Stephanie has decided to embarrass me by running ahead of me at the "finish line" and cheer me in - less ridiculous on a trail than outside the grocery store! And as she did it, an older gentleman started cheering for me too! Totally embarrassing! She says I have to get used to it because in the marathon people will be cheering. I so cannot get used to that right now!
I cannot even express how good I felt knowing that we went farther this time than the last, and that my endurance was better. I stretched longer, could feel that damned left butt muscle tightening up as I ran. Seriously, since I "broke" it a couple of months ago in Combat with the shoots, my butt has never been the same. I still can't get over the different muscles that are sore, like yesterday and today, both my shins and the tops of my feet. Franklin had to massage my shins yesterday, and today they are still sore. My cousin Karin, who has been runner since high school suggested I get a supplement called Amino Vital, which has amino acids that help to rebuild muscles and reduce the lactic acid that builds up during exercise. She swears that I wouldn't be sore the next day. I have spent a ton of time trying to find it and finally took a trip to Sports Basement and they are very knowledgeable and helped talk me through different supplements, how to hydrate and what to take during runs, before, after.....I swear it's like getting a freaking degree in something, the amount of stuff I have to learn. When Stephanie took me last week to Road Runner Sports, she started on the nutritional aspect and I had to stop her because my brain couldn't take it all, after all the clothes and gear I got. So now, she lent me a book called Food Guide for Marathoners which is helping to sort all this out for me. The scary thing is that the whole book talks about carbo loading and it freaks me out because I have been steering away from too many carbs, although I do have to eat more the more I work out. With preparing for a marathon, though, eating enough carbs is really important so I'm just afraid to gain back some of the weight I've lost. I'm sure the running will help, but I can't help be afraid of how this will affect my progress. The book talks about eating more calories to help fuel your body to be able to sustain the runs; I guess I have to just trust the process, and as long as the carbs I am eating are good and complex and not crap, then it'll all balance out in the end. I'll just have to see. It is scary though. The nutritional aspect is one that has been on my mind for awhile, though, so I know it's the missing piece and once I figure out what works for my body, watch the rest of the flab melt awaaaay........
Today at work I spent alot of time talking to our former office manager, (who has started an exercise routine at the YMCA because she says I motivated her!) who couldn't stop gushing over my progress. I still have a hard time with all the praise. I know I see a difference in my body and how I feel; I forget that people who haven't seen me in a long time will see a more noticeable difference. It is really strange how exuberant some people's reactions are, it is wonderful but kind of embarrassing because I am still not comfortable with the attention. And when people ask me what I'm doing, they seem skeptical when I say "exercise", like there is some magical formula that I follow. It truly was the exercise that did it. Yes, the food is part of it, but by exercising and LOVING it, the food choices that I make changed because I became more aware of my body, how hard I was working, and I didn't want to negate what I just worked so hard to burn. For me, it's simple. And it just clicked back in January. I get that it is not that for everyone, everyone's process is different. But it HAS to be from within. I can't push anyone, or expect anyone to push someone else, or nag, or even plead. If you are not ready, then no amount of cajoling will make you do it. If it feels like a chore, or something that SHOULD be done, then I feel like it won't be kept up. At least for me. I got to the point where I loved working out, and it was the group fitness classes that did it for me. For others, maybe it's Zumba (sorry Alex!) or maybe it's a step class, or walking outside. Once you find activity that you enjoy and look forward to, then it all makes sense. At least that's been my experience. Which is why people don't get why I am so hooked on my Les Mills classes. Thank goodness I got my Body Pump fix on Saturday with Amy. She is really good, but it was so strange for it not to be with Alex, Kimi or Willi. The familiarity of the routine was soothing to me; and it will be strange for tomorrow, Tuesday, to come and for me not to go off to Combat and Pump with Alex, and to go run instead. I am excited about training; but 2-1/2 years of a regular Tuesday workout is sure to be missed :(
I was reminded by Stephanie yesterday how blessed we both are to have loving supportive husbands who cheer us on......I was reminded again tonight by Sandi the same thing about her husband. These guys love us no matter how bitchy we are, how heavy and out of shape we are, and tell us we are hot, sexy and beautiful either way. Yes, there are growing pains, at least in my relationship. There are insecurities to deal with, a sense of confidence in me coming out that can appear to be the start of moving in a different direction, when that really isn't the case. I came home yesterday after my run, and did something I should really do more often, but take for granted: I told Franklin how thankful I am that he supports me, loves me and cheers me on. I told him how I could not do it without him; because no matter how much I complain that he is gone and involved in soccer, I do think he gets how passionate I am about exercise now; he shares that passion about soccer. He does take it to the extreme, but he does it out of love for these kids, many who would be on the streets if they didn't have a team to play on.
I talk to so many women, from the checker at Lucky yesterday (who gushed over me, embarrassingly) to people at school, to women at the gym, and there is a common thread - they don't have time, they don't have the support at home, they are too tired, too much to do, etc. etc. I really am lucky that I have found the "secret" - making ME a priority. This doesn't mean my kids aren't important; this doesn't mean my husband isn't important. It means that I put ME first, in order to have ME around longer for all of THEM. Women share with me how they get home and they are too tired, or they have to cook dinner. I share that I pack my gym bag the night before and make sure it gets in my car in the morning; how I plan which days I will work out, which classes I will take, and let everyone know my plan so that the kids are taken care of. I am not at the point where I cook on Sunday for all meals for the week - puh-lease!! I'm lucky if I've gone to the grocery store and have food in the house to pack for my lunch the next day. Luckily my mom will cook on the nights she selflessly watches Cassie so I can work out. I don't think you can do this without a support system. Sometimes things come up - people know that it would take an emergency for me to miss a workout. I think that's the difference. I make my workouts, my exercise time a PRIORITY and everyone knows it. I have only missed a couple, for being injured or sick or a holiday. And I think it's because I love it so much now that it is easy to make it a priority and for people to understand that it is a priority for me. I don't make excuses anymore. Because it is something that feeds me, feeds my soul and finding the right exercise is what fueled that love for me. I don't make excuses because I know what this does for me. I've got my groove on, and it's changing, and it's okay. I had settled in to a routine, and I was so unwilling to change it because I loved it. I still do, but I am growing "up" now and realizing it's okay to love more than one thing, more than one class. I may really get to love this running thing, and will go back to my classes at every opportunity, but I feel like I am growing because I am open to something else that may be just as effective for me and my body; I'm meeting new people, discovering a "club" that many of my friends belong to but I just joined.
It's exciting to grow up.
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