@%&**#@^*>@<#<$%<^<^&&**

I spewed every curse word in the book tonight. I SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT.....5 STUPID LOUSY DAYS BEFORE THE BIGGEST FITNESS EVENT I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE AND NOW THIS????!!!!!!

MY FRIGGIN KNEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now whether or not this is race week stupid hormonal emotional drama messing with my head or real pain but I had been looking forward all day to running tonight, even in the heat. By 6:30 it had cooled to 94 with a breeze and felt pretty good. Steph and I walked our customary 1/4 mile to the stop light and then took off across the street.

Not 1/2 a mile later, I felt a twinge of pain in my left knee along the front (a new pain) and then we had to stop because we found an ID badge (the kind that you have to swipe to get into a building) so we ran over to the nearest building to see if we could drop it off with security so they could call the guy that dropped it. So by this time, the pain is getting worse, and by the time we began to run back to the street, I had to stop. CRAP!! I couldn't walk without limping. This is a new pain, one I don't understand because I didn't twist, feel a pop, or do anything to warrant the sharp pain I was feeling.

I was GREAT on Sunday. I ran over rocks, tree branches, leaves, roots.  I was FINE yesterday. My knees were not bothering me at all. Only my shins and ankles and heel, from the trail run. So WTH????!!!!

When I told Steph the only thing I could think of was that I wore my sandally flip flops to work today, she looked at me dumbstruck and said "I thought we were not going to wear shoes without support on run days!!!" Well, damn, it was too hot to wear closed toe shoes like I did yesterday, and I simply forgot. This is the only thing  I can think of. The last time I wore sandals, then put on my running shoes, I had some other pain, I can't remember what it was now.

The last time we ran on a Tuesday (2 weeks ago, since last week I was sick) I had the shooting pain in my butt and we had to walk. So is this ALL IN MY HEAD??? What is going on?? This CANNOT BE happening! I only have 5 days. I am SO freaking out right now. I kept my cool as I dropped Steph off at her house, but she made a comment like "It's like God is trying to tell you something because things keep coming up about this race" and I said "YOU STOP IT RIGHT THERE! Nothing is going to stop me from running this race! I have visualized this for too long, pictured myself crossing that finish line."

UGH I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff, or on a ledge somewhere and someone better come talk me off of it because this simply cannot happen. I feel the frustration bubbling up inside of me and I am afraid of what it's going to look like when it pops out of me. Is it my age? I can't be too old to run this. I know several people doing it that are older than me. My knees have gotten better since I started running.

I WILL run on Sunday. I will NOT have pain. I WILL FEEL GREAT and finish this event because I deserve it and I CAN do it. I have to keep telling myself this.

But right now I'm crying tears of frustration because I am so incredibly freaked out about not being able to do it. Why? Now?