It has been quite the busy start to the school year. I underestimated how difficult it would be to learn three programs at this time of year. I think it must be challenging at any time, but when I am so focused on new students, testing and my own children and their school activities, well, it's proven to be more challenging than I expected.
I can barely keep my eyes open but I had to write about what happened today. I have been struggling with learning my programs, but more so, BodyFlow. BodyPump I was able to learn fairly quickly, because I am so familiar with the format. I tackled flow first, as it was brand new except for my training release. This new release, 58, is so different than my training release, with all new poses, and even though I have been told how simple the chorey was, I was seriously struggling with getting anything to stick in my head. CxWorx - I didn't even look at it until a little more than a week ago.
I have been very stressed the last few weeks, and even though I would spend practically every spare moment with my notes and music, and practicing, and watching, it really wasn't sticking in my brain. Yesterday was the 24 Hour Fitness re-launch and I was launching BP and CX. Today I would need to have flow learned.
Yesterday went well; I taught pump at SMSS and CX afterwards. I had a BLAST teaching both, and although I was nervous about CX, it went off without a hitch and was a really fun release to teach. Super hard!! I ended up teaching another full BP class when the BodyCombat instructor cancelled, just so the 20 members who showed up would at least get a workout and they were all very agreeable to a BP class. Once the day was over, I knew I had to finish learning flow. Time had run out.
Up until last night, around 11 pm, I was practicing. Watching. Doing. I was sore, and didn't want to wear myself out more physically, but I need to DO in order to learn. I can't simply watch the dvd or just read the notes; doesn't work for me. So after 11, I finally got the chorey, but wasn't feeling good about the whole thing as I wasn't confident on my coaching and cueing. But I had to get some sleep.
This morning, I taught BP in San Carlos, and then ran to San Mateo. I spent time in the car reviewing the notes again, and then had to just let it be. I was extremely nervous walking into the gym, knowing I had a very high chance of flubbing up in more than one track. And then something amazing happened.
From the time I pressed play, and stepped into position on my yoga mat, it just flowed. Literally. From the tai chi warm up, through the sun salutations, to standing strength, balance, hip openers.....then the dreaded track 6, the core track. The one that physically was so hard for me, the one that kept me up late last night. Was it perfect? No, but my timing was on, and the entire room groaned throughout the track. The core back track, I love and that went well. By the time I hit track 8, spinal twists, I literally had goosebumps. By track 9, hamstrings, and the track that brings the class back down, brings the members to focus internally......I was actually in tears. Not enough so that members could hear it in my voice, but it was so emotionally moving...it's hard to describe. As I sat and guided the class through relaxation and meditation, I was swept by such a feeling of completeness, such a feeling of "this is what I am supposed to be doing".....and after class, several people thanked me and told me it was a great release.
I went to the locker room to freshen up and began sending a message to my amazing trainer, Rachel. I had an urge to let her know how incredibly moving my first 58 class was. She had posted recently how track 9 brought her to tears, and I remember thinking, "well yes, it's a great song, but tears?" I didn't get it. Until now. The wave of emotion that ran over me, like a wave, was indescribable.
It's like everything fell into place today. All my worries, all my stresses over this first post-training release, GONE. When people would tell me prior to today, "oh, you'll be great" or "you'll be fine", what they don't understand is that I didn't believe that, not deep down. My fear of totally screwing this up have been weighing on me. What I didn't realize is that while I thought none of it was sticking, it actually WAS. That was the most shocking thing of all. I wasn't able to give this release the time and dedication I did for my training release and that weighed heavily on my belief that I could deliver a good class. No one was watching and waiting for me to fail. Just ME.
It's not often I have these kinds of revelations. But damn, when they happen, it's like a ton of bricks. The thought that maybe this is the program for me. BodyPump - always and always will be my first passion, the one that truly set me on this path to better health. I've posted about moments like these in BP, usually, though, when I am sharing my story or journey with the class. A single track or release has never brought me to tears while teaching. But today? It was simply life changing, the way I felt delivering this class to my members. They will never know how today affected me, and in truth, it wasn't anything they did or didn't do, I don't even know if it was about them. It was about me. How I felt teaching this to them.
Simply powerful. Pivotal. A moment in time where I was in the zone. A different kind of zone than my BodyPump zones that I've experienced. A truly emotional zone.
BodyFlow.
