~~~In the ZONE~~~

I finally entered the "ZONE". I remember getting in the zone during Body Combat.....I could hear Alex's voice, his commands and directions, but I was unable to focus on anything by my vision in the mirror an the moves of my body.

Last night on my run, I experienced my runner's "ZONE". Stephanie was sick and although I asked if I should just run on the treadmill, she said I should go run with the others. I reluctantly went on the run with Bob and Marguerita, not because I don't like them, but because I am still in my comfort zone running with Steph as moral support every step, right beside me. The others are so much more advanced and I feel guilty holding them back with my tortoise-like- pace. They assure me it's okay, but I am not at the point where I completely believe them! The last time I ran with them, even though they ran a bit ahead of me, they checked back and waited for me at each stop light, etc. At the final stretch, they ran ahead and I felt very alone, running by myself.

So last night I was dreading it a bit. Franklin and Cassie dropped me off at Nob Hill and met Bob and Marguerita, then went off to Marlin Park to pick up Eric and wait until I was finished at 7:30. We would run right through the park, say hi and then run back to the strip mall for a 3.5 mile loop. We started off, and usually Steph and I walk to the stop light, so we warmed up a bit (about .25 miles). Then we crossed the street and started running, and I have been able to run from that stoplight to the first stoplight non stop for a few runs. That is .5 miles. So we ran, and of course I was a bit behind them, and we got to Marlin Park. I saw Cassie riding her bike, took her to the bathroom with me, and then we took off again. I told Franklin as I ran off to meet me at the starting point at 7:30.

We started running from the beginning of the soccer field, and usually I can run from there, past the tennis courts to the street. The others were in front of me, so I ran behind them and when I got to the street, thought I would just keep going. I rounded the corner, and thought that I would just go to the first corner and then walk across the street. I kept running. Then I thought I would get to the next corner, which is where I would turn right and begin the home stretch (about 3-4 long blocks) before the shopping center. Well, each corner I would get to, I would think to myself that I would stop and walk across, then continue. I just never stopped. I kept amazing myself by running across the street, and then once I got to the next corner, would think, well, why not keep going to the next corner. So I did. Till I reached the stoplight, cursed it because it was red, then lo and behold, it turned green for me to cross, so I did and kept going to the starting point. It was such a strange feeling. I was running, at my own slow pace, and while nothing hurt on my body, I had for so long trained myself to just get to the next corner, and without Steph there to push me, all of a sudden I was pushing myself. Normally I would continue to hit the same landmarks and walk. I started having this conversation with myself, not even in my head, but actually out loud "Can you make it to the stop sign? Sure you can! Keep running! Get across the street, don't stop! Can you make it to the next corner? YES! Do it! Can you get to the end? YES!" and so on , talking to myself. I must have gotten some strange looks, this crazy, sweaty woman talking to herself while running.

The strange thing is I usually rely on others to push me, to motivate me, to coach me. Yes, I am the one doing the work but there is always someone egging me on, encouraging me, whether in the gym or on the streets. Last night, it was ME egging me on. And it felt so cool. I have been thinking I could do this 1/2 marathon, set that goal, hoped I could do it. I am still SO FAR away from 13 miles. But last night when I made it to the starting point, I actually BELIEVED I could do it. I went back today and tracked it with my car, and as near as I can figure, I ran a FULL MILE without stopping, without anyone pushing me to do it. It was such a high, knowing that I did it ALL ON MY OWN. Wow. So cool. May not sound like much, just 1 mile, to experienced runners, but it was only my 6th run ever, and for me, a mile non-stop is a bloody miracle.

Then my runner's high was shot down as I waited for Franklin and Cassie to pick me up. We made it back to the store at 7:35, just 5 minutes past when I told him to be there. So I'm waiting. Stretching. Sent the others home because I was certain he would be there any minute. Waiting. It's getting cold, I'm cooling off. I'm freezing. I'm pacing. I go into Nob Hill to get warm. I had left my phone, $$ in the car because I didn't run with my belt, just carried a small water with me to see if it made a difference on my back. I couldn't call. I felt completely stranded.

He pulls up at 8:05. A full 30 minutes past when I told him to be there. At this point, I am so LIVID because I had also gone through a period of being truly concerned that something happened, and I here I am without my phone, and a young child who wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her daddy, etc etc etc. So I go from worry to being fully pissed and when he finally pulls up, I am shaking with anger and cannot even speak. Eric and Kevin were with him and I couldn't even acknowledge them. Franklin tries to blame Cassie, saying she didn't want to leave the park, and she says "No Mommy, it was Daddy's fault, he was talking too much!" I haven't been that furious at him in a long time. We picked up Alex from the other soccer field and went to eat pupusas, my favorite. By that time, I was in serious pain - I was having some kind of gas pains, I guess, and my belly hurt so bad that I couldn't even eat. I drank a 7 up, the bubbles helped, but I don't know if it was from running (never felt that) or all the anger built up in me from after my run. All I know is that I will never have him drop me off for a run again - he lost track of time talking soccer and kept profusely apologizing to me, but I will never be left stranded and helpless again. It sucked. I told him if he were late getting to the finish line at my marathon, that would be IT.

Today I got one big project done - the bedroom. Cleaned, dusted, and went through all of Cassie's clothes, got bags to donate, and rearranged furniture. Vacuumed the whole house, did dishes, some laundry, had a mammogram, and made Franklin take me out to eat pupusas again, since I was never able to eat last night.

Tomorrow maybe I can tackle the toys. Get into the "de-clutter ZONE". I would be so happy to get there.