CAVED......ugh

I have not felt the urge to have anything "bad" for me in months. Since January. Even during that time of the month. What is different this month? I DON'T KNOW. But today I had 5, count them 5, of those little dark chocolate minis because it was teacher appreciation day and there was a big basket of chocolate minis in the staff room. I am proud of the fact that I picked out all the dark chocolate ones. But WHY, WHY, WHY when we have to celebrate or appreciate something, is it done around food, and usually CRAP? Staff breakfasts, with donuts and pastries. Birthdays, with cake. I don't get it. Why can't we be appreciated with a fruit salad? Or some nuts? Am I nuts? Of course, no one put a gun to my head and said eat it. And I was not craving chocolate, not until it came into my line of sight. Then I couldn't resist. I don't feel like I have given up. Not even close. But I had no workout planned today, since I did my two classes last night. I am stretching and resting so I can go tomorrow. I did stay within my calorie range. Oh, but when I came home, after dinner, Cassie pulls out the mini pretzels and what did I do???!!! Ate a bunch. Yeah, they're fat free, whatever. Added them in to my calorie budget. Still came in under. But WTH??? It's not like I am really craving this stuff. It's just that I seem to not have much will power today. I am tired. Maybe that is contributing to the lack of will power.

Another reason I love FaceBook. I posted this dilemma and all the responses I am getting just brings home the fact that I do know this, I am owning up to it, it's not the end of the world, not like I ate a donut or anything. It is truly my journey and this process is a learning experience. In the past, I probably would have said "well there you go, I blew it so I might as well have some ice cream or something now" and I am really not in that space right now. It's kinda enlightening to know that yes, I had some chocolate. It was dark, not a snickers. I had some pretzels. It wasn't a sundae. So even though I "feel" like I cheated or something, it wasn't that bad. And I cannot expect to live the rest of my life and not have some little treat. I went on to BodyBugg, logged all my food, counted the chocolate and pretzels, and still came in a bit under my allotment for the day. I think I am feeling fat because of my period. I feel like sitting and watching tv. Which I did. My once a week time to sit. I'm tired. Again, without the physical activity, I feel lazy but I know I need to rest a day in between workouts. I am actively looking at both schedules for Gold's for San Mateo and RWC to find a time when I can take yoga again. It was so good for me when I could take it, I know it would help me again. Plus I am looking into pilates, to help strengthen my core, which I have been told needs to be stronger.

Gonna stretch, sleep (hopefully better than last night - had a crappy night, head full of stupid things that I thought and said that I regretted, past ways of thinking that needs to go bye bye, mind needs to lose some weight as well as body!) and wake up more refreshed tomorrow.

I sure as hell hope so.