Reduced to tears.....AGAIN :-/

I had every intention of sitting down tonight to blog about more fitness things;  my newfound love for cxworx, the new Les Mills GRIT classes I've experienced the last two weekends that pushed me beyond my physical and emotional limits.....but then my son, not 20 minutes ago, goes to the mail box and brings inside his senior portrait proofs. All things fitness related went out the window.

I just finished having a fairly hysterical emotional breakdown at the sight of my son, my firstborn, in his cap and gown, in his tuxedo, looking unrealistically mature, adult and so FREAKING handsome, and it just immediately sent tears down my face. He will be 18 in two months. Where did time go? Where did my baby go? When did he grow up? When did he start making his own physical therapy appointments and driving himself to them? When did he begin to take initiative and start filling out college applications, sending emails to prospective college soccer coaches, making appointments at Notre Dame to meet with the coaches and come away with the local university being in his top 5? When did he......where did he......why did he.......

He's a man. He may still need me, when he negotiates "hey mom, if you buy me this pair of shoes, I'll pay for my senior jersey?" or some other monetary thing he needs from me. I drive his jeep on the weekends if he and his dad are taking the van to a soccer tournament and he actually tells me not to forget to put gas in his tank, when he has yet to shell out any of his own money for gas. He's making his own lunches now (thank goodness) and doing the dishes daily so I don't have to. He still smart mouths me and since I gave him his birthday present early (a laptop for this year and for college) he better learn to hold his tongue a bit more or I've got myself a new toy :)

He's still a kid in so many ways, but way too quickly, he's demonstrating he is responsible, independent and mature. I suppose he will figure out how to feed himself when he goes away to college, and I know he can do his laundry, but when I look at the framed picture on the wall of him at preschool graduation, in his blue cap and gown, age 5, and hold up his senior portrait, in his orange cap and gown, age 17-1/2.....well, let the hysterics ensue.

I sure hope I get this out of my system in the next 8 months. For his sake and mine. I already drive my family a bit insane with my fitness craziness before a launch. Cassie was almost in tears because for a brief moment, my attention was focused solely on her brother and not on her. She adjusted and brought me a box of tissues and told me my makeup was smeared. At least I didn't have anything in my teeth.

I'm such an emotional wreck these last couple of weeks. This was the topper. Let's hope things calm down. SOON. I don't know how much more I can handle.