This is NOT a fitness post, but it is one important to my journey as a human being. That said, I know it's a part of everyone's life at some point, mine in the far future, but retirement TRULY sucks. For me. Because it's finally hitting me. My friend, my mentor, my confidant, Janet, is leaving me. I could call her every name in the book but I am too sad to do that. It's not like she NEEDS to retire, or is being put out to pasture because she is too old to teach - she is one of the fortunate ones who is ready to retire in her own time, to travel, spend time with family, etc. And I am truly happy for her and pissed at her all at the same time! :)
I have spent all school year in complete, blissful denial. I ended up being thankful she was teaching first grade this year so that we (I) could begin the separation process, but all it's ended up doing for me is making me a complete and utter basketcase. TODAY. Finally it hit me. All because some unsuspecting student walks into my classroom with a memory book for all of us to write in (sorry Janet, the cat's out of the bag) and I am now forced to go back 9 years and think about all the things we have been through and remember them. And dammit, I couldn't hold back. Now the mere thought of her not being at school next year is enough to send me to tears. I just got out of the shower and was literally sobbing in there for at least 15 minutes. I am crying real fat tears right now writing this. I am hoping that getting this out tonight will make her retirement party tomorrow afternoon easier because I won't have any tears left. I already made a blubbering idiot out of myself today at our volunteer tea because I had to leave the room when she was thanking her parents. Then after I thanked mine, I had to leave because it was just too hard. Janet and I walked back to the classrooms in tears, laughing at the same time, but geez, this is harder than I thought.
When I was a brand new teacher at Hoover, only having taught a long term sub job the year before, I was assigned Janet as my BTSA mentor. Thank god for that.She made the first two years of teaching bearable for me, easier for me in any way she could. She was the Math resource teacher back then, and since she wasn't in the classroom she could pop in and support me any time. A couple years later she was put back in the classroom and I remember her sitting on my table and asking me if I thought she should go to kinder or 1st - I think I replied "Duh!! Kinder!" and after spending one year in separate rooms, we had the opportunity to teach AM/PM classes and she moved in to my room. We shared 4 or 5 (I can't remember) years in the same room, supporting each other, teaching together, and I have to say, those were the best years of my 10 year teaching career. We covered for each other, laughed, had so many "inside" jokes, taught after school together, and had a rhythm going that I still miss. She would write in the plan book and I would do the prep. It just worked. She supported me when I went on maternity leave with Cassie. She helped Lynne, the teacher who covered for me and has become our friend. She and I taught several years of difficult after school groups. We had secret nicknames for students and parents and could just look across the room at each other, roll our eyes and know what the other was thinking. This kind of relationship is rare.
Then 3 years ago we were made to separate, and I moved out and it was still great working together as the 2 English Kinder teachers but different cause we were not in the same room. But we still had the same rhythm going. Until this last year, when she was made to teach 1st grade. In hindsight, it was the best for me, selfishly, because even though I saw her daily, we didn't have lunch together anymore, hardly saw her at recess, we didn't plan together and it made it easier knowing that the cord was cut and the separation would be easier.
UNTIL TODAY. CRAP.
I blubbered before the volunteer tea. I blubbered after. I was then okay, taught my class at 24 and had a great time, with a newish member (since March) telling me she noticed I look leaner even though I don't see or feel it, I also talked with the employee running the Kid's care and she has been wanting to try my class so we talked about that....wait, this isn't a fitness post.
I came home and was fine till I was in the shower, thinking about the day and it started again. I haven't stopped since and the computer screen is blurry because I am still crying.
Oh Janet. You better come back next year and volunteer in my class, then I can honor you at next year's volunteer tea. You brat. Why do you have to leave me? Who am I going to go to when I have something funny to say, or something frustrating to bitch about? You need to get on FaceBook, woman! Staff meetings will NOT be the same. Who will I roll my eyes at? Kick under the table? Do a Peet's run with? I don't know if I can handle this. I'm a mess.
I love you, you silly old retiree. Go knit yourself a shawl, take a pottery class and join Sweet Adeline's. HAHAHAHAHA! Naw. Instead you'll strap on your hiking boots and travel the world. I'll miss you more than you know, my friend.
At least I know that once that damn boot comes off your foot (and watch those curbs, please - no more broken bones) I will see you in BodyPump..... :-)
Let's hope I don't embarrass you tomorrow!! XOXOXOXO
