Inspiration, Perspiration, Determination and "Perceptions"

I know, I know, I already posted these.  But I had to give props. Thanks to my childhood friend Rhonda, I now have an awesome Photoshopped side by side of my starting picture and my current picture.Not going to say before and after, as I am not at the end of my journey. So I am still a technology dope but good thing I know people who know things!!

I drove by myself to Modesto today for Jasmine's 4th birthday party, and had a lot of time to think about things over the 3+ hours.  Especially perceptions, or misconceptions.

The only way to get pictures on to my FaceBook photo album where I am chronicling my journey is to repost them. So I uploaded this photo again but had the thought that I hope people don't think I am "bragging" because that is so not what I am trying to do.

While I have more supporters than not, all along in my journey there have been the snide comments, the "joking", the praise given with a "tone", or the flat out nastiness. I have always been confused by this, and rather annoyed because while I don't expect people to fawn over me, why go through the trouble of complimenting me with an attitude? Why not just be happy? I don't even expect anyone to be proud of me, because I am doing this for me, and of course for my family, but I have found that in this case, a certain amount of selfishness comes into play because if you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself, who is going to do it for you? I don't want to have someone care for me because I didn't take the time or have enough self respect to do it myself. That was my dad, and he needed a lot of care in his later years. I don't resent him for it; it is what it is, or rather, it was what it was. Part of his journey and how he lived his life is what prompted me to begin my own journey; seeing how he was so helpless and dependent at the end of his life, plus me hitting 40, is all the impetus I needed to get going. And even then, it took a couple of years to get off the ground seriously for me.

I KNOW how hard it is; believe me. I am a self proclaimed procrastinator in a LOT of ways, even to this day. I KNOW that it is tough to begin something, I KNOW how busy people are. I KNOW how hard it is to find the support you need from those in your life in order to do some of the things I have been able to accomplish. It didn't happen overnight. There were growing pains within my own little family, with how busy we are, soccer especially, and in order for me to be able to follow through with my commitment to exercise, I had to have Franklin, Alexander and Cassie's unwavering support. Once they saw how serious I was about getting healthy, they adjusted.

There are roadblocks to any goal, to any journey. It is up to YOU to figure out how to go over them, go around them, or plow the hell THROUGH them. You have to want it bad enough. I hear so often "Oh I'm too old" or "the older you get, the harder it is". Okay, I do NOT buy the age crap; I am running with people who began running in their 40's and 50's. That excuse, to me, is just that: an excuse. I could buy the "the older I get the harder it is" line because yes, if you have not exercised or have ever been fit, or even if you have but let it go and are trying to get back to it, yes, the older we are, the harder we may have to work, but my God, I am proof that life doesn't end after 40!! I feel younger than I did 2 years ago; I am fitter than I was in my 20's. I cannot spend my time trying to convince people that it can be done. All I can do is do what I am doing and hope to inspire people with what I am doing and where I have been.

I suppose this is all getting to me because of carefully veiled comments to me about my results not being something that anyone can do. I am not special. I am not extraordinary. I am not Super Woman. I am an average person, a soccer mom, a teacher, a wife, and an almost 43 year old woman. All that I have done that might seem extraordinary is that I posted pictures that show a dramatic change from the Fat Kristy that people have known my entire life, and shown a picture of how I look now that does make it seem like a big deal. I mean, it IS a big deal, especially to me, but it is NOT something that others cannot do. But the desire has to be there, the determination has to come from within. It is not something someone else can tell you to do or even suggest. It has to come from within.

I am at a point in my journey where I want to help people, but I don't know how. I only know to keep posting about my journey and maybe it will inspire someone to make a change. I hear from so many people how I am inspiring them but I don't really KNOW what that is doing for them. Inspiration is nothing without perspiration, you know? I can be inspired about something, but unless I put that into action, what the hell good is it?

I feel like I want to do something to inspire people more actively but I just don't know how that looks yet. It will come to me. I firmly believe in things happening for a reason and I have never been able to lose weight and love exercise until now for a reason. This whole journey has made my confidence blossom. I have never felt as good inside and out as I do right now. This is a whole new feeling for me. I have never felt sexy or pretty. Sure, I was told by family members how pretty I was, if only I weren't so fat. Or how pretty my face was, if only I would lose weight. You'd think with those kind of comments, I would have lost it a long time ago. For the first time in my life, I feel good about myself. I am not done, I still think my legs and butt are too big, but I feel great and that is making me feel confident in clothes, when I walk, and I don't hate myself when I look in the mirror anymore. Maybe that sounds superficial, but it really IS how I feel inside. And that feeling is being projected on the outside.

Is this threatening to some? I don't know. I would hope not. I don't want any haters. I just want people to see that it CAN be done. It is not impossible. Anyone can do what I have done, what I am doing. But no one can do it for them. No one can tell you how to do it. I mean, who am I to give advice to anyone? I am no fitness professional. I have no training. I can only say what I have done, how I have done it, but everyone's journey is their own. I can't even go into detail here a phone call that Franklin got today from a friend who saw my pictures posted and warned him to "watch out" and not spend so much time on soccer. WTF?? Come on people. Just be happy. That says a lot about how this person perceives me and my intentions. Good lord.

When people ask me how I am doing it, it really does come down to exercise. I can now not obsess over my food because I continue to regularly exercise. I do need to fine tune it to continue firming up. Exercise. Finding something you love. I honestly and truly do not dread going to the gym, going for a run. This brings tears to my eyes right now because that is not the person I have ever been. How did I get here? I don't know. I just know that I found something I love to do, beginning with my Les Mills classes, then finding running. I am so completely sore from my classes with Alex last night, but I am so excited to get up tomorrow at 7am and run at 8am on a new trail in Woodside Hills. I still am in awe that I would rather do that than sleep in. Sometimes I don't know who this person is. I suppose I am the same person - on one hand, I have not had a lobotomy. But on the other hand, I am totally different.

I look back at blog entries from over the summer when I was so completely distraught at the thought of not having Les Mills classes. It was part of my journey and I am thankful to have worked through it with support and to come to realize that it is all about me; in terms of the work it took to get here. Yes, I have had the great fortune to have my mentors and people that inspire me, but my life didn't end (like it felt like) when LM went away. I found another physical outlet that was hard, so hard to begin, but with support from so many, I found something I could also love and that could give me confidence and results. Now I have LM back, to an extent, and I am feeling so much better, so much more well rounded, with things falling into place.

I guess I am just wishing people would truly be happy for me, which I know so many are, and that there is no place for envy; be happy, be inspired, be active, be loved........like me. Anyone can do it.

No excuses.

YAY!!!

10-28-2010 progress picture

The beginning... January 2008

I wish I could figure out how to format adding these pictures so they would end up side by side! I feel like a technical dork sometimes. Well, most of the time but I am sure getting the hang of my iPhone!!!

Today was a good day, personally but not professionally. I weighed myself for the first time since the week after the race. I had lost 6 pounds that week but put it on the next, which was just fine, I didn't really even feel it. Today I decided to check in, since I spent the day at a meeting yesterday, sitting on my butt and ate a bagel, half a sandwich, a salad and a cookie. I am down to 161!! 69 pounds lost over the last 2-1/2 years, and my "original" goal of 150 is only 11 pounds away! That is the number on my drivers license since high school, and I KNOW IT was a lie.......for many, many years. So to be this close.....wow. I am going to focus back on my diet a bit more, since I have been kinda eating what I want, within reason, and just exercising. I look at the pictures Janet took of me today and I have never felt so thin, even though my butt doesn't believe it, nor my thighs. I really just feel like I need to firm up, can't really see myself losing another 30 pounds. I think that would be too much. But again, I digress. I really am not scale focused. It is just really exciting to be at a weight that I am not embarrassed to share anymore. Sure, it's not 125 and I don't care. I am focusing on feeling good about myself, feeling good in my clothes, and getting more physically fit. I still have a ways to go and I am in no rush.

Halloween at school tomorrow. Ugh. I cannot stand the thought of another wasted day that I so desperately need to continue assessing my students because report cards are due in a week and a half. There is so much to test and they are not independent enough to work and let me test one on one.

Anyway, the bright part of tomorrow will be that Beki, a woman from the old gym and I are heading up to SF to take Body Combat and Body Pump with Alex and we are so excited!! I am missing the old classes and more so, the expertise that goes along with my old instructors..........Kick my butt Alex!!!

Getting back to it

Amanda and I after 5 miles in the rain!!

Had a great time visiting with my niece Amanda for the last few days. She lives in Reno and we don't get to see each other that often. She is the one who took me on my first 1 mile torture run back in June!!

Since we have decided together to run the Santa Cruz 1/2 Marathon on April 10, 2011, we took this chance to go for a run yesterday. In the rain. It was SO hard to wake up, knowing that I was running on too little sleep, it was raining, and it was my only day with nothing really planned. Having two people waiting for you pushes you to get your ass out of bed! If it were up to me, I would have turned off the alarm and gone back to sleep. Well, I am glad I didn't do that!

First thing on my mind was that I have no winter running gear. Nada. Even my pants are capris. So I need to scrape up some $$ and buy something. Steph brought along her water resistant jacket for me. Harumph! yeah right. That thing didn't resist anything. Thank goodness I wore my hat - it kept the wind and rain off my eyes so I could see. I don't know how Amanda did it, wearing big sweat pants that probably added 20 pounds to her by the time we were finished!

I was wary of running, as I had not for exactly 3 weeks since the race. And the night before, I was up coughing and throwing up AGAIN. Think I now have to go have that chest x-ray this week because while the cough is better, and the vomiting hadn't happened for a week, it still lingers and so I need to figure out what is going on with me.

Had to walk a bit more than I wanted, and the sleeting rain and wind made it tough at times, but it was FUN FUN FUN to run in the RAIN!! Felt like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to! I was sore, so was Steph, because of Body Pump and Kickboxing the day before, but it wasn't till afterward that I really felt it!

After we finished our 5 miles, hit Starbucks (of course), then I had to take Amanda back to mom's, vacuumed her house for her, took Alexander and picked up his friend Carlos and took them both to  the field for the tournament the team was running, then I finally got to go home and shower - 1-1/2 hours later!!! It's a wonder I didn't catch pneumonia!! That hot shower, was the BEST I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!!

The rest of the day was spent under a blanket, watching Halloween movies with Cassie, napping, texting and FaceBooking, and just resting. Felt so good to not have to do anything the rest of the day!

As far as my next goal is concerned, I have been talking to a friend in Germany, got some great tips and information, and am going to take it slow. I have a ways to go fitness wise before I feel strong enough physically to pursue what I want, and I am in no rush. I have a desire to reach out and help others with their journeys, share my experience, and need to figure out what exactly that looks like and what my next steps are. I wish there were a way to share with people what I have gone through, counsel them with what worked for me, share experiences and inspire them.  A fellow teacher told me today that a parent of hers was sharing with her how she is struggling with her weight and diet and this teacher told her about me and now this parent wants to schedule an appointment with me!! Huh?? What am I supposed to do with that?

Having the Santa Cruz 1/2 to train for will help. I just will not give up my BP classes for this - I missed it too much and I will find a way to cross train more effectively this time, do more yoga, more strength, run and become a more well rounded "athlete".

I am blessed to have so many family and friends, both in the fitness realm and out, that are willing to support me with advice and love. If I don't respond immediately to your wonderful emails, please know that they are all being read and I just need time to sit and compose a response that does your emails justice!!

You all contribute to my happiness more than you know.....and I hope you all know how much I love you!!!                                                                                                                                                                

Hmmmm....a new Goal, perhaps??

I am officially a 24 Hour Fitness member. I have been to the gym 3 times now, taking my beloved Body Pump classes. Now, they are not the same. How could they be?? The instructors are nowhere NEAR the caliber that I am used to. I see now that Alex, Kimi, Amy, Willi and Jozi are a breed of their own. Or maybe not, and these instructors are the exception. Either way, I am happy to be "fluent" enough in BP to hold my own in class - I know what weights to choose, I know the form, the directions. So even if Rosa is monotone, and her music is not nearly loud enough for my taste, or that there is no ENERGY in the room, I am happy to be doing what I love, and that is taking the class that helped transform my body. I thought it was that she was new, but she is not. She has taught in PA at the YMCA.The Saturday instructor is better, Kristin, she is louder, has more energy, and keeps you going. So all is not lost.

I went into Crunch last week and there was a sub for the weights class. HORRIBLE. Yes, I was incredibly sore for the next 4 days but it's because I know my weights. She was a terrible instructor. So even though I saw the old gang, or most of them, for some weird reason I felt like I did not fit in. It was nice to be welcomed back by them, since I haven't seen them but twice in the last 3 months, but I felt out of place. Like I have moved on.

So I did. I walked into 24 hour and saw Debbie, from the old gym. Nice to see her. Tonight, Jeniffer came and signed up. It's coming together. But while it was nice to see familiar faces, I am okay with a new crowd, a new gym, a new challenge. Now if I could get better instructors :)

I have a new goal brewing in my mind....the funny thing is that Franklin suggested it and it is something I have been thinking about for a very long time. The last week has caused this thought to come foremost in my mind. I cannot say what it is because in my mind, I still don't think I can do it, it seems unattainable. I also cannot mention it to my fitness friends because of the risk of ....I don't know. I just have to turn it around in my mind and get to a level in my own fitness that would make me more confident to possibly even entertain this idea.  I still have a long way to go. Maybe it's the in between now that is making me mull this over.....the race is over, I have no real concrete goal planned. Maybe I just need to commit to something to keep me motivated. I just wish I had the confidence to commit to this particular thing.

For now, I will savor the goal in my head...turn it over and over.....dream a little dream......maybe create a new dream board to help things along.

And off to bed. Can't seem to get my ass out of bed on time and going to bed this late isn't helping. *SIGH*

The Power of Writing and EMOTIONS

I have to be REALLY careful what I put in writing. I forget sometimes how truly powerful it is. I say this because I went back and looked at my entry from a few days ago, where I wrote my fears about this event:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*oversleeping
*getting sick
*getting food poisoning
*stepping on something and spraining something
*getting the runs and/or throwing up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, in retrospect, a few hours before the race I threw up.........check!
And in the two days since the race, I have had #2, #3, #5. CHECK CHECK CHECK!!!

Gah. Next time I have to remember NOT to write down my fears, but my desired outcomes. Another lesson learned!

Today I went back to work even though my stomach is still uneasy. I will most likely never again eat at a little taqueria, at least not the meat, and especially if I witness the food drowning in grease. I want to puke just thinking about it. I am getting tired of soup and crackers.

I walked into the staff room this morning and Janet was standing by the white board and she grinned as she pointed at what she and Jeanett had done for me - posted a couple of pics from the race, with the words above, "Congratulations Kristy on completing your 1st 1/2 Marathon! 13.1 miles" I was so flattered!! I also found out that another teacher, Luz, had come to the finish line to support me but she never found me, and didn't have any of our phone numbers :(

At lunch Jeanett shared the pictures she took with me and she showed me one of Franklin, Alexander and Cassie, on Franklin's shoulders, with the balloons and flowers, looking to the left for me to approach the finish line. I started crying, because that was literally a snapshot moment in my memory that I thought would only exist in my mind, as fleeting as it was because I just waved to them as I ran by, makes me tear up as I write this. Now I have that vision of the three most important people in my life supporting me on something I worked so hard to accomplish, and I get to cherish that image forever. *sniff sniff*

I have to mention something about emotions. I suppose if you have never been a part of an endurance event like this or some major sporting event, or have even witnessed it, you won't be able to relate. Or maybe you are just not emotional, like me. I have no idea what that is like.  Jeanett and I were talking about how emotional the whole thing was. She said that she was tearing up just watching the myriad of people working their way to the finish line, the different ages, sizes, couples, families (two children with their older father holding hands up), friends. She saw a man who was blind running with someone attached to him leading him in. (and, LOL, he BEAT ME!!!)

Franklin also mentioned to me that for a long time before I even approached the finish zone, he had tears running down his face because it was so incredibly inspirational. He saw people crying, in pain, struggling, smiling, handicapped, healthy, from all walks of life and he said it really inspired him to do something himself. When I saw my family on the sidelines, I cried. When I went over the finish line and started walking, I was crying. When I got through the runner's zone and met up with my family again, I cried. I cried because they KNOW how hard I have worked to accomplish something like this, something I NEVER thought I would ever attempt, never even fathomed in my dreams. I cried because I would never have even believed I could do something remotely like this, 68 pounds and 2 years ago. I cried not because I was in pain (which of course I was), but because I made it and they were all there for me, before, during and especially after. I cried because I ran for my dad and he was not here to tell me how proud he was of me.

A friend said to me the other day, as I told her about how we had cried, how Franklin had cried, and she was a bit incredulous that he did. She said "Franklin cried? Why did he cry?" and for some reason, it really bothered me that she didn't understand how emotional this whole thing was. Then I realized that it's not her fault, I guess you had to have been there to feel the emotion, to witness the determination, the intensity, the pain and struggling from so many, to feel the sheer energy of 12,000 people all in one event, for 12,000 different reasons, all going for one common goal. It was so amazingly powerful from so many levels. I am so honored that I was able to be a part of it, to experience it. I will never have an experience like that, exactly like that, ever again. I will never again have my 1st 1/2 marathon. Which is why I am so determined to write down every memory, every emotion because face it, I'm getting up there and the mind will be the first to go :)

What an awesome day it was. *sniff sniff*

3:23:59

About to Cross the Finish Line

Not the time I was shooting for, but I have said all along I just wanted to finish, not go for a certain time. I just figured that 3 hours would do it. And I would have made it....except for some issues along the way........

Now for a blow by blow. Gotta remember every moment of this day...

Woke up at 3:30am in the morning, had a coughing fit that had me gagging and running to the bathroom to throw up. I kept thinking "WTF???!! This better not be anything other than nerves or just the coughing!" Went to bed and woke at 5:00 am, ate my hard boiled egg white and some oatmeal, drank some water, got ready. I was ready early, trying not to feel nervous, but I felt ready. Woke up Franklin, kissed him goodbye with the strict warning not to oversleep and went outside to wait for James, Bob and Steph to pick me up. I was too antsy to wait outside my condo so I walked out to the street and stuck a thumb out as they pulled up in the dark. Changed into my SMS team shirt and we were off!

Bob's wife owns a building in downtown San Jose where we were going to park the car so we were able to get up in the office building and use the bathroom and chill for a bit before going out to the street. Even before 7am, the streets were teeming with volunteers setting up the water stations, and runners. at 7:20 we went down and joined the crowd. I was amazed at the number of runners out there RUNNING to warm up! Of course, those were probably the ones that flew past me at mile 5 on their way back to the finish line!

We found our corral (I was originally in #11 out of 12 based on my estimated finish time but I switched to Steph, Marga and Maha's corral of #7), then Steph and I walked a couple of blocks to look for the gear check because we both had our swag bags with a few things (mine only had my long sleeved shirt and the duct tape and marker) but Steph had brought flip flops (oh how I missed them) and a change of clothes for the concert after. I didn't even THINK of changing my clothes after, just figured we'd hang as is. Oh well.

A pit stop and then back to the corral. Tons of people were now all around, the lines to the thousands of outhouses long, and that was one thing I was really concerned about, the condition of the port-a-potties. I had visions of disgusting things all over the seat as I really needed to use one. Steph has told me stories. I just prayed I would get a clean one :/

In the corral the energy was electric; people stretching, hugging hello, waiting nervously. I was so excited to begin. We finally found Marga and Maha, and thankfully Maha had a camera and took a couple of pre-race photos, which she tagged me in FB so I'm happy to have those since I was feeling a bit naked without my iPhone. The National Anthem was sung, and we were off! Since we were in corral 7, the crowd began by walking toward the starting line, but it only took 2 minutes for us to get there and then we were off! I have always been used to walking for 1/2 a mile to warm up but didn't have that luxury because the entire crowd started running so I had to. Right away I could feel my chest acting up, from the violent coughing  and puking from earlier. My cough hasn't gotten any better, but usually only bothers me at night but I was fatigued almost immediately. I thought "Crap this isn't good" so before we even got to the 1 mile mark I had to walk for a bit.

the first 2 miles were actually harder than I thought, for some reason. I think it's because I was running with the flow of the crowd, then running with Steph, and that always kinda messes me up because even though it's not fast, it's at a pace that is not as comfortable for me and I seem to do better when she runs ahead of me and I can get in my groove and plug along longer. I do get that with the race, and all the runners, it was easy to get caught up in the flow. So I think I started out at a pace faster than I was accustomed to. I learned quickly to stay to the right and hug the cars, almost, so that runners could pass me. I did fall into the trap of getting a little bummed that so many people were passing me up, when I knew full well  I was in this for me and not to compete with anyone. I guess the competitive part of me was bothered by that fact, even though I was a newbie and there was no way I could expect to perform at the level of so many others.

The first 3 miles were through a pretty poor part of town, run down houses and older schools. There were bands at about each mile marker and so I would have to pause my iPod so that I wouldn't miss my music but also so I could hear the bands. Some were good, some were crappy, but there were people all along the streets, either sitting outside their houses watching and banging on instruments, or actual little cheerleaders in uniform and pom poms giving high fives, school bands, people with signs at corners, all calling out encouraging things like "You can do it, you look great, GO!" It was pretty cool. Lots of little kids with signs for their mommy or daddy.

We ran back through downtown around the starting point again, past the HP Pavilion. I was lost at this point (well not really because you just follow the crowd) but I don't really know downtown San Jose so I had no sense of where I was. I think around 6 or 7 we were in a really nice area of San Jose, big houses with huge front lawns and porches, people out sitting in their robes drinking coffee and mimosas!! There was one band around mile 7 in the nice neighborhood that was playing a Tom Jones song (Kiss, which is SO much better when Prince does it) but anyway, it kinda cracked me up that the band in the ritzy area was not the hard core rock band but the one doing Tom Jones!!! Probably strategically placed!

Right when we got to mile 8 I felt a twinge of a charley horse, first in the left calf then in the right and had to stop and stretch. For whatever reason, that sent me bursting into tears. I had been feeling some hip flexor pain for about a mile or so and that, coupled with the potential leg cramp, just did me in. Steph tried to be light, telling me "There's no CRYING IN RUNNING!!" but here we go, the second time on a run that I lose it. Oh well. The stretching held the cramps off so we walked a bit. In fact, I walked more than I wanted to between 7-9, running in bursts as my hip would allow, but I didn't stop and stretch after the calves because I knew I would start to stiffen up and just wanted to walk it out.

At about mile 9 I had to stretch those calves again and there was a lady wearing the green RnR shirt and she commented how hard it was and we were almost there. I think she was by herself. We exchanged encouraging words and then kept going.

Mile 10 came up and I remember thinking that soon, at 10.5, I would finally be going farther than I have ever gone, and that was exciting, but I knew Steph wanted me to run non-stop the last mile so I was worried because more body parts started hurting. Now it was my feet, which have NEVER hurt (other than my heel but never during a run), my hip flexor, and both knees were talking to me. At about 10.5, Coach James came running back to us. He had finished in 1:33 and as a Team in Training Coach, put on the purple coach jersey and came backwards to run in members of his team. So he came with me and Steph. Now, I told him he could go because at this point I was walking because of the pain, but he was so nice and encouraged me and kept walking with us. I literally walked 10-12, with bursts of slow running, which I DIDN'T want to do but I knew I could not run the last 1.1 mile if I didn't try to conserve some energy. Actually, my endurance was fine, it was the pain I was feeling that prevented me from running.

Up until mile 9 or so, my time was averaging around a 14 minute mile. God, so slow. The walking from 10-12 added so much time, but what could I do? Maybe the next event, I will have progressed with my training to the point where I can walk less. Up to this point, I was listening to the playlist I made for the event. Franklin had had fun the night before adding songs for me, and kept adding classics like Adam Ant, B-52's and Voice of the Beehive. What struck me, as I worked myself up in my mind to begin running at the 12 mile marker, was that the instant I passed that point, Franklin's portion of the list began: Adam Ant's Goody Two Shoes. The timing of his songs, plus the moment that I knew there was no turning back, kinda momentus.

I began my running from 12-13.1. Steph was on one side of me, and Coach James on the other. I had to comment to him that I was running (ok, who am I kidding, jogging) at the same pace that he was walking! So embarrassing but I couldn't do any more than that. At several points along the race course, different cheerleading squads were cheering with pom poms and high fives for the runners. Pretty soon after we passed the 12 mile marker, there was a double line of cheerleaders (can't remember what school) for the runners to run through and get high fives. I was in the middle of the road but when I saw them, I cut to the right so I could run through them and get some high fives and motivation to keep going. I didn't know this at the time, but in James' blog after the race, he gave me a shout out and said that when I ran through that line of cheerleaders, my pace doubled and gave me an extra burst of energy.

James kept talking to me through that last stretch, telling me to look ahead because after we turned right at the next corner, then left, the finish line was up ahead. "See those white tents? You're almost there! That's the finish line!" For some reason that really kept me going, knowing how close I was to the end.

And it was the weirdest sensation - after 12 miles of running, walking and struggling, that last 1.1 mile actually was the shortest. At least it felt like it. It was the hardest, in terms of how I was feeling, but it seemed to go by so quickly that I was taken by surprise. After we rounded the last curve, and saw the 13 mile marker, James waved us off and went to the right. The last home stretch was a straight shot, and I just kept plugging away. I heard my name called out and I saw James and his wife Reesa on the right side, waving at me and yelling how great I was doing. I didn't even see James make his way to the sidelines. That was a nice boost.The music playing was a very loud "Celebration" and Steph moved me from the middle of the road to the left because that's where the camera was at the finish. I had already started to get emotional and teary at this point, and as we were running, I heard "Baby!" and looked off to the left, saw Cassie on Franklin's shoulders with balloons and flowers, and I waved, cried harder, and kept going. The lady in the green that had stayed pretty much with us since mile 9 or so was right next to us but Franklin said after we passed them, I went in front of her. Janet and Jeanett were on the other side of the road and when Franklin yelled at them that I was coming, they looked but we ran right past them and they didn't see us go by! We approached the finish line, I didn't even see the time on the clock because it was so unimportant. I remember putting my arms in the air for the camera (which is the picture at the top of this blog) and then Steph grabbed one hand and we ran together over the finish line. In watching the finish line video, which is not worth buying for the 5 seconds you see me, I turned and even before I high fived Steph, I turned around and high fived the lady in green. Now I wish I had gotten her name at least; I felt a bond with her as we ran the last few tough miles together. Oh well.

Immediately after we crossed, there was an ice station but there were a ton of people there. We grabbed ice cold bottles of water before working our way through the secure runner's zone. First, people were putting the medals around the runner's necks. Then, people were there taking pictures in front of a RnR background, passing out bags of Wheat Thins, which we tore open and started eating. I was feeling a little sick to my stomach at that point, I was so hungry. The next ice station we came to I stopped at and I could have had ice over my entire body but settled to have ice wrapped on my hip flexor, which was an interesting place to try to tie a bag of ice. The EMT wrapped it so tight around my thigh that I had trouble walking and by the time we made it to the family reunion area I had to rip it off. Steph and I left the ice station and kept walking, people were there with Odwalla bars, more Wheat Thins, etc. and after grabbing a couple of each, we got to the end and I saw Franklin, Alexander and Cassie on the left. Big hugs were given, and Franklin and I just were so teary. He told me how proud he was of me, Alex gave me a big hug and Cassie, a little bent out of shape that she was not the center of attention, made sure I knew that she picked out the balloons and the flowers!

We walked to the letter H and met up with Janet and Jeanett. Jeanett was sick and I was so amazed that she came out to cheer me on. I was so happy to see them both, they have been so supportive of me through this whole journey. We posed for pictures, with the Hoover gang, then me and Steph, and then me and my family. I was feeling the pain now, for sure. Steph and I had to walk about three blocks to the area where we left our gear bags so we left them and did that and then came back, said goodbye to Janet and Jeanett and then made our way to the beer station for our free beer (gave mine to Franklin, since I don't drink and why would I want a beer after all that running?)

The Blues Travelers had started playing by that point, and Cassie hates the loud music, plus I was starving, feeling quite nauseous by this point and in some desperate need of ice by this point. We ran into James and Reesa so Steph decided to stay with them for the concert and we headed to the car. Once I got to the car, I retrieved my iPhone from Alexander, who had been MORE than happy to keep it for me all morning and saw I missed a call and a text from Pam, who was there at mile 13 but didn't see me pass by! We had already driven off by the time we connected so we turned around and met her in the parking lot where she parked her car. I was blown away that she came all the way out to cheer me on! And then I felt bad that I didn't connect with her on the course, but so happy that I did before we left.  I am so blessed to have so many people that care for me and support me :) Alexander got a fairly decent video of me running past them to the finish line. So cool that he thought to do that for his mom :)

We left Pam and headed home. Well, we headed to the soccer field because what is a day without soccer in my family? Franklin had to drop some player cards off at the field, and as Cassie and I waited in the van, she had to go to the bathroom and of course I was already stiffer than anything but I dragged my butt out of the car because what are you gonna do? I tried to call Franklin but he left his phone in the car and by the time we got out of the bathroom, I WAS DONE. I needed to go home so badly and I was so irritated that he was watching the game from the sidelines. I yelled at Alexander to come on, Cassie was whining because she wanted me to take her to the playground, but I didn't even think I could watch her play. I just needed to go home.

We finally left and I immediately got in the shower, came out to ice and it felt sooooo good. Alex had to go for the quince practice so Franklin left to take him to Union City and we decided to go out to dinner so I could rest for the afternoon. I ate a little leftover pizza, iced, stretched, watched tv and tried to sleep, but Cassie would have none of it and kept waking me up after a few minutes of snoozing. When Franklin finally got home, I laid down again but couldn't sleep.

We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner, with Alexander and his friend Maynor and unfortunately my steak was too fatty but I ate a sweet potato and a salad and 3 yummy rolls and enjoyed every one! I usually don't eat the bread, but after burning 2200 calories on that one event I earned it!! In fact, my day's total was 4000 calories and 35,000 steps - a personal record :)

I weighed myself on the morning of the run, and again today (Tuesday) and I have lost 6 pounds! Crazy. Of course, I have been having some issues........Sunday afternoon, whether it was my system acting up after the run but I was sick to my stomach for a couple of hours. Was fine at dinner and on Monday.

Monday I had a well deserved spa day, with a hot tub and massage in Santa Cruz, which was wonderful. Lunch after was not so great, because we ate at a taqueria and I ordered a carne asada tostada and when I picked it up to eat, it was swimming in grease. I knew better than to eat it, but tried to sop it up with napkins and was so hungry that I ate most of it. Big mistake. Then we went for ice cream before we headed home, and I haven't eaten full fat ice cream in forever. Big mistake #2. Tasted good at the time.

By the time I got home, I was cramping and spent a good deal of the rest of the night in the bathroom. I didn't know if it was the food, if I caught the stomach flu or if it was post race stomach sensitivity. Ended up calling Lynne to come again for me today because I didn't think I would make it. This morning, I finally vomited and sure enough, my undigested lunch was in front of me. No wonder I felt like crap. So I learned another thing the hard way - do not eat food that you are unaccustomed to. The grease did me in. I don't think I will be able to ever eat in a little greasy taqueria ever again. Yuck. Spent all of today on the couch, sleeping, barely eating anything because the oatmeal I ate at breakfast gave me pains. Drank a ton of water. Feeling better tonight so I guess it's back to school tomorrow. Have a raging headache, though. Still coughing so that may be it.


Whew. This was an incredible journey for me, and it feels strange, sad, bittersweet. Like it's all over but I know it's not because my journey will never be over. I need to set the next goal, whether it's another 1/2 marathon, or a focused goal to get back to Body Pump, or some other goal. I cannot believe it's over, so it's not. It's a new direction, a new focus, a new road to travel. And I am excited!!

Ready as I will EVER be!!!!

Damn it. If I could figure out how to get the pictures of my iPhone 4 to my computer, then I would post here the goofy pics I took today at the Expo I figured out how to get them onto FaceBook but in iTunes, can only see how I put pictures from the computer onto my phone, not vice versa. Probably so easy but I am a bit stupid right now!

I am sooooo excited now for tomorrow! I was awake half the night last night, writing my blog in my head, woke up at 5:30 am, went back to sleep, really getting nervous about tomorrow.

Franklin and the kids dropped me off before 10am at Nob Hill where we were going to carpool to the Expo at 11am. Gave me time to get coffee and oatmeal, sat and played with my phone. Met a new team member, Maja, who was incredibly nice and supportive and loved the "newness" of me and gave me great tips. There were 8 of us that went to the Expo, picked up our bibs, race day packets, shirt (got myself a large, out of habit, well really I would have gotten a 2x but figured a large would be fine, and what do you know? the damn thing is too big) Now I have to drag it with me tomorrow to exchange for a medium! It's green, but I was going to wear my lucky purple shirt but the whole team will be wearing their blue SMS shirts (Steph will loan me an extra since James has yet to get one for  me) so I am kinda bummed about not wearing my purple, but as Steph (now to be known to me as Pumpkin Spice, for her red hair, love of pumpkin which she can't eat anymore) pointed out, I am a part of the team (SMS is for Still Making Strides, an offshoot group of James' original Team in Training group) and they all helped to train me, and they are all wearing the blue shirts with black bottoms, so I will go with the flow. I am also told I have to put DUCT tape across my chest with my name in marker so people can yell and cheer for me as I run past. WTH?? Since I am new, I will just go with the flow. We had a nice lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday, I met Marga's sister and got to know James' wife Reesa.

BUT THE COOLEST thing is I ordered (yes, for me, the virgin marathoner, I HAD to do it) a shadow box at the Expo (for a bleeping $140!!) but it will have my finish line photo, another medal, an engraved plate with my name, finish time and 1st 1/2 marathon, and it is SOOOOO cool! Have to have something to commemorate this event. Oh I also bought a new hat with San Jose Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon 2010 on it. After going today, and seeing all the runners, all types, shapes, sizes, ages, and feeling the energy and excitement, I am so pumped for tomorrow! I am still a bit nervous but I am determined to do a bit of relaxing tonight and try not to think about tomorrow so my stomach stays calm. Just read in Runner's World about the "trots", good god, please that will not happen to me. Gross.

I was thinking in my sleep last night and at various points today:

**9 weeks of training has brought me to this point. I am still a bit in awe that I am now perceived, at least to the rest of the team, as a "runner". Maybe at approximately 11:00 am tomorrow I will truly believe that as well.
**I am the same weight I was 9 weeks ago but look and feel leaner than before. Cool.
**I am already planning and thinking about the next 1/2 marathon. Hmm, I knew I would probably do a couple a year, but there are so many cool ones coming up! And if I do 2 or more Rock N Roll's in a calendar year, you get extra cool medals. There's a Kaiser 1/2 in SF in February that is supposed to be beautiful, the Santa Cruz 1/2 in April, the Wharf to Wharf in July, the Disney 1/2 Labor Day weekend, the team talked about the RnR in Providence in early August, or Savannah in early September...this San Jose one again same time next year....and on and on.
**I think I will need to have something to focus on in terms of a future goal to keep myself motivated and running. I am going to check out 24 hour fitness and their Body Pump classes (YAYAYAYAYAYAY!) but want to keep running. I never had a "goal" when I was exercising before, so it is interesting to me that I feel a need to plan for the next 1/2  when I haven't even run THIS one yet.....

We are now leaving earlier than planned, but I will be picked up at home so I need to be ready to go at 6:15. Have to wake up at 5am, Body Glide every inch of my body (hahaha) make sure I eat, empty the coffers, etc. and be ready. I need to go to bed early and hope I can get to sleep.

Gotta cook although I am not hungry....pasta on the agenda, want to take a hot bath, stretch and roll, watch Glee that I didn't finish last week, and I actually started reading Runners World but then put it down so that I don't think about running, and will just BE for the rest of the night.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH so excited. There. I got it out. AAAAAHHHHHHH can't wait!!!!

This one is for you, Dad. I'm using my legs because you were not able to for so many of your last years on this earth. Even though you are not here, I will be carrying a dime somewhere on me during the run, just for you.