Go Mommy, Go Mommy!!

I love my daughter. She absolutely rocks. We went to Gilroy Gardens on Wednesday and spent the day, even her big brother came along and was such a good sport about the day, taking her on rides and taking a picture with Clifford! We walked all day, and then we left and Alexander asked to stop by the outlets to buy some shorts. As we were leaving the outlets, we drove by a Lane Bryant and I said, "I will never have to shop there EVER again!" and Cassie, in her little 4 year old voice, starts chanting, "Go Mommy! Go Mommy!" with her fists in the air. That put such a silly grin on my face, I can't even say. We all started laughing. I cannot wait to see her at the finish line of my 1/2 marathon. It makes me teary to think that I am instilling in her something very powerful. I don't mean that just because I am running this marathon that she should be proud of me. I mean that I am showing her, by example, that exercise is good for you, makes you healthy and strong, that a woman can challenge herself to do things that others may not believe possible, that things that are tough and at times difficult can be so rewarding when you achieve them. Alexander, in his way, is also supportive of my quest to get healthy. He goads me, bugs me, tells me he is stronger than me. But he understands if I miss a soccer game because I have a training run scheduled (tomorrow) or that I am beginning to understand his passion for soccer, since I now have a passion for exercise. I am also grateful that I am showing him, in a different way than Cassie (since he is older, and a MALE) that anyone can change their lives when they have will, determination, consistency, support and excitement. I am almost more excited to see his reaction at the finish line than anyone. He told me he hopes I don't cry, because that would be embarrassing. I just wonder what will be going through his mind when he sees his old mom finish something that she is training so hard for. Hmmmmm. I have many years to lead by example with Cassie. I only have a few more left with my boy at home. *sigh*

All the walking at Gilroy Gardens aggravated my hip flexor and by the time we were driving home (me with all the energy, driving again, with the entire van snoring) and it was throbbing, spasming and shooting down my thigh. I iced it when we got home, as I was limping in the grocery store. I went to a restorative yoga class on Thursday, hoping to stretch it out  and be ready to run Thursday night but I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to do it. By 5pm I felt good enough to do it, knowing that I would walk it out if I had to. I didn't want to push it, yet I didn't want to miss a day of training with so few weeks to go.

The run went well. Stephanie was unable to come, but I ran with Bob and Marguerita, who has run many marathons in the past. I really did  miss Steph. It's different because she knows me, and is so supportive. The other were definitely supportive, and patient, even though at the end they did take off and ran ahead of me. I felt so slow.  But I did 3.3 miles again, and although it felt like a struggle at the beginning, I did it. I am starting to freak a bit because there are only 9 weeks left and I am only up to 3-4 miles. The plan is to increase each Sunday 1 mile, so that way, I will be up to 13 by the marathon. We will keep the weekday runs shorter, as recovery I guess. I do need to get some strength training in. I missed the last official Body Pump class today with Kimi and Amy. Alexander got kicked in the thigh during his first tournament game, a "dead leg" and I had to get him home and ice and stretch, and that made me too late to get to class. Oh well, I was mostly bummed because I can already feel my muscles getting softer without my beloved weight training :)

Tomorrow we are shooting for 5 miles, Sawyer Camp Trail again, I'm so looking forward to it. I know I can do it, I just hope I can run more and walk less. I know I have to be mindful of my hip, and keep stretching. I am going to, for the next two weeks, get regular yoga in on my rest days from running. When school is back in, it will be harder, I may have to go to a yoga class that I am not thrilled about, but I am determined to be consistent because when I am back in the school crap and craziness, I know that it will be even more crucial. I refuse to let work get in the way of my goal, which is to remain consistent, train hard and be ready for this challenge. Work will not take priority, even though I know it pays the bills.It's going to be so challenging, with 30 kids, no support, new administration, I don't even want to think about it. I was telling Erin today that I think this marathon is going to be what saves me at work. Having that to focus on will help with the stress of the beginning of the school year.

I have 3 days to work next week, then finally a chunk of time off. Only 1-1/2 weeks. Sad. Next year I have to seriously re-think summer school. If I didn't need the money so bad I wouldn't have done it. Oh well.

Off to watch a soccer game. Not my kid's but that's where the boys are so if I want to see them, it's where I gotta go. Go Mommy!!



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Getting a Groove On

This was taken at the mile 2 marker, run #2 was at Crystal Springs, Sawyer Camp Trail. We started at 8am and it was a cool crisp morning. Clear, beautiful day. I tried an electrolyte drink called Accelerade and drank some before and during the run. I don't know if it was that, but I was able to run longer between having to walk. I can't believe that on my second run my endurance would have improved that much. We went to the 2 mile marker and stretched a bit because my right hip flexor (notoriously tight) was bugging me so we stretched, saw a couple of baby deer, one that came right up to us (about 5 feet away) before running off. Stephanie was so funny, she told me she had a surprise for me when we were on our first 2 miles, and I thought she was going to tell me that she would let me walk, but lo and behold, we turned the corner and she announced that I had just run 1/2 a mile without stopping! That was huge for me, given that 3 days before I couldn't run 100 feet it seemed before I had to walk! I ended up running for longer stretches of time before walking, and we did 4 miles total.

Stephanie has decided to embarrass me by running ahead of me at the "finish line" and cheer me in - less ridiculous on a trail than outside the grocery store! And as she did it, an older gentleman started cheering for me too! Totally embarrassing! She says I have to get used to it because in the marathon people will be cheering. I so cannot get used to that right now!

I cannot even express how good I felt knowing that we went farther this time than the last, and that my endurance was better. I stretched longer, could feel that damned left butt muscle tightening up as I ran. Seriously, since I "broke" it a couple of months ago in Combat with the shoots, my butt has never been the same. I still can't get over the different muscles that are sore, like yesterday and today, both my shins and the tops of my feet. Franklin had to massage my shins yesterday, and today they are still sore. My cousin Karin, who has been  runner since high school suggested I get a supplement called Amino Vital, which has amino acids that help to rebuild muscles and reduce the lactic acid that builds up during exercise. She swears that I wouldn't be sore the next day. I have spent a ton of time trying to find it and finally took a trip to Sports Basement and they are very knowledgeable and helped talk me through different supplements, how to hydrate and what to take during runs, before, after.....I swear it's like getting a freaking degree in something, the amount of stuff I have to learn. When Stephanie took me last week to Road Runner Sports, she started on the nutritional aspect and I had to stop her because my brain couldn't take it all, after all the clothes and gear I got. So now, she lent me a book called Food Guide for Marathoners which is helping to sort all this out for me. The scary thing is that the whole book talks about carbo loading and it freaks me out because I have been steering away from too many carbs, although I do have to eat more the more I work out. With preparing for a marathon, though, eating enough carbs is really important so I'm just afraid to gain back some of the weight I've lost. I'm sure the running will help, but I can't help be afraid of how this will affect my progress. The book talks about eating more calories to help fuel your body to be able to sustain the runs; I guess I have to just trust the process, and as long as the carbs I am eating are good and complex and not crap, then it'll all balance out in the end. I'll just have to see. It is scary though. The nutritional aspect is one that has been on my mind for awhile, though, so I know it's the missing piece and once I figure out what works for my body, watch the rest of the flab melt awaaaay........

Today at work I spent alot of time talking to our former office manager, (who has started an exercise routine at the YMCA because she says I motivated her!) who couldn't stop gushing over my progress. I still have a hard time with all the praise. I know I see a difference in my body and how I feel; I forget that people who haven't seen me in a long time will see a more noticeable difference. It is really strange how exuberant some people's reactions are, it is wonderful but kind of embarrassing because I am still not comfortable with the attention. And when people ask me what I'm doing, they seem skeptical when I say "exercise", like there is some magical formula that I follow. It truly was the exercise that did it. Yes, the food is part of it, but by exercising and LOVING it, the food choices that I make changed because I became more aware of my body, how hard I was working, and I didn't want to negate what I just worked so hard to burn. For me, it's simple. And it just clicked back in January. I get that it is not that for everyone, everyone's process is different. But it HAS to be from within. I can't push anyone, or expect anyone to push someone else, or nag, or even plead. If you are not ready, then no amount of cajoling will make you  do it. If it feels like a chore, or something that SHOULD be done, then I feel like it won't be kept up. At least for me. I got to the point where I loved working out, and it was the group fitness classes that did it for me. For others, maybe it's Zumba (sorry Alex!) or maybe it's a step class, or walking outside. Once you find activity that you enjoy and look forward to, then it all makes sense. At least that's been my experience. Which is why people don't get why I am so hooked on my Les Mills classes. Thank goodness I got my Body  Pump fix on Saturday with Amy. She is really good, but it was so strange for it not to be with Alex, Kimi or Willi. The familiarity of the routine was soothing to me; and it will be strange for tomorrow, Tuesday, to come and for me not to go off to Combat and Pump with Alex, and to go run instead. I am excited about training; but 2-1/2 years of a regular Tuesday workout is sure to be missed :(

I was reminded by Stephanie yesterday how blessed we both are to have loving supportive husbands who cheer us on......I was reminded again tonight by Sandi the same thing about her husband. These guys love us no matter how bitchy we are, how heavy and out of shape we are, and tell us we are hot, sexy and beautiful either way. Yes, there are growing pains, at least in my relationship. There are insecurities to deal with, a sense of confidence in me coming out that can appear to be the start of moving in a different direction, when that really isn't the case. I came home yesterday after my run, and did something I should really do more often, but take for granted: I told Franklin how thankful I am that he supports me, loves me and cheers me on. I told him how I could not do it without him; because no matter how much I complain that he is gone and involved in soccer, I do think he gets how passionate I am about exercise now; he shares that passion about soccer. He does take it to the extreme, but he does it out of love for these kids, many who would be on the streets if they didn't have a team to play on.

I talk to so many women, from the checker at Lucky yesterday (who gushed over me, embarrassingly) to people at school, to women at the gym, and there is a common thread - they don't have time, they don't have the support at home, they are too tired, too much to do, etc. etc. I really am lucky that I have found the "secret" - making ME a priority. This doesn't mean my kids aren't important; this doesn't mean my husband isn't important. It means that I put ME first, in order to have ME around longer for all of THEM. Women share with me how they get home and they are too tired, or they have to cook dinner. I share that I pack my gym bag the night before and make sure it gets in my car in the morning; how I plan which days I will work out, which classes I will take, and let everyone know my plan so that the kids are taken care of. I am not at the  point where I cook on Sunday for all meals for the week - puh-lease!! I'm lucky if I've gone to the grocery store and have food in the house to pack for my lunch the next day. Luckily my  mom will cook on the nights she selflessly watches Cassie so I can work out. I don't think you can do this without a support system. Sometimes things come up - people know that it would take an emergency for me to miss a workout. I think that's the difference. I make my workouts, my exercise time a PRIORITY and everyone knows it. I have only missed a couple, for being injured or sick or a holiday. And I think it's because I love it so much now that it is easy to make it a priority and for people to understand that it is a priority for me. I don't make excuses anymore. Because it is something that feeds me, feeds my soul and finding the right exercise is what fueled that love for me. I don't make excuses because I know what this does for me. I've got my groove on, and it's changing, and it's okay. I had settled in to a routine, and I was so unwilling to change it because I loved it. I still do, but I am growing "up" now and realizing it's okay to love more than one thing, more than one class. I may really get to love this running thing, and will go back to my classes at every opportunity, but I feel like I am growing because I am open to something else that may be just as effective for me and my body; I'm meeting new people, discovering a "club" that many of my friends belong to but I just joined.

It's exciting to grow up.

Get Ready to Run!!

First training run 7-22-10

Earlier  today,I felt so strange. Sick to my stomach, my knees started to ache, I had a headache and I actually cried. Nerves for my first run tonight. Had to be talked off my ledge. As excited as I was, I was terrified that I would embarrass myself, trip, hold Stephanie back from running at her pace, etc. etc. So many people have been encouraging me, and I really didn't think about disappointing anyone but myself. I really appreciated all the feedback and support I have been getting so far. But I was still freaked out.

I showed up at our meeting place and discovered Stephanie and I would be running alone, the others in the group were somewhere else doing stairs. Dodged THAT bullet, for sure. Steph was clear about it being about me tonight, to see how I did, where I was in my fitness level, no music, she wanted to make sure I could talk to her. We began with walking about .25 miles, then began a slow jog. Christ, my endurance is crap when it comes to running. I felt like I had run only 100 feet before I had to stop! We were running in Redwood Shores, around the lagoons, by Oracle, through Marlin Park, around the neighborhoods, and I barely noticed my surroundings! We had to walk/run for the first mile (who am I kidding, the entire way!) but the first mile was the hardest. Felt like I had to slow and walk so often. We were going at about an 11 minute mile pace, according to her Garmin watch thingy. The thing is, my body felt fine. My problem seems to be that I run out of breath. I tried breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth. Then I was panting. Then I tried yoga breathing. I  had to slow down to walk so often just to catch my breath.

Then, the funniest thing happened. The farther we went, the easier it got to go longer, jogging more and walking less. Then Steph would , instead of me telling her when I had to stop and go, she would tell me we would walk for 1 minute and then I would have to go until she told me to walk. It was gentle coaching, pushing me a little more as she saw I could take more. And then when we made it back to our starting point, outside a grocery store, she ran ahead of me and cheered me to the "finish line" OUT LOUD with people around! She is so funny. I had to rush to the bathroom because even though I went before, I had to go again. Hope I don't pee in my pants in the future.

Felt GREAT. Was so amazed at myself that I actually did it and had fun doing it. We went 3.3 miles in 46 minutes, which I don't know if that's good or not, Steph said it was for my first time out, but I am very proud that I went that far and it didn't feel like it was all that bad. All I know is I think I am really going to like this running thing :)

I felt sick to my stomach when I got home. I'm sure it has to do with what I ate/didn't eat before, I was hungry, I don't know. I will continue to research the nutrition aspect and Steph has a book she will lend me about eating for marathon running. I'm sure the chocolate before hand didn't help!! Rest tomorrow, then Body Pump Saturday, then on Sunday we are running at Crystal Springs. Haven't been there in years. Really looking forward to it!! Wow. This is so cool.

A New Page in My Book/The Power of Visualization

*sigh* what a roller coaster I have been on these last few weeks. It's all good in the end, but so much has happened and I have been lax at updating my blog. I really need to write and I wish I hadn't waited so long because it is always hard for me to remember all I need to say.

Change. CHANGE. I have posted in the past, and I know this to be true, but I believe that things happen for a reason. One door closes, another opens. blah blah blah. But WOW, to really experience this, and see it happen right in front of my eyes is so empowering.

Yesterday was the end of an era......drama queen, I know. But my journey started at Gold's 2-1/2 years ago, as a 230 pound, 40 year old woman wanting to change after seeing her father die from complications of diabetes. I began in a class called Body Pump, with this high energy, fit instructor named Alex. I don't need to go into all the in between, but last night, we had our last class together there. I am now a 42 year old, 166 pound woman who is more fit than I have ever been in my life.  I have written all about the Crunch take over. I have done all I could to prevent my Les Mills classes from going away, from having meetings with the management, to getting 70+ signatures of unhappy members, to emails with the Regional manager, to bitching and complaining. None of it helped in the long run, but I know that there was nothing I could do to stop a change that terrified me from happening. And now that it's done, yes, I am very sad. I even cried during the end of class. But knowing that I did all I could made it not as devastating as it was 3 weeks ago.  Life goes on and while I know that these classes and instructors have changed my life and my body and my outlook on physical fitness, I know that I will take everything Kimi, Willi, Alex and Jozi taught me and take it with me. And I have gained some good friends, in those phenomenal instructors and in my fellow group exercise buddies. I planned a little going away dinner for Alex last night and Lynette, James, Pam, Bill, Franklin and Michael came and we ate and drank at Milagros. It was fun and not sad, we had a great time and in the end, friendship is all that matters. We will keep in touch and continue to encourage each other. I finally got to meet Pam and in her, have found another person who is supportive and encouraging. Totally cool.

I think what is making this "ending" more bearable is the fact that I have something new to focus on. A fellow teacher, Stephanie, who used to teach with me at Hoover, and was Alexander's 7th grade teacher, had asked me awhile ago about running a marathon. HAHAHAHA, ME??? are you joking, Steph? Well, I wished her a happy birthday last week on Facebook and she asked me again if I wanted to run a 1/2 marathon, the Rock and Roll marathon in San Jose in October. Timing being everything, well, I said yes and I have been freaking out about it ever since! Here is that door that opened when my Les Mills door was slammed shut in my face. The running club I would have to commit to meets on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, my regular workout days at the gym. With those classes essentially ending (they have replaced Combat with Cardio Tai Box, which I have done 3 times and while I get a good cardio workout, it's NO COMBAT), this is the perfect time to jump into something else. I will still need to do some yoga and strength training and I dread just going to the gym to do weights. No one to push me like in class. I'll have to try my best solo.

I went today and was custom sized and fitted with inserts and shoes. What a cool process, they took infrared pics of my feet and arches, had me run barefoot on the treadmill and examined my gate, I bought new shoes, the inserts, a new sports bra that actually fits now that my boobs have shrunk so much, socks and two tops that wick moisture, and some body glide for chafing. Who knew all the places I will have to smear with that stuff? It's a whole new learning experience. Steph walked me through the store, told me so much info that when we got to the nutrition part at the end and all the choices of what to get to consume while running, I hit my limit and told her I was done! My first ever training run is tomorrow at 6:30. I REALLY hope it goes well and I don't completely embarrass myself. I have endurance to get through an entire kickboxing class almost non-stop but running endurance? Totally different. My only goal is to finish this marathon, even if I have to crawl across the finish line on my hands and knees!

 Now to the do-doo-do part.......the power of visualization..............

 I started a vision board back in 2009. Initially, it was for weight loss and to have something to look at daily to strive for. I put quite a few pictures on it, like Michelle Obama and her awesome fit arms, and some butts and abs that looked good, and some key words like strong, fit, lose 10 lbs, etc. I didn't finish it and it went in the closet. Well, a few months ago I took it out and realized how many of those images I put on there had already come true. I had lost MORE than 10 pounds, I had strong, fit arms, the butt and abs, well not quite yet but they are getting smaller. So I decided to complete the board. I added more pictures, a horoscope that rang true, more quotes. And a couple of other things that I didn't think about until I saw it today........a picture of a beautiful, fit runner stretching, and the words "Amazing Race". OMG!!! Just goes to show, I don't know. I really believe that your mind is so powerful and that positive thinking and visualization are amazing tools that really work. This is not the first time something like this has come to pass, but it is a first with my vision board. Now I am stoked to add some more things that I want to see happen. The thing is, I never wanted to run, or even thought I could, so why did I put those two things on there? hmmmm. Another funny thing is I have had recurring dreams for years, one about my teeth, one about being back in high school, but another one that I forgot about - RUNNING!!!! The feeling of running, outside, effortlessly, and enjoying it. WTH? things are just going fast and furious in my head.

So, I just need to go with the flow - again - and see where this part of my journey takes me. I will definitely be blogging and posting more often since this is a whole new experience for me.......sad to close the book on my beloved classes at the gym (but I will follow them and take their classes whenever/where ever I can) but I am excited to see what happens when I turn the page in this new book I reading...........