bag. I walked into the staff room because I figured if I did leave it, which I HIGHLY doubted, it would have been in there or the bathroom since I always stop off before I leave school. Not there. I went into my classroom, never believing that I would find it there because I remember telling myself out loud not to forget it since I needed it this weekend. I opened the door to my room........and literally yelled out loud when I saw it in the same spot that I always leave it!! Thank goodness! The relief I felt, even for the material things, was great.

I did end up going to Radio Shack to by a longer audio cable because the one I had purchased still didn't go all the way to where I stand in the class and I was tired of running back and forth to my iPod. It was only 5 feet or so but it takes time. Having it right next to me today made a difference.

Got to the gym, fiddled around, talked to some people, and once I got into the room and started to get set up was a little worried because Alex wasn't there yet to set up. Good thing though - the mic wasn't working, I had to get an extension cord for Alex because the only outlet was by the stereo (but he ended up not needing it anyway). Stephanie, thank goodness, set up my equipment for me which saved me. Finally got the mic working after changing the battery (and was happy to see the antennae fixed since it snapped off on Thursday night), Alex came in and set the tripod up in the back of the room (HOORAY!!!! I thought for SURE he was going to set it up 10 feet in front of me like I saw during Kristin's taping) That right there took away 85% of my anxiety. That and the fact that I had this image in my head of the camera being directly in front of me and Alex standing behind it, making funny faces at me as I taught!! Now that I think of it, though, I'll bet as some people left early, they walked right in front of the camera. That would not be good in the tape I end up submitting. But I'll let Alex figure that one out ;-)

Was literally shaking during the warmup. Saw Alex walk out by the doors and thought to myself "Oh great, he won't be actually watching me, he just left the camera to tape! YAY!" Uh-uh. He came and sat to my left on the floor against the mirrors. Just so I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and close enough that I could NOT make eye contact with him at all or I would literally LOSE IT. So I just did my best to scan the room and avoid looking at him! No offense taken I hope.

Overall, felt pretty good. Was one of the better classes. It's so cool to be able to see slight improvements with every class I teach. This was the 7th, and I notice that with each class, I become more confident, move faster, finish earlier.  I am connecting with new participants before and after class, am seeing improvements with current ones, and am getting a kick seeing my friends that are new to BP challenge themselves a bit more. I feel like I am beginning to make a difference. This is why I love doing this.

Class ended (and I am told that it seems like I kept within an hour - the real test is always on Thursdays with a class before and after) and Alex chatted with the old Gold's crew while I was cleaning up. It was great for them to see him and vice versa, and I loved being able to introduce him to my friends that have only heard me talk about him for so long. He wanted to keep me after and make me work on technique but my darling friend Steph said we were all going to go for coffee so we had to leave :-) thanks Pumpkin Spice - love ya!!!

I will write this here, so I don't forget. As Alex and I were driving to Starbucks, I asked him how bad I was. Now why I felt like I needed to ask it in that way I don't know.....still feeling a bit intimidated and even though I know I didn't blow it, I still felt insecure with my performance in the presence of Alex. There were a couple of chorey bloops and I know I wasn't perfect with technique. When he told me that I was overwhelmingly good, well, I just started crying. Drama Queen? Of course. Nothing less for me. I just couldn't believe he would phrase it like that. He said he would take a class from me. Huh? Really? I'm getting teary just writing it. He cannot know how much those words mean to me. Wow.

Heading to my favorite place.....Starbucks with Steph, Alex, Janet and Jeanett. It's hard to describe how much I enjoyed that time today. It was a blending of two worlds for me; my school life and my fitness life. I sat back and watched the interactions; there was never a moment when nothing was being said; constant chatter and no silence. Everyone got along so well. Conversations were serious, funny, animated, around school, Les Mills, BodyPump, dating, tattoos, piercings, kids, spouses, FaceBook, on and on. It was truly a perfect way to top off what I felt was a great class. To have three very important women in my life come together and hit it off with Alex, who has been instrumental in my fitness journey, made my heart sing and made me HAPPY. Yes, this sounds sappy. But these women all know, have all seen the transformation I have gone through and continue to go through with teaching BP, have heard me talk so much about this man who inspires me, supports me, pushes me and is honest almost to a fault - well, now, I think they get it. They understand why I go on and on about BP. And Alex. He's heard me talk about each of them, Steph as my running coach,who inspired and pushed me to complete my first 1/2 marathon. She was my "Alex" with running. Janet and Jeanett, my teacher friends and mentors who have seen me grow from a new teacher, to a seasoned one, and from a fat person to a fitness instructor. It was just really nice to blend my two worlds so seamlessly. Made my heart soar. They all hugged as they parted ways. Awwwwww.

Alex and I then went to eat a quick lunch at Chipotle and he was able to go over all the notes he took while sitting on the sidelines watching me. He told me that because I was good, he was going to really be nitpicky on all the small stuff. No problem for me - that's what I need. I am usually pretty good at taking feedback and applying it to improve my performance, whether it's in the classroom on the Group X room. Everything he commented on (well, ALMOST everything) I can apply immediately. Some of the biggest things: shoulder posture - I tend to hunch and roll forward. Need to work on shoulder flexibility. Weight selection - need to go higher. I know I can lift more, I have just been reluctant to lift more as I teach. I sweat like a piggy with what I am doing now. Lifting more? I'll need a bucket to sop up the sweat. Eww. I agree that I can lift more on certain tracks but some that he mentioned worry me a teeny bit. I'll get over it though. Plus.......on my toes for pushups and hovers. Sigh. That'll be a challenge. Oh, and I need to sip my water faster. OK. There's more but these are the big ones. It was nice to hear my cueing was good and I should try to remember what I did for the next taping. I have tried to script my cues, get through a few tracks and then give up. I find that because I have taken it for so long, it comes somewhat naturally what I need to say and cue and either I know it or I don't. So I didn't spend too much time on it and I was worried if it would be okay. Happy to know it was fine and I can concentrate on my own form, weights and how to correct the participants. It was also nice to have another set of eyes to be able to scan the room and let me know how the class was doing and give me help with how to help them.

Alex gave me a ride to the soccer field, where Franklin was with the kids as my Alex had a training session. Cassie said to me after he left, "Did Alex get a haircut on his beard?" So observant, my little monkey butt. She remembered he had more of a beard the last time she saw him or his picture but he had shaved it off a few days ago. That's my girl.

Other than spending the late afternoon at the laundromat doing laundry because of our broken washer......it was definitely a very good day and I feel satisfied that I am on the right path to becoming the kind of Les Mills instructor I want to be. Awesome.

Thank you Alex. Thank you to all my friends that came to class today and every class and support and encourage me and give me the feedback I want and need. Thank you to my family for your undying support.  I love you all. Muah.

Sigh.....Can I Just Go To Bed NOW???!!

What a day. It didn't start off with me feeling like I just wanna crawl back into bed. But it is sure ending like that.

Took mom to get a massage for shoulder pain. Cassie and I were kicking it at Starbucks, waiting for her, and I was scripting cues and looking at my $100 from training to make sure I was hitting all the required compulsories for BP to be ready for my taping tomorrow. Ran into Kristin and Deb, chatted for a bit. Took mom to In-n-out (now she's hooked), went home, and put in a load of laundry.

Was talking to Alex on the phone about tomorrow's details and walked into the hallway to check on the clothes in the dryer and found the entire hallway soaking wet! literally squishing with water. I freaked out, hung up the phone, stopped the washer and started pulling towels out. What a mess. Something must have snapped underneath cause the hoses that were visible looked fine. It's a small stackable in the hall closet, but the washer must have been full when it broke. The adjoining closet, everything on the floor, wet. The water went into the master bedroom, through the wall into our closet, in the bathroom.......Franklin and Alexander started scooping water up while I ran to my mom's to get her carpet shampooer. Figured we could use it to suck up all the water. Well, I spent, literally, the next 3-1/2 hours passing that thing back and forth, back and forth. It worked, sucking up excess water. Franklin had to leave for a soccer game so Alexander and I took turns passing the cleaner back and forth. While he was doing it, I was cleaning the rest of the house, which was my original plan for today since I was not able to work out in preparation for tomorrow. Then I had to clean the tub because that was where we tossed all the dirty water. At least I got a shower in but I feel like I worked out, with all the work I did today. Now we have several fans and a space heater going. I'm amazed that the carpet feels like it will be mostly dry by tomorrow. Have not heard back from our landlady though. Will need a new washer for sure. This thing is really old. Sigh. Now tomorrow afternoon I will be spending it at the laundromat doing the rest of our laundry. UGH.

So, trying to be optimistic, I am hoping for a better evening, as I can finally sit and relax for the rest of the evening. But alas.........I go to look for my gym bag to prepare it for tomorrow and I can't find it. ????!!!! It's not small, it's fairly large and purple. And it's not where I normally drop it when I come in the door. I thought maybe I put it in my bedroom, or with all the panic of the water damage and moving things around, it was placed somewhere else. Or it was still in the van. Franklin and I looked. Everywhere. By now I am starting to panic. EVERYTHING is in there. I took it to work yesterday because I was going to the gym after school. Then Alexander's game began later than I thought so I went to watch his game instead. I remember thinking at school that I better not forget it because I need it for Sunday. So I am 95% positive I took it from school. It couldn't have gotten stolen from the van at the soccer game; my laptop was there as well and I have that. When I arrived home last night, Cassie had fallen asleep in the car and so Franklin and I made a trip inside with all the crap I carry around - my purse, my bag, my gym bag (so I thought), the groceries......then we went back to get Cassie. I have a memory of me slinging it over my shoulders........but I can't find it.

The only thing we can think of is I placed it on the ground near the car as I was trying to get everything out, and left it. To be taken by someone during the night. Either that or I really did leave it at school, which I highly doubt.

The good thing (the only good thing) is that I have time in the morning to go to school and check, then Radio Shack opens at 10:00 so I can go and buy more cables to connect to the stereo system. I had in that bag the cables for both San Carlos and San Mateo, my iPod (Franklin's old Nano), my Shuffle, a pair of earrings, my BP76 release (seriously crying over that one - I only have my chorey notes because I was using those), my gloves (now I have to get through an entire class without them which will suck because my hands are sore from gripping that shampooer for several hours), 2 or 3 changes of workout clothes, snacks, my running journal, my Group X employee manual....thank goodness my outfit for tomorrow and my good shoes were not in there.

I am just sick about the whole thing. Not to mention I had this iPod all Kristy/shuffle-proof. Now I have to take Franklin's iTouch, go buy new cables, and get to the gym on time.

I know I am thankful that it was just stuff. Not my school laptop. Yes, I am tired from the physicality of my day with the water. And that whole situation could have been worse. So, I am thankful. But I am feeling incredibly forgetful and stupid right now, for not even realizing I didn't have my gym bag until now. I usually bring it inside, and unpack it/get it ready for the next day before I go to bed. I didn't last night because I knew I wasn't going to work out today. So I didn't even  think about it until later.

Sigh. More stress, then to be mentally ready to be taped tomorrow.......I just want to go to sleep and wake up and have everything all better. Pray that I find my bag at school or someone returns my bag. My name/info is nowhere in the bag so the likelihood of that is...........Sigh.

Trying to Run Again

Well, I've been avoiding it, or putting it off, but I couldn't do it any longer. I need to increase my cardio and the truth is, I've been so focused on BodyPump, almost to the exclusion of anything else. I've done a few kickboxing classes, a few yoga classes......but my main focus is BP. This has nothing to do with the scale not moving, I KNOW I need cardio to balance out my workouts and I haven't made time. I need to schedule it in like I used to.

I have a tendency to focus too much on one thing. While I am good at multitasking in general on a daily basis, I've discovered that with exercise, when I have a goal, I focus too much on that goal. This is a new phenomenon for me, since I am relatively new to this whole "exercise as a way of life" thing. With the marathon, I did more running and very little cross training. This was partly due to the fact I didn't HAVE BodyPump readily available to me. I am not a gym rat in the sense that I can go and do weights or machines and get a workout. I am too much of a wimp and when it hurts, I'll stop since there is no one but me to push and motivate me. That's why I love BodyPump and classes in general - the group setting motivates me to keep going even when I feel like giving up.

That's also what was so great about Stephanie and the running group. That pushing, that motivating so that I would keep going. Today was interesting, running for the first real time since the race. I ran once on the treadmill awhile back, but I just couldn't get into it. It felt off, and I know that's because the only running training I have done has been outside on pavement. Well, I knew I was not going to go to the gym tonight and do BodyPump, as I have been dealing yet again with my upper back tension pain. A massage yesterday helped but it's still there.

Franklin has been going to Woodside to walk around the track while Alexander has been at soccer practice so I thought I would join him and do some running and walking.  The girl's teams were playing so there were a ton of people there, but Franklin was not there when I arrived. I decided to go on the track and start anyway. My knees have both been acting up as well and I was a bit concerned about them so I walked 2 times around to warm up. I began a slow jog, and it felt really good to run again. However, once around the track and I had to walk. Pathetic. 1/4 of a mile? I walked for a minute or two and kept going. With short walking breaks, I kept going, having to stop once to hit the bathroom and the water fountain because someone keeps yelling at me to hydrate :-)

Franklin showed up but he has his friend Miguel to walk with and so I stopped to say hello and kept going. There is an 82 year old man that runs around this track literally EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR. Rain or shine, weekends, every day he runs 2-5 miles. It is so amazing and inspiring. Same time of the day. Well he was out there as usual, and Franklin had stopped to talk to him so I stopped as well and was introduced. He is an old Irish immigrant, his accent still evident and we began walking around the track and he is the NICEST man. We talked running, exercise, the gym, the grandkids (his, not mine!) and he mentioned to me that he was happy to see Franklin out there every day as well. He had assumed that the doctor had told him he had to go but I explained to him my journey and how Franklin is now  ready to begin getting healthy on his own and I am just supporting him however I can. We ended up walking 2 laps, just talking about his wife, kids, etc. After we parted ways, I had completed 8 laps and began running again. Well after essentially cooling down for 2 laps, it was not so great. I was able to do 1-1/2 more laps, then walked to complete 10 before I stopped because the right knee was yelling at me.

10 laps. That is only 2-1/2 miles. Pathetic. I know I need to give myself a break, I haven't run in a long time. It's not like starting from scratch like I did in July, it was better, but of course, me with the high expectations, expected better from me. Oh well. This just proves that I need to run 3 times a week. Especially if I am going to do this 1/2 in April. I have only about 10 weeks. My focus right now is passing my video tape for BP but now I have to start training again for the 1/2. How in the world am I going to make THAT happen? Oh boy.

This Sunday, Alex is coming to my class to video tape me for the first time. I am completely nervous about it. To have him on the other side of the lens, watching my every move with a teacher's eye, will be more nerve wracking than any observation in my classroom! I will look at it like a dress rehearsal. I know it's not going to be perfect the first time. I will take his critique and feedback, adjust as needed, and do it again. I hope it doesn't take too many times to get it right. The video is due March 5 and I want to only tape on Sundays since that's the only time I can do the entire class without pressure.

Speaking of pressure, I had mentioned previously that the hip hop class before my Thursday class was going away and I was hoping to tack on an extra 5-10 minutes to my class so we have time to set up and clean up. Well, found out today that they replaced it with Tae Bo, which I would totally want to take myself, but there is no adding of time for BP. Which sucks. So I am still challenged with getting into my class at 6:30 and being done by 7:30, set up and clean up included. CRAP. And I don't know that I can take a Tae Bo class and then immediately teach a BP class. I don't know. Maybe I could but I would look all hot and sweaty from the start. EW.

Like old times, I am sitting and icing both knees and my lower back. BioFreeze is my friend again. Tomorrow, maybe I'll do a Spin class or just go get on the bike at the gym. My goal is to do 3 days of cardio. 3 days of BP. That's about as balanced as I can be right now.

One more thing: My principal is shameless and sneaky. In our district, we have a Fun Fit program, which is designed to give teachers exercises and activities to do with the students. Someone has always taken the lead at each school, going to a training and then training the teachers on how to incorporate fitness in the classroom. The teachers always roll their eyes at these staff meetings when the Fun Fit person pulls out the binder and tries to get people off their feet to learn these activities. A thankless job for sure. Well, she sends out an email today to the ENTIRE staff, saying that we need a new Fun Fit ambassador and if anyone is interested, they should email her ASAP. Then she goes on to write that she knows a certain Kindergarten teacher that would be great at the position, that everyone needs to encourage this teacher to take it on, and here's a hint: she teaches exercise classes at the local gym. Hellooooo? Freaking great. Like I have time to take on yet ONE MORE THING.

Sigh. Can't wait to go to school tomorrow and see the fallout of that email.

PATIENCE

is a virtue I seem to be lacking. But it's getting better.

Today's Sunday class was the closest to perfect YET. I know, I should not be expecting perfection. No one is perfect. Well, you know what I say to that? PPFFFHHHTTTTT. Because I am just the kind of nutcase that expects a class that is darn close to perfect. I've been told to let it go, and don't beat myself up, but let's be real. I am just not good at that. I want to deliver a great class to my members. And I will. Actually today was pretty darn good.

I didn't start out thinking it would be like that. Yesterday I went to Kristin's BP class for my own workout, and stayed for kick boxing with Doris, who is AWESOME. But I was beginning to feel the old left shoulder blade knot pain and probably should not have gone to work out but stubborn me needed to do something that was NOT teaching. Even if it meant it would be my 4th BP class this week. I wanted the cardio in kickboxing as well.

During the back track, I had to put the bar down. The tightness and pain began to radiate across my entire upper back. Couldn't finish the shoulder track either. I am just too stupid and stubborn to give up, though, and since I had arranged for Steph to meet me for TKB, felt like I had to stay. Let me tell you, punching was not fun. I left 5 minutes early to get home and pick up the family for hair appointments.

By the early afternoon the pain was pretty intense. Iced, took Advil, stretched, rolled, etc. Still not good. Now I am starting to wonder about teaching. I mean, in the OLD days, I would just take a day off from the gym. Not anymore. The show must go on. I cannot just "call in sick".

This morning I was a bit better but still in pain. Popped the drugs, stretched, rolled and went out the door. I knew the Sunday class would be smaller than last week because several people had already told me they couldn't make it. Janet and Jeanett came, but they were the only "friends". No problem.

I tried to eliminate the whole shuffle deal again. Used an old iPod nano that Alex bought with baseball refereeing money years ago. Disabled the shuffle. So I thought. Good thing I gave it to him to check for me last night and sure enough, he showed me a different place to disable it. Whew. One problem solved.

Before class, I ran into Nancy, the nurse at my Ob/GYN office. She has been around since I was pregnant with Alex more than 16 years ago! She also did the SJ half marathon, asked how I did. She remembers my fat years. She asked me what class I was taking and I told her I was the Body Pump instructor! She was so amazed and proud of me. She said she had taken it once but never went back, so I invited her to try again in one of my classes. She said she will be there this Thursday!

Got in after Zumba, set up the music, put on the mic, set up my equipment. An older lady asked me what she needed and said it was her first time so I gave her some guidance and she said she was expecting her sister also.

Began class, felt REALLY good, moved on to squats, used the CORRECT song this time (yay) and had a great time. But alas, an "oops" - finished triceps, set up with the class for lunges, then when I went to turn on the iPod, realized it was biceps time! Instead of freaking out, I just told the class we were going to do lunges and then go back to biceps. No big deal other than being out of body part order.

That was IT!!!!! No other screw ups!! I couldn't believe it~it felt like such a success!!

After class, I was speaking to a young woman who was in the front row, we would make eye contact occasionally and she would smile, so I wanted to check in with her. Her husband came in to get her after he did his weights workout and I invited him to join us next time and he said he would because it's good to change it up. We chatted and she gave me the nicest compliments - said she loves my class, my coaching is so easy for her to follow and she really enjoys it! Made me feel really good.

Then the lady who was there with her sister for the first time came up to me and told me how much she enjoyed it, how hard it was and how she could already feel her abs! She has to be careful with lunges but she was excited to hear I teach every Sunday and she said she would be back!

I feel like I am connecting with a new group of people, ones who will become my regulars. I saw more familiar faces, more people smiling during class, but still pretty quiet. I guess I am just the kind of participant that grunts, groans and whoops alot. Oh well.

Janet and Jeanett both said it was better than last week as well. I am definitely feeling better about it all. Maybe it's just that Sunday is more relaxed, I can get the whole class in. Began at 11:20 and finished at 12:20. Nice to not rush out for another class.

I had 17 participants. Not bad for Football playoffs, or whatever was going on. I counted 6 people that didn't come that usually would have so it would have been a pretty good sized group. Super Bowl Sunday? Franklin said I might as well not have class. I explained it doesn't work like that. Even if I have only 2 people, class goes on......

The real test will be this Thursday. See if people come back after last week's major blunder. Getting in, getting through it, getting out and NOT cutting a track. That's my goal.

I was amazed that I had no pain during the class. I was so worried but the adrenaline kicked in. Now, however, my neck is hurting and I need to take care of it. Guess I'm scheduling a massage for tomorrow.

Oh, and broke a nail switching weights. When will I have a class where something doesn't break/get smashed?

THAT would be the perfect class!

U-G-H

When does it get better? Easier? Smoother?

Tonight I was not nervous at all. I was looking so forward to class because I had had a great day planning, VERY productive grade level planning day, then spent a very stressful afternoon preparing for yet another classroom observation at 8:25 tomorrow morning. This left very little time to plan, and I didn't leave school until 5:50 - almost dark and I absolutely loathe staying that late. Went straight to the gym.

I went in early but instructed the class not to enter until the previous class was over. I pulled together all my weights, had a chance to go back out and talk to some new members who had questions, felt really ready and good to go.

Oh, and as I am setting up, I hear a little voice excitedly say, "Hi Mrs. Herrera!!!!" and look up to see one of my students in the middle of the gym. WTF? I look over and her parents are waving and smiling at me from the door. I wave them in to join the class and they smiled and said next time. So now my image as a professional kindergarten teacher has been forever shattered. They have seen me in tight workout pants and a halter top. Lovely. Can't wait to see what the dad says to me tomorrow!

Begin the class at 6:35. So here I am, doing the warm up, feeling good. Go to track 2, demonstrate good range of motion, started the music and put the bar on my upper back. Begin teaching, moving, thinking, wondering......why does it feel WRONG? Why are my counts seemingly OFF? What is going on? What the..........what........wha....................OH NO.......

OMG I was playing TRACK 4 - the BACK TRACK!!! And doing SQUATS!!!!!! No WONDER it felt wrong! HELLLLLLOOOOOO???? Why did no one catch this? ME??? At least the regulars? Eye contact, something to let me know I was WAY OFF?

Well, it's all about recovery. Only thing to do, in this instance, was S-T-O-P and start over again. Which I had to do. I want to completely disable shuffle. Didn't I learn my lesson last week? I didn't realize I hit it again. So the poor class had to start squats all over again. I'm sure they all hate me now.

Totally embarrassed. Made a joke of it, laughed it off, sure that everyone in the room was thinking, "What a complete idiot!" I didn't advertise that I am a new instructor, but after this? They ALL KNOW. Trust me.

Good grief. When will I have a perfect class? I need to in order to begin taping myself. I cannot submit something so ridiculous as what I did tonight. I realize this was only my 4th class. But to me, 4 times? I should be better at this by now.

And after that great email from my AGXM yesterday. What a bomb.

Then the stupid mic in this gym has so many dead spots in the front of the room. Just finding a spot that works only works for a short time and then you have to move again. Frustrating.

I had to cut lunges because last week I forgot shoulders........but finished the cool down and clean up and was out at 7:32. I just need a mere 5 additional minutes and I will have a complete class. Sent a suggestion to my AGXM tonight on how to accomplish this. Fingers crossed.

At least I didn't cry after class. I did laugh. As I was talking to Steph in the parking lot, my right index finger started seriously throbbing. Don't know what I did to it but in the shower, noticed a HUGE purple bruise running alongside it. I burst a blood vessel somehow. Hazards of BodyPump.

That, and the brain cells that are obviously dwindling faster than I can count.................

Throw Me A Nibble......

And I'll bite. 

I'm kinda amazed at how much a little praise does for my self esteem. I mean, am I that desperate for approval from others? I have so many supporters, and everyone has been so great in terms of cheering me on, telling me I am doing a great job, saying how proud they are of me, giving me advice on how to improve and get better. And I appreciate each and every comment and piece of advice. It will only make me a better instructor, so I welcome the good with the bad.

But today, I received an email from the Area General X Manager who hired me. She was in my class for the first two tracks last night, and while I was curious about what she thought, I didn't think much of it today.

Until I received this email and literally my heart started pounding, and that stupid grin that appears on my face every time I finish teaching a class crept it's way to my lips. I had to copy it here because it literally made my day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Kristy,
Nice to see you last night in San Mateo, thank you for subbing the Bodypump class.
You do a great job delivering your initial cues making it easy for members to understand and follow your class. You also demonstrate excellent alignment and form.
I am very excited to have you on our team, I look forward to having you teach more for us in the future!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know it's a little thing, but coming from her, as my "boss", well, it did something for me. It made me stupidly giddy. I really didn't expect to get any feedback from her, but as Franklin said, if she is a good manager, she would acknowledge an employee that she sees doing a good job. I just didn't feel like I did great last night, what with my errors (that she didn't see, thank goodness!)

Now, as a brand spanking new instructor, this means a lot to me. As a brand new instructor who still, apparently, deep down, has doubts about whether or not I could really be good at this, it is huge. I was reading the email to Franklin and started crying. WTH?? I am amazed at how much crying I have done since training to be a BodyPump instructor. Is this part of the deal?

People have so much confidence in me. And to an extent, I have confidence too, although not nearly what others see in me. I suppose that will come with time. And while it's so nice to have validation, which apparently I really need, there is still that niggling little bit of self doubt deep down.......having such awesome role models can be intimidating when trying to follow in their foot steps, fill their shoes. I will never be an Alex or a Kimi. I am really okay with that. I will be me, but of course, with mentors like that, I want to be like them but it will never happen. I can only hope to be the best instructor I can be, with my own style, my own brand of Les Mills fun. 

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that even though I will never be as good as they are, it doesn't mean I won't be good at this. After each class, I feel better about how I did. Having Stephanie at each class is like having my own personal evaluator, in a good way! She gives me honest feedback, compares that class to the one before, tells me what I did great, what I can improve on, and keeps me focused on the big picture. The kind of coaching she did with running.

I still beat myself up for the stupid little mistakes. Even though I have only taught 3 solo classes, I have been "doing" this class for so long that I have such high expectations of what I should already be like. I think it's natural. At least, I HOPE it's natural. I hope I can cut myself some slack because I know there will come a class that bombs way more than my first. It's how I recover from it that counts. I'm also hoping that because I am "experienced" in BP that I will "GET" this sooner than if I were a true beginner.

So even though I receive and appreciate praise, I need to learn to not listen to that self doubting part of me. Unless that part of me is what is keeping me humble. I don't ever want to lose that, because I feel like getting to do this job is such a privilege. To help change people's lives and bodies, to be a small part of that, is an honor. If I can inspire and motivate even one person, I will have served my purpose.

I am so tired. My brain hurts. I think WAY too much now. Why is that? 

I think because I have never been a truly outgoing person. I can make friends easily but have always been reserved and shy when it comes to unfamiliar social situations. At parties, Franklin can talk to anyone, and I have always felt very uncomfortable meeting new people. So I think that is why I feel so damned giddy when I finish a class.

I have NEVER ever EVER put myself out there like that, in front of a group of mostly strangers, looking at me, at my body, having to speak and motivate. I mean, I am a teacher, and can speak in front of parents at Back to School Night or meetings, but this is totally different. I'm moving, in ways that I cannot see because I can't look at myself in the mirror! My butt is facing the mirror. Don't think I don't think about that during class. I DO. The fact that everyone person in the room can see my butt as I squat and lunge and I can't see what I look like really gets to me. I can't check my hair, see if I look like a dork, nothing. It's kind of disconcerting. I'm used to looking at myself in the mirror (for my FORM) during class. I have to trust now that I can FEEL that my form is good since I can't check it myself.

As a person who struggled with weight issues, having people look at my BODY.....I don't know if I will EVER get used to that.

Which I think is really why I was totally floored at the email I received. She could see my form and I couldn't, yet she said I showed excellent form. I haven't had that type of confirmation yet. I suppose the real test will be when Alex comes to video tape me. While I am looking forward to it, I am not because I will be so nervous to have him critique me in that way. Sigh. One of these days I will get over it.

Off to bed. Like I said, my brain hurts from all this thinking. I am thrilled, beyond happy at the feedback from my manager. It made my day to hear it from someone who doesn't know me, really, at all.

Yippee!

Class #3 - In the BOOKS

For some weird reason it feels like I've been teaching BodyPump a lot longer than just 3 classes. Well, I did do the two classes where I team taught with others, so it really is 5 classes but only 3 solo. Tonight I did my first sub job tonight for Kristin in San Mateo at the Super Sport and it was a lot of fun! Again, had that same stupid grin on my face as I drove  home and when I was telling Franklin about it. I simply cannot believe how much fun I am having. The Group X room is smaller, Golds/Crunch sized and just had a feeling of intimacy that I miss from when I was just a participant. Hee Hee that was NOT that long ago!! But it was much easier to connect with the members, although I discovered tonight that the more I do that, the more I lose count and screw up choreography! I know it's only my 3rd class but I have to get this down. I KNOW the chorey; yet at each class I blow it at some point because I am either coaching or connecting and lose track. I suppose it will come with time; I just have this sense of urgency to be great at this and I don't have a whole lot of patience.

I was really nervous teaching somewhere that I had no one that I knew; my awesome friends came through for me. Stephanie, Janet, Jeanett and Julie came and it made me feel SO much better having those familiar faces staring at me. You could tell, though, that there were some experienced pumpers in class. I got some smiles, some back and forth, and head nodding from quite a few. I even got some thank you's at the end!

Time wise, we started at 5:35 - there was a spin class right before, taught by my Area Group X Manager. She ended up assisting me a bit with the sound system and then watched from the corner of the room for the first two tracks. I was surprisingly not nervous even knowing she was there - after an observation in my classroom AGAIN today by a SM County Office of Ed person and the Head of English Language Develop. watching me do an ELD lesson....this was a piece of cake. It wasn't until a bit later in class that I blew it a bit!

Of course my friends all wanted me to cut lunges if we ran short on time - sorry ladies - kept them, REMEMBERED shoulders, hahaha, but looked at the clock and we had 7 minutes to get in abs and cool down so I chose cool down. Happy to see that even though there was clean up happening, the majority of the group stayed on the floor with me to stretch. I am just going to continue to put out there how important it is to do it.

All in all, I finished the class at 6:28. So if I had done abs, even though it is less than 4 minutes, it would have gone over. With Latin Explosion Dance right after, and a line of NO LIE, 56 people waiting, I guess I made  the right decision. Especially as a sub. But I still find it inexcusable to cut anything so my personal goal is to be a 24Hour instructor that consistently gets in a full class. There, I said it. And now I am going to shoot for it.

I have to start getting this down, though, and smooth. I need to get my video going. Had coffee with Alex yesterday and he said he is coming in on a Sunday, maybe even this weekend (crap) to begin filming me. I can just picture it now: total chaos. I cannot imagine being anything but completely nerve wracked with a camera pointed at me. Like 30 pairs of eyes aren't nerve wracking enough. But it has to be done, and once I submit and PASS, yes, pass, my video, then I can really begin to play with this and have fun. I cannot wait!!!

I thought again tonight, as I was deliriously giddy from class, that just 6 months ago I was desolate at the thought of no more BP in my life. And now, I am deliriously happy to have it. And teach it. And have so much fun with it. To be able to go to a "job" where I don't dread it AT ALL, where I am nervous but it's a happy nervous, where I am excited to show up.....I haven't felt that in a long time. I am not in this for the money, but today we found out our team was accepted to go to the biggest youth soccer tournament in the country, a mini-world cup, seriously, in Dallas in April. So I decided that all the money I earn teaching BP (as little as it is) will go into our Dallas trip, since all 4 of us are going. Any extra money goes to that pot. Because the well is pretty dry so it will take some creative thinking to pull off this trip. But you know what?

I have discovered, over the last few months, that nothing is impossible. No dream is too big. I just have to think it, hope for it, see it, believe it can happen, and feel like it already has. And so it will be.

I just have to close this with saying I am extremely proud of my husband. It is 11:30 and he is at the gym. Yes, at the gym. He has a free membership now because of my job and has been, since last week, walking 3-4 miles daily during Alex's soccer practices. Today we took Cassie to the doctor and he didn't walk, and announced at 10pm that he was going to go on the treadmill. He called his friend who was supposed to join the gym with him, couldn't get a hold of him and he went anyway. So off to bed for me, while my hubby is trying really hard to make some positive changes in his life. Without me nagging anymore, just by example.

How cool is that?!

Thank Goodness THAT'S Over!!

Da Bomb. I mean, I bombed. Okay, I didn't BOMB. But it sure felt like it for two hours after my very first solo BodyPump class.

Now I am a Drama Queen. No secret. But really, I have such high expectations of myself going into teaching this class, and I KNOW I need to give myself a break. However, it is entirely the fault of my previous fabulous instructors. They are the ones I hold myself up to. Who I aspire to be like. Like THAT will ever happen.

I was not nervous. At all. I was just excited. Until about 5:00 pm. Jessica drove me to the gym and we took both girls because they wanted to play in the KidsCare. Fine. So we check them in, get them settled, and had over an hour to either do cardio, or instead, talk to the manager about a couple of new developments coming up in the next couple of weeks. Jess also got them them, willingly, to open up the hand weights for people to use during triceps and shoulders.

I worked myself up into dry mouth, even though I had been slamming water all day. Still fighting a cold that I refuse to give in to. I had a headache. I had stomach flip flops. Spoke to Andre, the hip hop teacher before me and confirmed that he doesn't mind if we go in the last 10 minutes of class and pull equipment to the back and sides of the room to save us set up time. It would really be nice, though, if people would RESPECT the other class and not set up in the middle!! I had to run around and get people to move their stuff to the back since class was still going on! At this rate, I won't let them in until 6:30.

So I am running back and forth, getting set up with Stephanie's help (now I am happy that at times, I would set up Alex and Kimi's weights because they were busy plugging in music, getting ready.....it's a lot to do in a few minutes! Andre was talking to me, he doesn't use the mic so I am getting that ready, no belt pack so Steph ran to the front to get it for me. Then I couldn't figure out what was up or down getting that stupid thing on and I had already worn it twice! Sigh. Set up my iPhone (with the Airplane setting on, Alex!) and we were on our way.

Introduced myself to the class, told them I was the new Thursday instructor (didn't mention I was NEW) and announced the new Sunday class (because I knew if I waited till the end of class, most may be gone already). Forgot my class intro "BodyPump is the Original Barbell workout that strengthens and tones every muscle group in your body" blah blah blah.

Start the warm up, nailed it. Connected with the room, there were 30+ people, lots of Hoover people which was so exciting, as well as most of the regular pumpers. Moved into squats, nailed that one. But a funny thing kept happening as I went to start the music for each track. When I went to pause after the warm up, my phone had locked so I double clicked to see the music menu, and a different song was cued up next. So I had to unlock, go into the playlist menu, and get to the next track. This kept happening. I know I wasted time messing with the stupid playlist. Everytime I went to start the next track after I demonstrated the key moves, it was not on the song that was supposed to be next. DROVE ME NUTS. I will have to bring Franklin's iTouch next time cause I can't deal with it. May as well just sprint to the stereo and have the CD playing at this rate.

Triceps were fun. I loved seeing the looks of pain literally across the room. I'm sure I had the same look but I tried REALLY hard tonight to smile through my pain. Biceps - fun. Lunges - NOT. But I finished even though I swear my legs were a freaking jello mold as I wobbled to my phone to pause. 

I was VERY conscious of the time. Zumba is right after and there are always like 70 people in line. I spoke to Justin beforehand and he told me as long as we were not actually doing a track at 7:30, not to worry and just make sure we are cleaning up by then. But the pressure of getting all the tracks in, coupled with the clock ticking.....I just couldn't relax and get past the fact that I was running out of time. I tried not to talk too much in between but I swear it was the damn phone that added more time.

I hate to admit it, but I had to cut abs and go straight to cool down. I had mentioned at some point in the class that I really felt strongly about the class finishing the warm up and if they could please not clean up during abs or cool down to respect those who were there for a complete workout. Happy to say that only 2-3 people cleaned up early - I had almost a whole class on the floor stretching. Felt really good to see that.

Thanked everyone, started cleaning up..........and it hit me. I couldn't believe what I had done.

I COMPLETELY FORGOT SHOULDERS.

WTH?????? I LOVE THIS SHOULDER TRACK. I didn't even REALIZE I forgot it till class was over. OMG. Now, the newbies, they didn't even realize. The regulars, sure they did. I was MORTIFIED. I knew I had to cut abs. But to completely forget an entire track? STUPID phone and the mix up in the songs. I didn't even realize. And because Jessica keeps telling me if I am going to cut a track, make it lunges, I think I will keep lunges in just for her......hahaha!

Franklin and Alexander came to pick me up and Alex came in the room and was talking to Kristin, and when I told him the phone was acting crazy he asked, "Do you have it on shuffle?" Of course I didn't! I know better! Well, lo and behold.......I looked at the playlist and the damn thing was on shuffle. No WONDER my playlist was all out of order. CRAP!! How did I not notice that? Now I feel like a complete idiot. How does one FORGET a track?

We ended up going to Pasta Pomodoro for a Woodside soccer fundraiser where I had an awesome salmon salad but I kept kicking myself the whole way there, and sitting at the table waiting to order I couldn't help but let the tears flow. It didn't help that Alex was giving me grief for even being upset, I just wanted to smack him.

The thing is, Stephanie, Carolina, Jessica, and others told me how much smoother it was than the weekend. I received a text from Janet, her second class, telling me how much fun it was. How much better it was than Tuesday. Not to worry about it. But I KNOW. I simply cannot believe that I forgot a track and cut another. Two tracks? It is so unacceptable in my book.

I'll get over it I suppose. But for my first class ever, I wanted it to be damn near perfect. Or at least complete. Now the family joke is this: "Oh, so and so said on FB that she is better than you cause she NEVER forgets tracks!" Or "Hear that song? Is that the shoulder track song?" I live with a couple of freaking comedians. I guess I deserve it, though. I know I shouldn't let it get to me so much.

But again, I come from a participant background where even though the instructors I've had have made mistakes, they were minor. They have never cut tracks. They have not forgotten tracks. At least I never noticed. I did mess up chorey a couple of times, and was flustered enough to cop to it and let it show.

At least the things that I screwed up on are redeemable. On Sunday, I will not have a class after me so I can start on time, time myself and get all the tracks in and not worry about a class after me. I mean, I am not going to take my time and increase the class by a lot, I just won't have the pressure of a class waiting so I can see exactly how long I really take. When I video tape, I will make sure to do it on a Sunday so I don't have to rush out. I will make sure my playlist is NOT on shuffle. Good grief that was stupid. I will make sure to take the lock off my phone or just use the iTouch and not worry about it.

My first class. Done. Part of my history. Thank goodness. I wanted so badly to cherish it, enjoy it, remember it. Well, I did enjoy.........cherish? Hmmm. Remember it? Will never forget it :-)

Another one?

I'm on the eve of my very first, solo class teaching BodyPump....tomorrow it's SHOWTIME!! I am surprisingly not nervous, not right now anyway. I am confident that I know the choreography, I know I will have a good turnout, I know I am so excited about this maiden voyage. It's kind of odd that I am not having a freak out moment. I know that my iPhone will work with the stereo for my playlist. I know how I sound with the mic. Thank goodness I had this past weekend to team teach and get familiar with it all ahead of time.

Last night I went to San Mateo to be in Kristin's class because she was taping her video for BP75. I wanted to support her, plus check out that SuperSport gym since I can sub there, and also see what video taping entailed since I will have to do that myself in the next 2 months.

Her husband Tony did the video taping, and I was amazed at how nervous I was for her. She did really well, but what really irritated me was that people knew she was taping an assessment video, yet the majority of them had cleaned up and left before abs were done! Makes me want to just hold a mock class of 5-10 people and have more control over the whole situation.

My regular BP friends went to the Tuesday class in San Carlos and afterward, went to Justin the club manager and requested a Sunday class, taught by me. He sent the General Manager a text right then and there and told them to check in with him on Thursday. I was so touched that they did that, totally unsolicited by me. Well, today I received an email from the manager asking if I were available to teach a BP class on Sundays at 11:15!! I didn't expect something to transpire so soon! Now I am waiting to find out when it would start. Of course I said I was available starting this Sunday, even though it's my 19th wedding anniversary.......it's only an hour and it's early in the day.

Now my challenge moving forward is finding time and scheduling my own training. I have a 1/2 marathon I've committed to in early April. I need to start running again, and also getting in more yoga for flexibility. I need to look at my calendar, schedule in my own workouts and my classes. I have been so focused on BP for the last month that my cardio training has suffered. It's a little daunting to think that my classes are NOT part of my own workouts, my own training. I need to have a rest day or two, so I just need to take some time to think and plan it out.

I feel fortunate to have my health. So many people are posting on FB about friends that are ill, have passed, or are recovering. I am so thankful, even though I am fighting off something and living on Emergen-C, that I am essentially healthy, strong and somewhat fit.  So many are not that lucky.

I am thankful to be celebrating 27 years with the man I love. 27 years of being together. He supports me and is proud of me and is beginning his own journey as well. I am very proud of him right now. We celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary this Sunday. My kids are beautiful and healthy. I have loving, supportive friends and family.

I am blessed.

Better Than Yesterday...

I had WAY too much fun today. Way more than I thought. Yesterday, I had a stupid grin on my face for hours after teaching my 6 tracks. Today, it was well into dinner time that I kept grinning. My friend Christelle commented that it was more fun teaching than taking a BP class. I have to agree, other than taking a class with awesome, quality instructors, YES, this was so flipping fun.

I arrived at the gym today and met up with Janet, Jeanett and Lynne, teachers from school and completely new to BP. The front desk had no idea there was a class going on. They did not have it on their schedule and even though it was online, they didn't even know where the sign up sheet was. No matter, there was no class and I was having the class no matter what.

The other instructor, Kristin, showed up right before class time and we had a conversation about what team teaching would be like. I would have liked to have a similar conversation before yesterday's class so I was very appreciative that Kristin took the time. She was to have taught tracks 1-4 but asked if she could do 1-2 and if I could do the rest. Thankfully, yes, THANK YOU ALEX, for insisting that I learn ALL 10 tracks weeks ago, so it enabled me to say "of course!" with no trepidations whatsoever. I was ready to do it all if I needed to.

Kristin is also a teacher, and we worked well together during the class. There was energy in the room, 21 participants, 13 that were either regular BP'ers from the old gym or friends and family that came specifically to support me. It was so awesome and I was not nervous at all, surprisingly. I did the technique portion prior to class starting and then handed over the mic to Kristin for 1-2. Once I got the mic back for 3-10, it was AWESOME. Other than the mic going out in the dead zones, it was so much smoother than yesterday, I didn't get the shakes or quivers, people were energetic and responded well to corrective feedback, and it was just so much fun. I've also had several people say they were joining the gym. YAY! One friend that came yesterday told me today she was fine if she was sitting down, but as soon as she started to move, she was really sore. Especially her legs. But she is joining the gym and will be in my class Thursday. How amazing to think that she liked my class yesterday, my first one, enough to join and come back? Wow.  And another friend commented that she wanted to try my class, and one of my mom's clients asked where I teach and it turns out she is a member but has never taken any classes and will come to mine Thursday. Whoopee!

I took the feedback from yesterday and applied it today and I think I did much better. Those that came yesterday said it went well. The volume of the mic needs to be turned up a bit cause some had a hard time hearing me so I need to find a balance. I am very conscious of being too loud with the music or the mic so it's great for my friends to give me the feedback during class so I can adjust.

I tell ya, though, I feel like buying some little mirrors that attach to my head so I can see the class as I lay down for chest and abs!! It was very different presenting to my peers in training during the chest track than actually teaching a class full of participants and not being able to see what they were doing.  I was very conscious of coaching as well as I could so that they knew what to do. It was the same during abs.

It was so great to look out into a sea of faces, wink and smile at my friends, but also to see people I didn't know and wonder if they were having a good time. I had one girl come up to me after and thank me! Several people asked me if the Sunday class was being added so all I could do was to tell them if they wanted a Sunday class they needed to request it.

Afterward, Pam and I went to Starbucks and had coffee and a snack, caught up and chatted. She was so sweet, treating me and giving me a congratulations card! Jessica had picked up Cassie from my house, where Franklin was babysitting Renee so Jess could come to class, and I went to her house after coffee and hung out there for a while as the girls played. It was a great afternoon catching up with two friends who have both been very supportive throughout this journey of mine. Thanks girls!!

I know, that even though I had two great first classes, that they will not always be like that. I'm sure there will be off days, both for me and for participants. I know there will be gliches and bumps in the road. I can't worry about those right now. I can only do my best to make sure I am prepared, physically, emotionally and professionally, to do the best job that I can. I feel a sense of responsibility now, that is greater than before. Being a participant - I was only there for me. If I needed a break, or if I couldn't make it, or if I needed to skip some reps, then I did. It was a selfish hour, that hour as a BodyPump participant.

It has all changed. I am not there for me any longer. It's funny, because when I first began entertaining the thought of even becoming an instructor, Franklin said to me "If you're going to be there working out anyway, you might well teach a class and get paid for it." It made sense to me. Then both Alex and Kimi said to me that the class is NOT for me, but for my participants. I must train separately for my own physical fitness. I knew in my head what they said was true, but until yesterday, really until today, I didn't truly understand what that felt like. I feel a sense of responsibility that wasn't there until now. Finishing tracks that I couldn't finish before. When you have a room full of people looking to you for guidance and for motivation, you HAVE to do it. Going lower on my own weight, enough so that I can teach effectively, feels strange but it suddenly has become NOT about me any more.

I am more conscious of what I look like, how I present myself. Two people have now told me to smile more. I thought I was but I will pay more attention to that. I am a little torn, though. I did smile, but apparently I grimaced alot during certain tracks (for sure, the lunge track). I always, as a participant, enjoyed the look of pain and hard work on the faces of my unflappable instructors. Made me feel good to know that they were also working hard, not just me. I have had many instructors walk around the room, sipping water, coaching but not doing. That was something that I always respected about this program. The fact that the instructors were working just as hard, if not harder, than I was. So while I understand I need to smile more, I just wonder if it is okay to let them see that I too am struggling to finish a track, just like they are. Doesn't that make me more human, more approachable, to them? Doesn't it show that I understand what they are going through, that I understand it's hard work?

All in all, it was a great weekend. I got nothing done, in terms of housework or cleaning. My weekend was all about a new phase in my life, one that I am now so glad that I have begun. I know that I am going to be successful at this, because I am passionate about it, because I love it and because I feel such a rush standing at the front of the room. Because I am willing to put in the work, whether it's practicing at home, team teaching with other instructors, taking more classes, learning more choreography. Because it changed my life and I know that the more people that give it a chance, the more people will want to take the classes.

I don't want to go back to the "real" world tomorrow.....I WANNA PLAY IN THE LAND OF LES MILLS.......

I-AM-A-BODYPUMP-INSTRUCTOR-NOW

or at least I am not a virgin anymore!! I have yet to teach a full class, but that will come in just a few days. And the way I feel right now, like I could fall asleep at the computer, well, you would have thought I just ran my half marathon!! I am wiped out. Probably because I woke up at 3:26 this morning and slept fitfully till 7:30.

The first one is in the books. I need to document, of course, so that I don't forget a single moment of it.....and since I forgot to take ANY photos at all, I will rely on this account to never forget my first class ever as an instructor and not merely a participant.

Got up and got ready, and since the entire family was coming along, had to get them up and out of the house on time. Didn't happen, of course, with the kids. Tomorrow they are not coming so I can get there a bit earlier. Started to get really anxious the closer we got to the gym, but strangely, as soon as I walked in the door, I felt better. Punched in (gotta memorize my employee number, took me forever to get logged in) and saw Kerry there talking to the membership guy Kevin, and Stephanie was there warming up.

As soon as yoga ended,  I went in the Group X room and people started coming in to get set up. It was weird having extra time to set up, talk and get ready because we are always frantically getting set up and starting right away. There was a personal trainer there because we had to explain that there was a special going on for new members. Rosa did the technique portion of the class and I modeled, then I put on the microphone and with heart pounding and body shaking, I began.

I was so conscious of the fact that I was shaking that I couldn't even enjoy the lyrics to a song that is close to my heart. I know I messed up the chorey in the middle but it didn't show, kept going and finished. Squats - more energetic, Stephanie - bless her heart was close to the front, whooping and cheering and smiling the whole time. Chest was good but Alex was right - when you are on your back, it is hard to coach - you can't see anyone, whenever I turned my head the damned mic kept shifting, it was hard. But chorey wise, I nailed it cause it was one of the tracks I presented in training. Back - love that track but I think I could have done better with motivational cues. Triceps - need to coach it better, although it was a fun track and I could see everyone squirming in pain (hahaha) but Deb and Kristin said that when we did tricep pushups, they noticed newbies doing regular pushups so I need to be more explicit when setting them up. I noticed that there was a lady directly in front of me that was doing her own thing - feet up in the air while on her knees during the pushups - and all I could do was reiterate that the toes are on the floor. Rosa was walking around correcting form while I taught.

Then Rosa took over from biceps on, and I was able to help a couple of people with form, and I think I may have irritated her a bit because she was not going to coach using the bench top for lunges because they slide a bit but our AGXM said to just be careful, so I reminded her about the bench tops and she look a bit peeved. Oh well. Who am I to do something different than what LM wants? I figure we need to give them all the options, and they can choose to use them or not.

It was really irritating, as an instructor, to see so many people putting away equipment during abs. I get it now. I wish people would just focus on the workout and worry about the clean up later.

Finishing the class, Rosa asked me to do the cool down, which was great because I noticed everyone stretching. Usually we don't have a chance to cool down. We did it in an hour, so I am hopeful that I will not have to cut any tracks in my own class. Of course we started right on time because we had set up before the class actually started. It will be a challenge but Andre, the hip hop instructor before me, told me he doesn't mind if we come in the room and pull equipment 10 minutes before our class and keep it to the back and sides, then just move into the room once he is done. So hopefully we can start on time and get out before Zumba begins.

Stephanie helped me clean up because so many people kept coming up to me. I have done that for my instructors and let me tell you, it was so helpful today. It will be tough getting cleaned up and out for the next class.

Stephanie H's husband Tim is a member and he and Franklin were watching us through the window. Alexander did at times but he spent most of his time in the Kid Care room watching Cassie because he doesn't trust anyone else to watch her.  Thank goodness Franklin was out there - I went in to class with only half a bottle of water and it was not enough. My mouth got so dry with the teaching that I had to run out and have him fill my bottle while Rosa was teaching. Lesson learned - full bottle for class.

The mic kept going out like it does with everyone else. I had to keep moving back and forth to get it to work. So annoying. But the girls said the volume was good so I will just need to find the right spot.

When I was finished and went out to see them, Deb and Kristin were talking to Franklin and Alex, telling them what a great job I did. Stephanie said I was a natural - I don't know about that, but it felt good. She did comment that when I was not teaching, but just modeling technique, to watch the grimacing look of pain on my face - it may scare the newbies and to smile more! I do remember, though, that when I noticed the instructors working hard, it helped me not to feel like I was the only one struggling.

We went out for breakfast, and I asked Franklin how I looked in the front of the room, if I looked fat, etc etc etc. He laughed and said he even told Alexander that I looked fit and buffed. Hahaha!! I am sure THAT'S not the case! I'll have to ask the girls tomorrow for their honest opinion!! It was strange not to be able to see myself in the mirror - I always do to check form but I just had to trust I was doing it the right way. Can't imagine how big my butt must have looked in the mirror.

I've spent most of the afternoon in my chair under a blanket, on FB or trying to blog. I am amazingly exhausted, and beginning to get sore. Huh? I didn't use my usual weight, in fact went lower than I planned on several tracks because Rosa helped switch my weights while I was demonstrating. I think the lack of sleep plus the anticipation of this first class has caught up with me. Good thing my class is at 11:30 tomorrow so I can sleep in a bit.

All in all, I am so happy the first class is done. I really do cherish the experience, I will never have my first time ever again. Of course, I will have my first solo class on Thursday, so that will be a whole other "first" that I have to look forward to.....

The Last Night of .........

the old me. It is officially the last night that I will be merely a participant in the greatest fitness program around. It is the last night that I will be just Kristy. It is the last night that I will say I am just "going to the gym in the morning."

For now, or at least at 9:15 tomorrow morning, I will be a BodyPump instructor. For real. Officially. Oh WOW. It seems like, FEELS like, I have been preparing for this moment for a very long time. In reality, only a few weeks have passed since I decided to pursue this crazy dream of mine. It was November 14 that I initially signed up for the BP training, and only 2 weeks or so before that when I began seriously considering even doing it. That is only 8 weeks. Since I passed the BP training module, it's only been 5 weeks.

Now, tomorrow, less than 12 hours from now, I will officially teach my first class. Okay, in reality, I am team teaching with Rosa, and I will teach tracks 1-5: warm up, squats, chest, back, triceps. On Sunday, I team teach with Kristin, tracks 5-10: triceps, biceps, lunges, shoulders, abs and cool down.  And I have actually been given my own class. Beginning next Thursday, January 13, I will be the regular instructor for the 6:30 class. OMG.

What's freaking me out just a bit (I am actually surprised I am not in full Kristy Freak Out Mode right now) is the fact that I have not used a microphone yet. I know, I know, Alex, that I should have done that but when the only access to one that I have is the one in the club, how am I supposed to try it out if I have never taught before? So that's the only thing concerning me. Rosa is teaching the Technique portion right before the class, so I will know that the mic works, then I will use it for my tracks and just hope I don't blow everyone's ear drums out.

I have been feeling off all day, stomach nerves I suppose, and I am really tired but I am so excited about tomorrow. I am sad that I probably will not make it to SF to team with Alex at 11:30 because my class ends at 10:30 and although I will try to rush out, I can imagine, since I have friends coming to try the class, that I will chatting afterward. I have some regular pumpers coming both days, Franklin and a co-worker and childhood FB friend coming tomorrow. Sunday is going to be a party - 9 BP regulars, 4 teacher friends and anyone else I can entice from FB to come along.  I simply cannot wait to share with my co-workers the program that I am so passionate about. They have been listening to me talk about it for so long, now they can finally see why it's so near and dear to my heart.  And to move from a fellow participant with my BP friends to their instructor? Weird but so cool. I know that they will all give me honest, constructive feedback which I think is rare and very, very necessary and welcome.

Today at work was a WASTE of time. I was not present at all, our science presenters bailed, screwing up my plans for part of the day. I had BP on the brain all day, nerves, and I just wanted the day to be over. I was amazingly patient with the kids, but my heart was not in it. Thank god they are such forgiving little people, loving me no matter what my  mood.

My principal is beginning another Principal's Challenge, like the one she did last January that sparked the fire in me. What is interesting this year is that while I want to participate, I have no idea what to put down for my goals. I don't have a weight goal anymore, although I still need to lose more weight. I don't have an exercise goal per se, other than needing to begin training for the 1/2 in April, passing my BP video by March, and getting better at instructing. But how do I put those goals down on paper and up on the staff room wall? It's not like last year - 10 pounds and get in the gym 3 days a week. It's not as concrete, it's more personal. Sure I could put down lose 10  pounds. That definitely needs to happen. But will it happen with all the strength training I am and will be doing? I haven't lost any weight in months. I am already in the gym as much as I really want to be. So I can only think of dietary goals, like I really need to increase my water intake. Always hard for me in the winter. And increase my cardio. I've been doing so much BP and not enough cardio. So maybe those will be my two goals. And by spring break, when the challenge is over, the 1/2 will be over, so maybe I can drop those 10 pounds.

I was so easily distracted today. So here I go......need to go to sleep and stop overthinking this launch. I am ready. I know I am. I went through an entire class run through tonight, with Cassie as my willing participant. She cracked me up. Put on her Snow White costume to work out. I insisted she would not be comfortable. Noooo, she insisted. Where did she get this stubborness from? Hmm? Of course, she put it on, started crying about how uncomfortable it was (duh) and took it off. Then she came out of the bedroom with her princess bathing suit on, a silver head band and Ariel earrings and sparkly lip gloss. Good lord, is this my child? All she needed was a pair of leg warmers.

So she took my Stick as her barbell, I grabbed the adjustable duster bar, and off we went. By the time track 2 was half over, she was complaining that she couldn't do it so we took a break. We continued later, on the floor doing chest and then she kept up with me till triceps, just watched me do it on the coffee table, did biceps and lunges with me (the whole time I am trying not to laugh my head off) and ignored me during shoulders, but hung out for abs and cool down. She cracks me up.

I made a couple of mistakes but knew it instantly - second guessed myself instead of just going with my gut and the music flow. But I feel confident that with the music surrounding me in the big room, that I am going to be okay. Nervous but at home.

I am ready. Ready to become an instructor. Ready to motivate others. Ready to amaze myself. Ready to take it to the next level. Ready to teach and inspire. Ready to.......just ready.

Now off to bed. Wish me luck.