As I sit here before school starts, I am compelled to write just a few words before the students arrive.
I remember the anticipation before I entered my BodyPump initial training module on December 3, 2010. A mere 15 months ago. I had worked myself up so much before that event, not quite believing I was about to undertake the daunting task of becoming an instructor, in a field that I knew NOTHING about, a field that was so foreign to me as a lifelong sedentary person. I freaked out, had my moments of drama, and ultimately sucked it up and came through with a full pass.
These last 15 months have been a constant rollercoaster. I look back and it STILL boggles my mind all that I have done, all that has happened to me, all that I have accomplished. I won't regurgitate it right now.
Today I get on a plane to Seattle, WA. Specifically Issaquah, about 30 minutes south, I think. I will participate in AIM2 - the second level of the Advanced Instructor Module. I am not looking to come out with a specific outcome - Instructor with a Plan, Advanced or Elite. I still, I think, deep down, don't think I would get any of them. I truly signed up for this to better myself, to become a better instructor for my participants. I have made tremendous growth over the last year, thanks to Alex and my amazing participants. But I feel like I can do more, and so this weekend, as little as I know about it, will hopefully take me to that other level. I am excited to meet new people - I know NO one at this training. I am staying with an amazing trainer, Ingrid, at her house and she has so graciously offered to pick me up tonight at the airport, put me up at her house, and arranged for rides to the gym all weekend for me as well as a ride to the airport Sunday night. I am grateful to these Les Mills tribe members that don't even know me but are willing to help out. This is the community, the tribe I am so fortunate to be a part of.
I've had a couple of little freak out moments this week, mostly around learning the chorey and cleaning up my coaching. But last night, I sat outside the Group X room at the gym 30 minutes early before my class, and something came over me. I started thinking about this weekend, and my heart started pounding, the fears welled up and the doubt slapped me in the face. I literally got teary and had to go in a bathroom stall. Alex texted me to tell me not to worry, that I am ready, but it was so strange the voices that came up and made me start thinking I am going to be the fattest one there, I am not as good as those other instructors, the two trainers are going to rip me to shreds. Good grief, it was like a wave of pathetic self doubt that I haven't felt that strong for awhile.
Talking to a new friend/participant, Nancy, as she is about to embark on a journey to Bhutan, made me feel a bit better. This is part of the process. I do embrace the process that I am going through, and although I know better, this part of self doubt is a part of what I need to feel and go through. I felt so much better strapping on my mic and teaching my class. I know what I have to do, what I want to do, what I am meant to do.
Be myself and be open to the process of learning and growing this weekend. How freaking cool is that?
More to come.......
