Two years ago today, on December 5, 2010, I completed day 3 of my Initial BodyPump training with a full pass! From just being a willing participant for two years, to actually being allowed to teach this amazing format! I accomplished something I never imagined, something I had only begun thinking could be a reality just 6 weeks prior to this. Little did I know, the real work, the real challenge, was just beginning........
It feels like its been a lot longer than 2 years. I truly believe this is what I was supposed to do with this second half of my life, to discover a love of fitness and to inspire people by showing them that it's never too late to change your life for the better. I began my journey at age 40. I became an instructor at age 42. It's been a long journey, one filled with sweat, determination, passion, tears, pain and laughter. It takes a village, and that is certainly the case with me. I did not do this alone, not even close.
From the ongoing support and encouragement of my husband, from day one until today, putting up with the doubt, the fears, the waffling back and forth, the gym time, the drama and tears of not feeling like I was good enough, and yes, all the small successes along the way. Undoubtedly, without you, I would not be where I am today. Thank you baby and I love you :)
The patience of my children to listen to the music over and over while practicing anywhere I could, until they were practicing with me, singing the songs (ok, this is only Cassie, who has an ear for music, pitch and tempo, and accepts that I will likely only play Les Mills music in the car EVER). I do enjoy and gets a kick out of hearing her sing LM songs! You two are the best kids I could ask for.
The willingness of my friends and new participants to endure class after class of the same release, multiple video tapings, iPod issues, choreography bloopers, and generally just ME, finding my way, day by day, bit by bit, class by class, as I discovered my own style, my own groove - too many to mention but you all know who you are! Thank you for being with me from the beginning, and if you joined more recently, thank you for coming and staying! A big THANKS for joining the gym in many cases just for BodyPump!
The support and constant pushing from Alex, my first instructor, now my dear friend, who mentored me during this entire journey and has never given up on me, putting up with my questions, my drama, and all the while never letting me beat myself up too much (not even a little bit!). Thank you for encouraging me to continually search for balance, to become a better instructor for my participants, taking advantage of the instructor trainings offered. Thank you for seeing something in me that I still at times have a hard time seeing myself. I never would be the instructor I am today without your knowledge, guidance, patience and support.
I have the love and support of so many people around me: family, friends, instructors, people in my classes.......I was thinking today about the concept of acceptance. This has always been so hard for me when it comes to how I look, how fit I "think" I am or not.
I am almost 45 years old. Less than 5 years ago, I made a decision to get healthy. Am I as thin, skinny, fit as I think I want to be? No. Am I as strong as I want to be? No. Am I eating as clean as I should be? No. Am I perfect? NO. And I think I am getting closer to the moment when I am okay with at. Acceptance.
See, it's not like I am giving up striving for perfection. I will never give up trying to improve myself. I think I am too competitive for that. But I think I am getting closer to the realization that I am not 21. Nor would I every want to be again. I am proud of my age, proud of the role model I try to be for my friends and participants who are middle aged. I think it's amazing that women, and men, my age and older can be fit and healthy. Doing it reasonably.
I know that ANYTHING I have to complain about when it comes to my fitness level is a direct result of what I do or don't do. I am not going to use age, lack of time, stress or pre-menopause as an excuse for not losing weight, for not having enough endurance. Every move I make, every move I can't make is a direct result of my training or lack thereof. It's a result of how I choose to fuel my body, and how I choose to move my body . There is no one to blame, to point my finger at, other than myself. And I am okay with that. Being responsible, that is. If I am not happy about something, then I need to take specific steps to change it.
How many times have I started over, how many times have I cut out a certain food, or made a goal? Countless times. It is a waste of time? Absolutely not. It is a journey, a process. It may be 5 steps forward, 2 steps back, but it's moving in a direction that I can live with. I'm feeling chunky again, and I know it's a result of eating too many carbs again. I know that breads rice and pasta don't like me. So yet again, I recommit to changing my food intake and my training because I know if I am not happy with how I feel or look, I need to make changes, even if it's difficult. I know what to eat. I just need to do it. I don't question if it's going to work because I've tried and it does. It's realizing and remembering that it's not what I eat this month that is going to help me achieve my fitness goals: it's what I eat and do the rest of the year that matters.
This is why it's unwise to make New Years Resolutions that start on Jan 1. If you are going to make a change, and you are truly ready, then in the words of Nike: JUST DO IT.
I went back to read my old blogs from late 2010, and then early in 2011 when I was a brand news instructor. It boggle my mind how things developed so rapidly, how I grew into this new lifestyle. I am laughing so hard at some of my early posts!
However, it's not the destination, it's the journey. We'd all be alot happier if we spent more time enjoying the process.
I'm thankful to still be enjoying my journey. The road is long, and I hope I never reach the end.
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