It's been a very challenging couple of months. Actually, 2013 has not been the best year so far. One of heartbreak, health issues, frustration, disappointment and stress. Work, home, fitness.....I need to be able to find some bright lights in the near future. I know I am a very lucky person: a place to live, a good job, a supportive family, and good friends.
I am about to go off to Vegas for what promises to be an amazing weekend seeing old and new friends, working out to the best programs in the world. It's the first Mega Quarterly that I will be attending where I teach more than just BODYPUMP, so I am extra excited about going as an instructor of 3 programs. The last big event I went to in Texas two years ago, I hardly knew anyone but left with new friends. This time, I am going with the anticipation of seeing so many people I've met over the last two years and I really need that right now, to be surrounded by friends and fitness.
I just wish I were more excited. Life has been extra challenging at home and work. This week, AGAIN, I will be observed by no less than 15 administrators and district personnel, watching me teach strategies that I've trained hard to implement. It just happens to come during a week of serious health challenges, doctor appointments, tests and more tests. I am nowhere near ready for Vegas, and Franklin and Alexander are leaving for Dallas the day after I leave for Vegas. At least I can look forward to two weeks off from school right after I return from Vegas.
I need more hours in the day. Or a few more days before the weekend. Sigh.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Setback......
I am finally feeling better with all my various injuries.....PT has been renewed, just in time because Naomi found the spot surrounding my tailbone that has been giving me grief and we are finally able to address it. I've also had great results with neck traction; this has almost alleviated the pain in my neck.
This weekend I added in an additional BodyPump class, my PAC class on Saturdays. I will only do one a month there, as Deb is happy to have the other Saturdays and I teach 2 classes on Sunday. This is the first weekend since Dec. 1 that I have taught 3 classes in 2 days; feeling pretty good and I even finally increased my squat, back and bicep weights. I definitely feel the difference and am so happy to be on the road back to normalcy.
However, I have begun emotional eating.....not good. Things are challenging right now, and I find myself reaching for food that has no business being anywhere near my body....and I feel powerless to resist. I thought I had made so much progress, and then a friend posted a list of 15 things to give up and I find myself still doing 12 of them! Here is the list, with an asterisk by the ones I am guilty of:
Doubting yourself**
Negative thinking*
Fear of failure*
Destructive relationships
Gossiping
Criticizing yourself* and others
Anger*
Comfort Eating****
Laziness
Negative self talk*
Procrastination*
Fear of success*
Anything excessive*
People pleasing*
Putting others needs before your own**
Sigh. This list just makes me want to eat some Thin Mints and cry.
This weekend I added in an additional BodyPump class, my PAC class on Saturdays. I will only do one a month there, as Deb is happy to have the other Saturdays and I teach 2 classes on Sunday. This is the first weekend since Dec. 1 that I have taught 3 classes in 2 days; feeling pretty good and I even finally increased my squat, back and bicep weights. I definitely feel the difference and am so happy to be on the road back to normalcy.
However, I have begun emotional eating.....not good. Things are challenging right now, and I find myself reaching for food that has no business being anywhere near my body....and I feel powerless to resist. I thought I had made so much progress, and then a friend posted a list of 15 things to give up and I find myself still doing 12 of them! Here is the list, with an asterisk by the ones I am guilty of:
Doubting yourself**
Negative thinking*
Fear of failure*
Destructive relationships
Gossiping
Criticizing yourself* and others
Anger*
Comfort Eating****
Laziness
Negative self talk*
Procrastination*
Fear of success*
Anything excessive*
People pleasing*
Putting others needs before your own**
Sigh. This list just makes me want to eat some Thin Mints and cry.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
The Right Touch
Massage is something I used to consider a luxury. And in reality, it was. However, once I started working out regularly, it became a necessity - more so after I became an instructor. I have a monthly Massage Envy membership; it took several visits to find a therapist that could work out the many knots to my satisfaction. Aside from the last visit to her, which was horrible, I have been happy with my massages, although I truly need one twice a month because of the 7 classes a week that I teach.
All that? In the past, as a couple of weeks ago I went to a woman that my instructor friend Karin recommended, who, in my opinion, is a F***ing miracle worker. TRULY. I can't explain all I experienced but she is a true healer. I literally am now able to take a real, deep breath, not the shallow breathing I seem to have been doing. Honestly, the difference I feel in taking a deep breath? Like my lungs have the space inside my body cavity to take in more air. I feel like I was so compressed and now I am expanding.......and the increase in my hip range of motion is noticeable. Plus, in literally 11 minutes, she had my tight scapula floating around back there like a piece of driftwood on the ocean.....Can't wait to go back this week for another session!
I am now 5 weeks into my self imposed healing period. Years of not truly taking care of myself, all the while caring for others and teaching my LM classes, has put me in a position where my body has said enough. Multiple pains, from my trap muscles into the scalene muscles in my neck, my tight tight tight hip flexors, tailbone, quads, IT bands.....there's not much in my body that is not tight. So I subbed out classes for over a month, started physical therapy, and am finally listening. Not only to my body but to those who love me and have been telling me for a long time to rest and heal.
Physical therapy has been awesome so far. I love my therapist, Naomi, who actually helped Alexander 3 years ago with his knee/groin injury. I've been consistent with the stretches and strengthening exercises she has given me. My tailbone pain? Not the sacrum, but stems from the hips, glutes and low back. My traps? The neck. So I have already felt better since I started therapy. I am religious about my strengthening and stretching exercises. It takes time each night, but 30 minutes out of my day to take care of specific issues is a small price to pay so that I can get back to doing what I love - teaching Les Mills programs. Naomi thinks that three classes back to back are just too much for me right now because when I get fatigued, my form suffers and therein lies the problem with my injuries. It just saddens me to think I am doing too much, when in reality this is what feeds me, teaching these classes. It's all about BALANCE. Sigh. Not my strong suit.
Last week I added back in to my schedule my BodyFlow classes and they are truly helping my healing along. I tried adding back in my Triple on Tuesday, but BodyPump and CX followed by Flow in one fell swoop was too much, so those classes are subbed out for another week. It is so hard to find someone who can teach those two that I may have to go back to teaching sooner than I am able, and find a way to modify it so I am not in pain. Last Thursday was my first full BodyPump class back in San Carlos and I was so warmly welcomed back that it almost brought tears to my eyes. It was like coming home again.
Probably one of the best things that has come out of taking this time off to heal was something a member, Martha, said to me before class last week. I was expressing to her how much I missed teaching and how I couldn't wait to get back full time and she told me, "We miss you, but you need to take the time to get better so you can come back. You are teaching us a very valuable lesson; if we don't take care of ourselves, we can make things worse. You are setting a great example for us as your members to listen to our bodies and take care of them." I couldn't have been more proud to hear that. I have myself ignored that message many times and now my body is telling me to slow down. I may have to give up one of my classes in the long run if it means that's what my body needs, but I will discover what is a good balance for me as I add my classes back in slowly. I am getting better at not being so impatient; it was a true struggle the first few weeks. Now I am just happy to teach Flow and one Pump.
LESSON: it is great to have the drive, dedication and determination to push yourself hard, to go outside your box of comfort and experience a new level of fitness. What is difficult about this is learning to read the signs your body gives you and to plan in scheduled rest periods. This includes stretching EXTRA and taking care of your body on the off days, getting regular massages and knowing when to say enough is enough. Because in the long run, it will only help you go further than you ever dreamed.
All that? In the past, as a couple of weeks ago I went to a woman that my instructor friend Karin recommended, who, in my opinion, is a F***ing miracle worker. TRULY. I can't explain all I experienced but she is a true healer. I literally am now able to take a real, deep breath, not the shallow breathing I seem to have been doing. Honestly, the difference I feel in taking a deep breath? Like my lungs have the space inside my body cavity to take in more air. I feel like I was so compressed and now I am expanding.......and the increase in my hip range of motion is noticeable. Plus, in literally 11 minutes, she had my tight scapula floating around back there like a piece of driftwood on the ocean.....Can't wait to go back this week for another session!
I am now 5 weeks into my self imposed healing period. Years of not truly taking care of myself, all the while caring for others and teaching my LM classes, has put me in a position where my body has said enough. Multiple pains, from my trap muscles into the scalene muscles in my neck, my tight tight tight hip flexors, tailbone, quads, IT bands.....there's not much in my body that is not tight. So I subbed out classes for over a month, started physical therapy, and am finally listening. Not only to my body but to those who love me and have been telling me for a long time to rest and heal.
Physical therapy has been awesome so far. I love my therapist, Naomi, who actually helped Alexander 3 years ago with his knee/groin injury. I've been consistent with the stretches and strengthening exercises she has given me. My tailbone pain? Not the sacrum, but stems from the hips, glutes and low back. My traps? The neck. So I have already felt better since I started therapy. I am religious about my strengthening and stretching exercises. It takes time each night, but 30 minutes out of my day to take care of specific issues is a small price to pay so that I can get back to doing what I love - teaching Les Mills programs. Naomi thinks that three classes back to back are just too much for me right now because when I get fatigued, my form suffers and therein lies the problem with my injuries. It just saddens me to think I am doing too much, when in reality this is what feeds me, teaching these classes. It's all about BALANCE. Sigh. Not my strong suit.
Last week I added back in to my schedule my BodyFlow classes and they are truly helping my healing along. I tried adding back in my Triple on Tuesday, but BodyPump and CX followed by Flow in one fell swoop was too much, so those classes are subbed out for another week. It is so hard to find someone who can teach those two that I may have to go back to teaching sooner than I am able, and find a way to modify it so I am not in pain. Last Thursday was my first full BodyPump class back in San Carlos and I was so warmly welcomed back that it almost brought tears to my eyes. It was like coming home again.
Probably one of the best things that has come out of taking this time off to heal was something a member, Martha, said to me before class last week. I was expressing to her how much I missed teaching and how I couldn't wait to get back full time and she told me, "We miss you, but you need to take the time to get better so you can come back. You are teaching us a very valuable lesson; if we don't take care of ourselves, we can make things worse. You are setting a great example for us as your members to listen to our bodies and take care of them." I couldn't have been more proud to hear that. I have myself ignored that message many times and now my body is telling me to slow down. I may have to give up one of my classes in the long run if it means that's what my body needs, but I will discover what is a good balance for me as I add my classes back in slowly. I am getting better at not being so impatient; it was a true struggle the first few weeks. Now I am just happy to teach Flow and one Pump.
LESSON: it is great to have the drive, dedication and determination to push yourself hard, to go outside your box of comfort and experience a new level of fitness. What is difficult about this is learning to read the signs your body gives you and to plan in scheduled rest periods. This includes stretching EXTRA and taking care of your body on the off days, getting regular massages and knowing when to say enough is enough. Because in the long run, it will only help you go further than you ever dreamed.
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012 in Review....What a YEAR!!
It seems like a tradition now. Spending some time on New Year's Eve reflecting on the past year. I just finished reading my entries from 2010 and 2011. I sincerely hope that there isn't a year, coming up, where I don't have even greater amazing things to reflect on. The last two years have been a whirlwind, especially as I document my fitness journey. Highlights from the past two years, just to put things in perspective as I reflect on 2012:
2010: "And then, the biggest transformation of all. This year alone, even though I began almost three years ago, has been the most amazing year of all, in terms of personal, emotional, spiritual and physical growth for me. I've blogged about my journey before, but I can't help but replay 2010 over and over in my head because that is the year it actually STUCK. This past year feels like it was fast forwarded, because of how my life has done such a complete 180 since last January. Last January, I had lost 30 pounds but was not consistent with food and exercise and was just living my life as a wife, mom and teacher. Now, in December, I am an additional 30 pounds lighter, discovered a passion and desire for exercise and physical activity, began running, have run (okay, and walked) a half marathon, have made some new wonderful friends, trained to teach BodyPump and was just hired to be a group fitness instructor. HUH? Did I miss something? This is the stuff that happens over years and years. Not in just 12 short months."
2011: "It brings tears to my eyes to read my words, my sense of passion and determination. I feel no less at this moment. This year, 2011, truly WAS all those things above. This year WAS better than the last. It was the year that I truly put myself out there, as an instructor, a teacher, a mentor. I made so many mistakes, made so many bloopers, cried a ton of tears, stuck my foot in my mouth countless times, laughed at myself, kicked myself, tore some hair out, scratched my eyeballs out and then put them back, had others kick the crap out of me......and I am still standing. I am a better person for it, a better instructor. The incredible growth I have experienced in 12 short months ASTOUNDS me. Truly. I still have a long way to go to be the kind of instructor I want to be. But really? I look at my video from Feb 2011. I have come a long way. I am more confident and can handle the little roadbumps that are constantly in my way, just a little easier than I could a year ago."
Fast forward to 2012: I wrote in my Christmas letter last year that this was the year I hoped to add a program or two. Yes, it was a dream but I didn't really think I would have the time for it. Well, be careful what you put in writing, what you put out to the universe. This year surpassed the last two, not that they don't have merit, it's all part of my journey to a better me. It just keeps getting better and better. This IS the year I trained for not one, but two more Les Mills programs.
Probably the most instrumental training I have ever been through was AIM2. I went through this Advanced Instructor Module in March, flying to Seattle for the weekend. I met amazing people who have become friends and supporters. Working with world class trainers to help better my skills as an instructor, work that continues on daily. It was a turning point in my teaching, and even though at that point, I had no intention to actually add on any more programs, I believe it gave me the confidence to do so.
In April, I trained for CXWORX and passed on site. A 30 minute core program that is functional training at it's best. I didn't even have a place to teach the program, but I was encouraged to train and went through it with some amazing women. It was harder, in a different way, than BodyPump. It's amazing how much "easier" it is to go through something like this with friends and supporters. It also was amazing to me how I felt "seasoned" as an instructor next to others that were there for their first ever LM training.
As 24 Hour Fitness began turning their Super Sport locations into Premier clubs, adding more formats, it became clear that I would have the chance to teach CX there. I was fortunate to be asked to launch at these clubs, and am proud to have done so at each launch over the summer, beginning in San Jose on stage with Steve Renata, who is one of the originators of BodyPump. Then when I heard RPM was going to be coming, I thought I would add that program even though I am not a huge fan of indoor cycling. However, when I found out that BodyFlow, my secret love, was coming to San Mateo and Millbrae, that sealed the deal and in July I went through and passed that training. I believe I was meant to teach this program and have enjoyed every single moment of this new format.
I finished the summer launching in San Mateo and Mountain View in November. Probably the most exciting thing this year in terms of teaching is that I was able to expand my teaching from last December's 4 BodyPump classes to adding CX and BodyFlow, for 7 classes a week. Since August, I have had a dream schedule, one that is not without its challenges as I learn to manage the extra classes and balance them with work and family responsibilities. The biggest challenge, and I know I am not alone in this, is learning multiple formats. Not only before re-launch times, which in the fall, had to come right at the beginning of the school year, but balancing older release reviews with learning new ones. Participants don't and simply cannot understand what we instructors go through to prepare for that one hour class.
That being said, I don't regret any of the craziness I have imposed upon myself. Truly. I am blessed, fortunate and so incredibly lucky to be doing what I am doing. I have a great full time job, one that gives me less joy on a daily basis, though, as education faces so many challenges and cut backs. This one, the one I choose to do, teaching fitness, gives me a different kind of joy. The joy of seeing the faces of my participants at the start of a class, anticipating the workout. The joy of seeing their faces, mid-class, as they are struggling, sweating, and yes, smiling, especially if I am being goofy or making a joke. The joy of their faces as they reach the end of a track, just BARELY, and this is not only in BodyPump, but CX and BodyFlow as well. The joy of seeing their faces as they smile, thank me, and leave class, feeling accomplished, tired and exhilarated. The feeling that I, as an instructor (and still a new one at that) have as people come up to thank me for a great class, or for challenging them. It really is a feeling like no other. It reminds me that I am here for a purpose, that I am meant to do this, in whatever capacity I can.
I finish this year, 2012, not actively teaching, as I needed to take some time off to heal some injuries. Another thing I have learned as I continue on this journey as a group fitness instructor, is that while I don't do this for ME, I do this for my participants, I have to remember to take care of ME. That is something that I haven't done very well this year, as since I don't make New Year's Resolutions, I will state that as my goal.
My goal for 2013 will be to take better care of ME. Physically and emotionally. Because right now, I am not there for my classes. I am trying to get into physical therapy to take care of pain. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have taught (other than a BodyFlow class I taught yesterday because I had no sub, which ended up being very therapeutic for me as well, which is why I LOVE THIS PROGRAM!) and it has been a very difficult 2 weeks. I am "off" for another 2 weeks and I hope to be able to get back to teaching through PT. I know in my "head" that I have to spend more time stretching, taking care of myself, which includes resting, in order to be there for my participants.
I find that I have become a bit complacent, working hard preparing for my classes, going to my job, taking care of my family, and need to find time to dedicate to caring for myself so that I can continue to do what I love - teaching Les Mills classes. I think that 2013 will be the year I add one more program......I know what it will be, but I can't divulge. However, I will not add another until I learn how to better manage the ones I have - and not at the expense of taking care of ME.
Probably for the first year since Dad died, I have been able to think of him today and not cry. I know that his health and his death are huge parts of what prompted me to make my major life change, and for that I thank him. It's been 5 years since he died and today would have been his 79th birthday. It is also the 2 year anniversary since I became a 24 Hour Fitness employee. Coincidence? Maybe. It's all connected.
Today I was able to go to a BodyFlow class as a participant and focus on me. I spent some time with Alex, my friend and a big part of my journey. The rest of the day was spent with my family, at the movies with them and my nieces and tonight, I have a big pot of chili going and we are spending it at home with Amanda and her family and I cannot be more thankful for my husband, my children, my family and friends.
I cannot wait to see what I write one year from tonight. This year will be the year Alexander graduates from high school and goes off to college. Cassie is growing more each day and developing quite the personality.
I remember these words I wrote on one of the earlier blogs. I am happy to say those words still ring true tonight. Happy New Year!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am a lucky woman, but also one that has rediscovered that I am not afraid of hard work, not afraid of putting myself out there. The only thing getting in the way was me, and I am not afraid anymore. Yes, I have frequent freak out moments. But I find it works for me. I need to voice the fear, feel reassurance, then face it head on and plow right through it. It takes hard work, consistency, drive, dedication, determination, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, teasing, embarrassment, pain, pain and more pain, but a whole lot of FUN FUN FUN. I don't think, looking back at the year, that I would trade any bit of what I went through. I don't think I would change or alter any of my experiences".
Here Comes 2013!!!!
2010: "And then, the biggest transformation of all. This year alone, even though I began almost three years ago, has been the most amazing year of all, in terms of personal, emotional, spiritual and physical growth for me. I've blogged about my journey before, but I can't help but replay 2010 over and over in my head because that is the year it actually STUCK. This past year feels like it was fast forwarded, because of how my life has done such a complete 180 since last January. Last January, I had lost 30 pounds but was not consistent with food and exercise and was just living my life as a wife, mom and teacher. Now, in December, I am an additional 30 pounds lighter, discovered a passion and desire for exercise and physical activity, began running, have run (okay, and walked) a half marathon, have made some new wonderful friends, trained to teach BodyPump and was just hired to be a group fitness instructor. HUH? Did I miss something? This is the stuff that happens over years and years. Not in just 12 short months."
2011: "It brings tears to my eyes to read my words, my sense of passion and determination. I feel no less at this moment. This year, 2011, truly WAS all those things above. This year WAS better than the last. It was the year that I truly put myself out there, as an instructor, a teacher, a mentor. I made so many mistakes, made so many bloopers, cried a ton of tears, stuck my foot in my mouth countless times, laughed at myself, kicked myself, tore some hair out, scratched my eyeballs out and then put them back, had others kick the crap out of me......and I am still standing. I am a better person for it, a better instructor. The incredible growth I have experienced in 12 short months ASTOUNDS me. Truly. I still have a long way to go to be the kind of instructor I want to be. But really? I look at my video from Feb 2011. I have come a long way. I am more confident and can handle the little roadbumps that are constantly in my way, just a little easier than I could a year ago."
Fast forward to 2012: I wrote in my Christmas letter last year that this was the year I hoped to add a program or two. Yes, it was a dream but I didn't really think I would have the time for it. Well, be careful what you put in writing, what you put out to the universe. This year surpassed the last two, not that they don't have merit, it's all part of my journey to a better me. It just keeps getting better and better. This IS the year I trained for not one, but two more Les Mills programs.
Probably the most instrumental training I have ever been through was AIM2. I went through this Advanced Instructor Module in March, flying to Seattle for the weekend. I met amazing people who have become friends and supporters. Working with world class trainers to help better my skills as an instructor, work that continues on daily. It was a turning point in my teaching, and even though at that point, I had no intention to actually add on any more programs, I believe it gave me the confidence to do so.
In April, I trained for CXWORX and passed on site. A 30 minute core program that is functional training at it's best. I didn't even have a place to teach the program, but I was encouraged to train and went through it with some amazing women. It was harder, in a different way, than BodyPump. It's amazing how much "easier" it is to go through something like this with friends and supporters. It also was amazing to me how I felt "seasoned" as an instructor next to others that were there for their first ever LM training.
As 24 Hour Fitness began turning their Super Sport locations into Premier clubs, adding more formats, it became clear that I would have the chance to teach CX there. I was fortunate to be asked to launch at these clubs, and am proud to have done so at each launch over the summer, beginning in San Jose on stage with Steve Renata, who is one of the originators of BodyPump. Then when I heard RPM was going to be coming, I thought I would add that program even though I am not a huge fan of indoor cycling. However, when I found out that BodyFlow, my secret love, was coming to San Mateo and Millbrae, that sealed the deal and in July I went through and passed that training. I believe I was meant to teach this program and have enjoyed every single moment of this new format.
I finished the summer launching in San Mateo and Mountain View in November. Probably the most exciting thing this year in terms of teaching is that I was able to expand my teaching from last December's 4 BodyPump classes to adding CX and BodyFlow, for 7 classes a week. Since August, I have had a dream schedule, one that is not without its challenges as I learn to manage the extra classes and balance them with work and family responsibilities. The biggest challenge, and I know I am not alone in this, is learning multiple formats. Not only before re-launch times, which in the fall, had to come right at the beginning of the school year, but balancing older release reviews with learning new ones. Participants don't and simply cannot understand what we instructors go through to prepare for that one hour class.
That being said, I don't regret any of the craziness I have imposed upon myself. Truly. I am blessed, fortunate and so incredibly lucky to be doing what I am doing. I have a great full time job, one that gives me less joy on a daily basis, though, as education faces so many challenges and cut backs. This one, the one I choose to do, teaching fitness, gives me a different kind of joy. The joy of seeing the faces of my participants at the start of a class, anticipating the workout. The joy of seeing their faces, mid-class, as they are struggling, sweating, and yes, smiling, especially if I am being goofy or making a joke. The joy of their faces as they reach the end of a track, just BARELY, and this is not only in BodyPump, but CX and BodyFlow as well. The joy of seeing their faces as they smile, thank me, and leave class, feeling accomplished, tired and exhilarated. The feeling that I, as an instructor (and still a new one at that) have as people come up to thank me for a great class, or for challenging them. It really is a feeling like no other. It reminds me that I am here for a purpose, that I am meant to do this, in whatever capacity I can.
I finish this year, 2012, not actively teaching, as I needed to take some time off to heal some injuries. Another thing I have learned as I continue on this journey as a group fitness instructor, is that while I don't do this for ME, I do this for my participants, I have to remember to take care of ME. That is something that I haven't done very well this year, as since I don't make New Year's Resolutions, I will state that as my goal.
My goal for 2013 will be to take better care of ME. Physically and emotionally. Because right now, I am not there for my classes. I am trying to get into physical therapy to take care of pain. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have taught (other than a BodyFlow class I taught yesterday because I had no sub, which ended up being very therapeutic for me as well, which is why I LOVE THIS PROGRAM!) and it has been a very difficult 2 weeks. I am "off" for another 2 weeks and I hope to be able to get back to teaching through PT. I know in my "head" that I have to spend more time stretching, taking care of myself, which includes resting, in order to be there for my participants.
I find that I have become a bit complacent, working hard preparing for my classes, going to my job, taking care of my family, and need to find time to dedicate to caring for myself so that I can continue to do what I love - teaching Les Mills classes. I think that 2013 will be the year I add one more program......I know what it will be, but I can't divulge. However, I will not add another until I learn how to better manage the ones I have - and not at the expense of taking care of ME.
Probably for the first year since Dad died, I have been able to think of him today and not cry. I know that his health and his death are huge parts of what prompted me to make my major life change, and for that I thank him. It's been 5 years since he died and today would have been his 79th birthday. It is also the 2 year anniversary since I became a 24 Hour Fitness employee. Coincidence? Maybe. It's all connected.
Today I was able to go to a BodyFlow class as a participant and focus on me. I spent some time with Alex, my friend and a big part of my journey. The rest of the day was spent with my family, at the movies with them and my nieces and tonight, I have a big pot of chili going and we are spending it at home with Amanda and her family and I cannot be more thankful for my husband, my children, my family and friends.
I cannot wait to see what I write one year from tonight. This year will be the year Alexander graduates from high school and goes off to college. Cassie is growing more each day and developing quite the personality.
I remember these words I wrote on one of the earlier blogs. I am happy to say those words still ring true tonight. Happy New Year!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am a lucky woman, but also one that has rediscovered that I am not afraid of hard work, not afraid of putting myself out there. The only thing getting in the way was me, and I am not afraid anymore. Yes, I have frequent freak out moments. But I find it works for me. I need to voice the fear, feel reassurance, then face it head on and plow right through it. It takes hard work, consistency, drive, dedication, determination, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, teasing, embarrassment, pain, pain and more pain, but a whole lot of FUN FUN FUN. I don't think, looking back at the year, that I would trade any bit of what I went through. I don't think I would change or alter any of my experiences".
Here Comes 2013!!!!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
The Eve Before My Life Forever Changed.....
After 11 years together with Franklin, with just the two of us, my life, in just a matter of hours, was about to change. FOREVER.....
18 years ago tonight, I was about to go to dinner with Franklin and his cousin Jose, a last meal of sorts, before I entered the hospital at 11:00 pm to be induced into labor. My child, my first, sex unknown, was a week late and showed no sign of wanting to enter the world. Sorry kid, we are going to force you to come out of that warm, comfy belly you've lived in for over 10 months!!!
We had dinner at Max's, and at 11:00, armed with pillows, a boom box, baggage, a bottle of champagne, and a myriad of other things that made it look seriously like we were moving in for good, we entered Sequoia Hospital, the same hospital where I myself was born 26 years before. I was settled in a private room, IV inserted, and was off to dream land....
I was woken up rudely about 7:00 am with sharp contractions. No one warned me that Pitocin, to induce labor, would bring on the pains sharp and hard. The rest of the day is a blur, but I do remember that over the course of the next 8 hours, I would be poked, prodded, etc. and only would progress to 2 centimeters dilated. The doctor informed me, after inserting a probe on the baby's head to monitor its heart rate, that because every time I had a contraction, the baby's heart rate went down, I would be heading for a c-section. At 4:00 pm, I didn't care anymore. I just wanted this kid out.
So both my doctor and her husband suited up, as well as Franklin and my mom (who showed up at the hospital in high heels and a nice dress to see her grandkid enter the world!) and at 4:22 pm, 6 lbs, 15 oz and 19 inches long, my first born son, Alexander Lorenzo Perez Herrera was born. The first moment I saw him, as they placed him near my head, was a drug induced stupor and what came out of my mouth was "His nostrils are HUGE!" I instantly fell in love with him, though. My little man.
I stayed in the hospital 4 days. It was hard learning how to breast feed him, trying to recover from major surgery, and all sorts of other issues, but we were ecstatic.
And tomorrow, on December 9, 2012, my baby celebrates his 18th birthday. What is in the plans? I go to teach BodyPump and BodyFlow, dad is off running the field for a soccer tournament and the birthday boy has homework and needs to film some footage for a video assignment that's due this week. Cassie and I spent a few hours today compiling a special surprise project to unveil tomorrow for him. In the evening, dinner at his favorite restaurant with our local family, 22 of us, and hopefully over Christmas, another celebration with our out of town family.
I simply can't believe it. 18 years. He is officially an adult. He is more independent than ever, driving himself everywhere, and I have been getting lots of practice letting him go. But he will never be far from my heart.
I am immensely proud of the man my son has become. I can't wait to see what's in store for this next chapter of his life.
18 years ago tonight, I was about to go to dinner with Franklin and his cousin Jose, a last meal of sorts, before I entered the hospital at 11:00 pm to be induced into labor. My child, my first, sex unknown, was a week late and showed no sign of wanting to enter the world. Sorry kid, we are going to force you to come out of that warm, comfy belly you've lived in for over 10 months!!!
We had dinner at Max's, and at 11:00, armed with pillows, a boom box, baggage, a bottle of champagne, and a myriad of other things that made it look seriously like we were moving in for good, we entered Sequoia Hospital, the same hospital where I myself was born 26 years before. I was settled in a private room, IV inserted, and was off to dream land....
I was woken up rudely about 7:00 am with sharp contractions. No one warned me that Pitocin, to induce labor, would bring on the pains sharp and hard. The rest of the day is a blur, but I do remember that over the course of the next 8 hours, I would be poked, prodded, etc. and only would progress to 2 centimeters dilated. The doctor informed me, after inserting a probe on the baby's head to monitor its heart rate, that because every time I had a contraction, the baby's heart rate went down, I would be heading for a c-section. At 4:00 pm, I didn't care anymore. I just wanted this kid out.
So both my doctor and her husband suited up, as well as Franklin and my mom (who showed up at the hospital in high heels and a nice dress to see her grandkid enter the world!) and at 4:22 pm, 6 lbs, 15 oz and 19 inches long, my first born son, Alexander Lorenzo Perez Herrera was born. The first moment I saw him, as they placed him near my head, was a drug induced stupor and what came out of my mouth was "His nostrils are HUGE!" I instantly fell in love with him, though. My little man.
I stayed in the hospital 4 days. It was hard learning how to breast feed him, trying to recover from major surgery, and all sorts of other issues, but we were ecstatic.
And tomorrow, on December 9, 2012, my baby celebrates his 18th birthday. What is in the plans? I go to teach BodyPump and BodyFlow, dad is off running the field for a soccer tournament and the birthday boy has homework and needs to film some footage for a video assignment that's due this week. Cassie and I spent a few hours today compiling a special surprise project to unveil tomorrow for him. In the evening, dinner at his favorite restaurant with our local family, 22 of us, and hopefully over Christmas, another celebration with our out of town family.
I simply can't believe it. 18 years. He is officially an adult. He is more independent than ever, driving himself everywhere, and I have been getting lots of practice letting him go. But he will never be far from my heart.
I am immensely proud of the man my son has become. I can't wait to see what's in store for this next chapter of his life.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
2 years and Going STRONG!!!!!!!
Two years ago today, on December 5, 2010, I completed day 3 of my Initial BodyPump training with a full pass! From just being a willing participant for two years, to actually being allowed to teach this amazing format! I accomplished something I never imagined, something I had only begun thinking could be a reality just 6 weeks prior to this. Little did I know, the real work, the real challenge, was just beginning........
It feels like its been a lot longer than 2 years. I truly believe this is what I was supposed to do with this second half of my life, to discover a love of fitness and to inspire people by showing them that it's never too late to change your life for the better. I began my journey at age 40. I became an instructor at age 42. It's been a long journey, one filled with sweat, determination, passion, tears, pain and laughter. It takes a village, and that is certainly the case with me. I did not do this alone, not even close.
From the ongoing support and encouragement of my husband, from day one until today, putting up with the doubt, the fears, the waffling back and forth, the gym time, the drama and tears of not feeling like I was good enough, and yes, all the small successes along the way. Undoubtedly, without you, I would not be where I am today. Thank you baby and I love you :)
The patience of my children to listen to the music over and over while practicing anywhere I could, until they were practicing with me, singing the songs (ok, this is only Cassie, who has an ear for music, pitch and tempo, and accepts that I will likely only play Les Mills music in the car EVER). I do enjoy and gets a kick out of hearing her sing LM songs! You two are the best kids I could ask for.
The willingness of my friends and new participants to endure class after class of the same release, multiple video tapings, iPod issues, choreography bloopers, and generally just ME, finding my way, day by day, bit by bit, class by class, as I discovered my own style, my own groove - too many to mention but you all know who you are! Thank you for being with me from the beginning, and if you joined more recently, thank you for coming and staying! A big THANKS for joining the gym in many cases just for BodyPump!
The support and constant pushing from Alex, my first instructor, now my dear friend, who mentored me during this entire journey and has never given up on me, putting up with my questions, my drama, and all the while never letting me beat myself up too much (not even a little bit!). Thank you for encouraging me to continually search for balance, to become a better instructor for my participants, taking advantage of the instructor trainings offered. Thank you for seeing something in me that I still at times have a hard time seeing myself. I never would be the instructor I am today without your knowledge, guidance, patience and support.
I have the love and support of so many people around me: family, friends, instructors, people in my classes.......I was thinking today about the concept of acceptance. This has always been so hard for me when it comes to how I look, how fit I "think" I am or not.
I am almost 45 years old. Less than 5 years ago, I made a decision to get healthy. Am I as thin, skinny, fit as I think I want to be? No. Am I as strong as I want to be? No. Am I eating as clean as I should be? No. Am I perfect? NO. And I think I am getting closer to the moment when I am okay with at. Acceptance.
See, it's not like I am giving up striving for perfection. I will never give up trying to improve myself. I think I am too competitive for that. But I think I am getting closer to the realization that I am not 21. Nor would I every want to be again. I am proud of my age, proud of the role model I try to be for my friends and participants who are middle aged. I think it's amazing that women, and men, my age and older can be fit and healthy. Doing it reasonably.
I know that ANYTHING I have to complain about when it comes to my fitness level is a direct result of what I do or don't do. I am not going to use age, lack of time, stress or pre-menopause as an excuse for not losing weight, for not having enough endurance. Every move I make, every move I can't make is a direct result of my training or lack thereof. It's a result of how I choose to fuel my body, and how I choose to move my body . There is no one to blame, to point my finger at, other than myself. And I am okay with that. Being responsible, that is. If I am not happy about something, then I need to take specific steps to change it.
How many times have I started over, how many times have I cut out a certain food, or made a goal? Countless times. It is a waste of time? Absolutely not. It is a journey, a process. It may be 5 steps forward, 2 steps back, but it's moving in a direction that I can live with. I'm feeling chunky again, and I know it's a result of eating too many carbs again. I know that breads rice and pasta don't like me. So yet again, I recommit to changing my food intake and my training because I know if I am not happy with how I feel or look, I need to make changes, even if it's difficult. I know what to eat. I just need to do it. I don't question if it's going to work because I've tried and it does. It's realizing and remembering that it's not what I eat this month that is going to help me achieve my fitness goals: it's what I eat and do the rest of the year that matters.
This is why it's unwise to make New Years Resolutions that start on Jan 1. If you are going to make a change, and you are truly ready, then in the words of Nike: JUST DO IT.
I went back to read my old blogs from late 2010, and then early in 2011 when I was a brand news instructor. It boggle my mind how things developed so rapidly, how I grew into this new lifestyle. I am laughing so hard at some of my early posts!
However, it's not the destination, it's the journey. We'd all be alot happier if we spent more time enjoying the process.
I'm thankful to still be enjoying my journey. The road is long, and I hope I never reach the end.
It feels like its been a lot longer than 2 years. I truly believe this is what I was supposed to do with this second half of my life, to discover a love of fitness and to inspire people by showing them that it's never too late to change your life for the better. I began my journey at age 40. I became an instructor at age 42. It's been a long journey, one filled with sweat, determination, passion, tears, pain and laughter. It takes a village, and that is certainly the case with me. I did not do this alone, not even close.
From the ongoing support and encouragement of my husband, from day one until today, putting up with the doubt, the fears, the waffling back and forth, the gym time, the drama and tears of not feeling like I was good enough, and yes, all the small successes along the way. Undoubtedly, without you, I would not be where I am today. Thank you baby and I love you :)
The patience of my children to listen to the music over and over while practicing anywhere I could, until they were practicing with me, singing the songs (ok, this is only Cassie, who has an ear for music, pitch and tempo, and accepts that I will likely only play Les Mills music in the car EVER). I do enjoy and gets a kick out of hearing her sing LM songs! You two are the best kids I could ask for.
The willingness of my friends and new participants to endure class after class of the same release, multiple video tapings, iPod issues, choreography bloopers, and generally just ME, finding my way, day by day, bit by bit, class by class, as I discovered my own style, my own groove - too many to mention but you all know who you are! Thank you for being with me from the beginning, and if you joined more recently, thank you for coming and staying! A big THANKS for joining the gym in many cases just for BodyPump!
The support and constant pushing from Alex, my first instructor, now my dear friend, who mentored me during this entire journey and has never given up on me, putting up with my questions, my drama, and all the while never letting me beat myself up too much (not even a little bit!). Thank you for encouraging me to continually search for balance, to become a better instructor for my participants, taking advantage of the instructor trainings offered. Thank you for seeing something in me that I still at times have a hard time seeing myself. I never would be the instructor I am today without your knowledge, guidance, patience and support.
I have the love and support of so many people around me: family, friends, instructors, people in my classes.......I was thinking today about the concept of acceptance. This has always been so hard for me when it comes to how I look, how fit I "think" I am or not.
I am almost 45 years old. Less than 5 years ago, I made a decision to get healthy. Am I as thin, skinny, fit as I think I want to be? No. Am I as strong as I want to be? No. Am I eating as clean as I should be? No. Am I perfect? NO. And I think I am getting closer to the moment when I am okay with at. Acceptance.
See, it's not like I am giving up striving for perfection. I will never give up trying to improve myself. I think I am too competitive for that. But I think I am getting closer to the realization that I am not 21. Nor would I every want to be again. I am proud of my age, proud of the role model I try to be for my friends and participants who are middle aged. I think it's amazing that women, and men, my age and older can be fit and healthy. Doing it reasonably.
I know that ANYTHING I have to complain about when it comes to my fitness level is a direct result of what I do or don't do. I am not going to use age, lack of time, stress or pre-menopause as an excuse for not losing weight, for not having enough endurance. Every move I make, every move I can't make is a direct result of my training or lack thereof. It's a result of how I choose to fuel my body, and how I choose to move my body . There is no one to blame, to point my finger at, other than myself. And I am okay with that. Being responsible, that is. If I am not happy about something, then I need to take specific steps to change it.
How many times have I started over, how many times have I cut out a certain food, or made a goal? Countless times. It is a waste of time? Absolutely not. It is a journey, a process. It may be 5 steps forward, 2 steps back, but it's moving in a direction that I can live with. I'm feeling chunky again, and I know it's a result of eating too many carbs again. I know that breads rice and pasta don't like me. So yet again, I recommit to changing my food intake and my training because I know if I am not happy with how I feel or look, I need to make changes, even if it's difficult. I know what to eat. I just need to do it. I don't question if it's going to work because I've tried and it does. It's realizing and remembering that it's not what I eat this month that is going to help me achieve my fitness goals: it's what I eat and do the rest of the year that matters.
This is why it's unwise to make New Years Resolutions that start on Jan 1. If you are going to make a change, and you are truly ready, then in the words of Nike: JUST DO IT.
I went back to read my old blogs from late 2010, and then early in 2011 when I was a brand news instructor. It boggle my mind how things developed so rapidly, how I grew into this new lifestyle. I am laughing so hard at some of my early posts!
However, it's not the destination, it's the journey. We'd all be alot happier if we spent more time enjoying the process.
I'm thankful to still be enjoying my journey. The road is long, and I hope I never reach the end.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Better and Better, Day by Day
At BodyFlow, that is. At learning choreography. At feeling the essence. I feel like I am finally starting to get it.....day by day.
It's been a crazy few weeks, with school pressures - knee deep in fall assessments and I got two new students this week. I am finally up to 29. One more spot. Today's student, however, came straight from Mexico and speaks not ONE iota of English. Poor baby cried when mom tried to leave him. I have not spoken so much Spanish in one day....ever, I think! I cannot imagine how it must feel to be dumped off into a completely foreign environment. At least he made friends quickly, with other student who speak Spanish, and by lunch he was comfortable enough to go with the yard duty ladies to eat. He adjusted amazingly quickly but I am going to have to pull out the Spanish in order for him to understand anything. Poor kid - stuck with me as his teacher, butchering his language....
Cassie had a great birthday party this past weekend, joint with Jasmine. 18 giggling, screaming girls......I'll take my 29 students anyday! But they had loads of fun and my baby was happy. That's all that matters.
I had the biggest compliment given to me after BodyFlow this past Sunday. I finished teaching, we did our relaxation/meditation, and as we were rolling up the yoga mats, a member called out a thank you to me and said in front of the class that I had the perfect voice! Two other members chimed in, and agreed that my voice is very calming and soothing. That's something I am always conscious of. I spend so much of my fitness teaching time in BodyPump, which is a very different feel - much stronger, more intense and motivating. I worry sometimes that I am not able to bring it down as I teach Flow. It is getting easier, and while the end of the class is very low key and soothing, the rest of the class actually is not. There are plenty of opportunities for me to bring out a bit more intensity, such as in the core abs and back tracks, and even the standing strength. But I am very aware of not having a "creepy yoga voice" and trying instead to be myself, just dialed down. It's something that people don't often think about, and not only do instructors (good ones) have to know their choreography internally and perfectly, they then have to layer in that coaching, that connecting and correcting of what they see in the room to help members be safe and get the most out of their workout, but they also have to motivate and drive when needed, and also, at least in Flow, allow the participants to seek internally what they need and can get out of the class. It's a delicate balance that I am just beginning to understand. It comes second nature with BodyPump. CXWorx is similar, even though I only teach one class a week, it's a bit more intense and I can dig deep and motivate. Then to completely shift gears to BodyFlow, all within a few minutes? It's interesting to begin a Tai Chi warmup while still dripping with sweat from an intense core workout! It takes me a bit of time to "come down" from that high and shift into Flow mode.
So to hear people tell me my voice is good for this program.....that means the world. It means that I am heading in the right direction. I was thinking tonight on the way home from the gym about my AIM2 experience, and remembering the instructors that were there for BodyFlow. I wish I had paid more attention to the feedback Josef gave Anne and the others, but I had NO intention of teaching Flow ever, so I didn't give it a second thought. I do know, though, that I am SO far away from that! In fact, I probably won't be ready for an AIM1 workshop for Flow for much longer than the 6 month minimum they say you should be teaching a program before doing an advanced workshop. I still need to work on physically being able to do the poses better before I do AIM. I still struggle daily with tight hip flexors, and right now my upper back is a mess, but I felt a glimmer of hope tonight.
I mixed up both releases, even though I now only teach whole releases because they are easier to keep in my brain. I only have 2 full flow releases under my belt, and even though I just received an older release and just ordered more through LM, I simply cannot learn an entire release right now. So I found a warm up that just resonated with me. I learned it super quick last night and LOVED teaching it today! I actually FELT graceful! I may not have looked it, but I sure felt it! It has opened up the possibility that maybe I can learn more tracks fairly easily, at least before the next round of new releases come out. I'll tackle a couple more for this weekend and see how it goes.
I'm loving BodyFlow. If I could teach it 3-4 times a week I'd be in heaven :)
It's been a crazy few weeks, with school pressures - knee deep in fall assessments and I got two new students this week. I am finally up to 29. One more spot. Today's student, however, came straight from Mexico and speaks not ONE iota of English. Poor baby cried when mom tried to leave him. I have not spoken so much Spanish in one day....ever, I think! I cannot imagine how it must feel to be dumped off into a completely foreign environment. At least he made friends quickly, with other student who speak Spanish, and by lunch he was comfortable enough to go with the yard duty ladies to eat. He adjusted amazingly quickly but I am going to have to pull out the Spanish in order for him to understand anything. Poor kid - stuck with me as his teacher, butchering his language....
Cassie had a great birthday party this past weekend, joint with Jasmine. 18 giggling, screaming girls......I'll take my 29 students anyday! But they had loads of fun and my baby was happy. That's all that matters.
I had the biggest compliment given to me after BodyFlow this past Sunday. I finished teaching, we did our relaxation/meditation, and as we were rolling up the yoga mats, a member called out a thank you to me and said in front of the class that I had the perfect voice! Two other members chimed in, and agreed that my voice is very calming and soothing. That's something I am always conscious of. I spend so much of my fitness teaching time in BodyPump, which is a very different feel - much stronger, more intense and motivating. I worry sometimes that I am not able to bring it down as I teach Flow. It is getting easier, and while the end of the class is very low key and soothing, the rest of the class actually is not. There are plenty of opportunities for me to bring out a bit more intensity, such as in the core abs and back tracks, and even the standing strength. But I am very aware of not having a "creepy yoga voice" and trying instead to be myself, just dialed down. It's something that people don't often think about, and not only do instructors (good ones) have to know their choreography internally and perfectly, they then have to layer in that coaching, that connecting and correcting of what they see in the room to help members be safe and get the most out of their workout, but they also have to motivate and drive when needed, and also, at least in Flow, allow the participants to seek internally what they need and can get out of the class. It's a delicate balance that I am just beginning to understand. It comes second nature with BodyPump. CXWorx is similar, even though I only teach one class a week, it's a bit more intense and I can dig deep and motivate. Then to completely shift gears to BodyFlow, all within a few minutes? It's interesting to begin a Tai Chi warmup while still dripping with sweat from an intense core workout! It takes me a bit of time to "come down" from that high and shift into Flow mode.
So to hear people tell me my voice is good for this program.....that means the world. It means that I am heading in the right direction. I was thinking tonight on the way home from the gym about my AIM2 experience, and remembering the instructors that were there for BodyFlow. I wish I had paid more attention to the feedback Josef gave Anne and the others, but I had NO intention of teaching Flow ever, so I didn't give it a second thought. I do know, though, that I am SO far away from that! In fact, I probably won't be ready for an AIM1 workshop for Flow for much longer than the 6 month minimum they say you should be teaching a program before doing an advanced workshop. I still need to work on physically being able to do the poses better before I do AIM. I still struggle daily with tight hip flexors, and right now my upper back is a mess, but I felt a glimmer of hope tonight.
I mixed up both releases, even though I now only teach whole releases because they are easier to keep in my brain. I only have 2 full flow releases under my belt, and even though I just received an older release and just ordered more through LM, I simply cannot learn an entire release right now. So I found a warm up that just resonated with me. I learned it super quick last night and LOVED teaching it today! I actually FELT graceful! I may not have looked it, but I sure felt it! It has opened up the possibility that maybe I can learn more tracks fairly easily, at least before the next round of new releases come out. I'll tackle a couple more for this weekend and see how it goes.
I'm loving BodyFlow. If I could teach it 3-4 times a week I'd be in heaven :)
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